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Eamonomae

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I'm not removing the post - you're free to feel however you want to about Orthodoxy, the forum, us - but the personal attack is out of line. +Fr. G.
I destroyed every single one of my icons.

Disfigured them beyond recognition, broke them, and threw them in the trash. Some of the mounted prints I ripped off the printed paper and destroyed the papers.

I'm finally free at last.

I was thinking about my past experiences into Orthodoxy, and this forum. And I wanted to come back to express my pure unbridled hatred towards all of you.

I was a broken person a few years ago, looking for "salvation" in Orthodoxy. I'm still broken, but now I see my brokenness in its essence and I'm not covering it with this pathetic excuse of a religion.

Ha! What real salvation! Just being told over and over again how inadequate I was and every single painful effort to striving towards perfection just wasn't good enough, in a constant state of anguish that my sinfulness would be my condemnation to eternal fire, being a sad, pathetic, wasteful human being who just cried about how I couldn't be weakness and pitifulness in its essence, just waiting for God to take me away from this world.

Being a submissive little pos towards some angry Palestinian Jew who can never be satisfied, even though that Palestinian Jew created me and my faults!

And before you give your ramblings about how my views on "Orthodox theology" are distorted and Western, give me a break. Just because you sugar coat it with some mystical and esoteric language, with some Thomistic idea that God's love and wrath are identical, with some idea that we bring our own downfall rather than God putting it on us, you will never escape the fact that God burns people forever if they are inadequate from His own point of view, that God created you inadequate, and that to be adequate, one needs to submit and worship this God and never go against his own rules that He set up by the creation of this world.

What a great and loving God!

But God's own laws are monstrous abominations. Here's the bitter truth - pagan morality is correct. We are nothing more than just animals, and everything that is "evil" in Christianity is actually good and everything "good" in Christianity is evil.

This world is for the dominant, the strong, the beautiful, the wealthy, the indulgent, the intelligent, the romancers, the feast-havers, the warlords.

And I'm not saying this to be some edgy shitlord who goes to black masses and worships Thor. No, this world is for men and women who have ridiculous amounts of fun with sex and drunkenness, have great careers, a whole lot of delicious food, wonderful senses of fashion, objectively beautiful people, strong people.

This world isn't for some angry old monk who shakes his fist at the world and dies alone. The world condemns such sad excuses of individuals.

And your own misery comes from not being a part of any of these groups of people. You aren't rich. You haven't been successful romantically. You are ugly. You are weak. You aren't dominant. You are submissive. You aren't a conqueror.

So you seek some "loving God" who tells you "hey, you have value from being weak, submissive, ugly, poor, chaste, sheep, a pacifist, and all those who are the opposite of these values are evil, big bullies, mean"

What a delusion - your own iconography disproves this! You will never paint an icon of a poor, weak, ugly, deformed, non-materialistic Saint. Your Church would die in a second if you did this. Instead you paint your icons with rich and lavish colors of gold and silver and jewels, depict Christ and the Saints as physically beautiful humans, give Christ a monarch's clothes and give him a crown.

Continue to drown in your own misery, because you are not intrinsically good and never will be, esp. if you stick with Orthodoxy. Continue serving some imaginary Palestinian Jew who can, at any instant, take your life away and burn you forever because you weren't weak enough. Continue hoping for some fantasy land and will yourself to your own death.

I'll admit it - I'm not intrinsically good. I'm weak, ugly, pathetic, chaste. I'm evil.

And I might as well embrace it fully now.

I hate all of you.

Before I came to terms with how "evil" I am from a pagan moralistic standpoint, all you people did was put me down, insult me, mock me, hurt me all the while claiming to be a good loving Christian. HAH!

Way to disprove your own religious beliefs.

Well, let me tell you something - I would rather burn forever alone than spend a single second in heaven with any of you.

Defamation removed.

Well anyways, you guys all suck.
 
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it's ok - wish you all the best.
 
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Ainnir

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Lord, have mercy.
And you're absolutely right about me. Forgive me if I ever gave the impression otherwise.
 

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Although you may abandon God or any hope of salvation brother, you will not be able to get rid of Him no matter how hard you try. He will not cease to follow after you even to the threshold of eternal loss.

I know my words have no weight and will mean nothing, and I admit that I'm a total hypocrite. I don't care if you hate me. I love you. If I didn't, I would just read your post and say good riddance. I just can't stand by and say nothing in response. Your presence here in the past helped me in ways you don't even realize. Again, I know these will be seen as empty words. So long brother.

Lord have mercy. 😔
 
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You should probably at least consider a more peaceful Epicurean type of life. That way you can still claim your justification for your rejection but drop the hate.

On a separate note, prayers ( you can still take this as secular good will) that you overcome the hate.
 

Eamonomae

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Your presence here in the past helped me in ways you don't even realize. Again, I know these will be seen as empty words. So long brother.

Lord have mercy. 😔
Have I really helped you? Have I?

Maybe I have. Maybe I haven't.

I can easily presume the reason you came to Orthodoxy was because you were in pain. In fact that's why people try to find God; it's why when a loved one of some agnostic Greek or Russian dies, suddenly that Greek or Russian begins showing up to Church, with that someone praying in tears and seeking God, but as soon as that someone accepts the death of their loved one, God immediately leaves that person's life. Like He never even entered, back to square one.

We all see this scenario play itself out - priests are consciously aware of this. Those certain individuals who never show up to Church but still believe in God, and when tragedy happens, they suddenly become hyper-religious, but when that tragedy subsides, they abandon it.

That person, that Orthodox Christian, whom we all know and love, merely uses Orthodoxy as a bandaid to cover up their pain as it heals. Perhaps it leaves a scar, but once it heals, people take that bandaid off.

I came to Orthodoxy not merely with a scar, but looking like Jesus did in Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ." All I did was use Orthodoxy as bandaids around my whole body, but I was so scarred and bleeding that no amount of bandaids could heal me. In fact, bandaids made it worse, because even though I was in constant pain, it would give me a false sense of security while it would allow my wounds to get infected and kill me.

It wasn't until recently that I discovered "Wow, I need a hospital and stitches and surgeries to fix myself. Bandaids aren't sufficient."

The brutal, difficult question that you have to answer yourself is this. Are you truly using Orthodoxy as a way to stitch up your gashes, or are you using it as bandaids - temporary relief that will allow your untreated gashes to kill you? You have to look deep within yourself and ask yourself "Why did I come to Orthodoxy?" It may even be more fundamental than that - "Why did I find value in Christ? Why do I believe there is a God?" The answer for you might be a very brutal truth that you may not want to face - but if you don't face the fact that your wounds are killing you and your wounds will get infected, you will die.

But Christ is supposed to be Truth. "I am the Way, the Truth, the Life." And the fact that He spoke truth about the way the clerics acted in Israel made those clerics so angry and upset that they were willing to torture and kill Him for it. Truth can be painful, but you need to face it. Don't be a Pharisee who wants to hide from it.


But I don't know you. Maybe Orthodoxy has stitched up your gashes. But if you are using it to ignore what is actually causing you pain, I have damned your soul.

Not everyone uses Orthodoxy equally - some find it because that's just the religion they were raised in. They're Greek, Russian, Serbian, Syrian. They don't view it seriously or take it seriously, but it's just a part of who they are - they are Greek so they are Orthodox. It's the same reason Irish people or Italian people are Catholics.

Some find it because they realize that it is the antidote to their problems, they are alcoholics, harlots, coke snorters, etc., and Orthodoxy gives them a means to overcome their issues.

Others use it as escapism. If you are using it as escapism, you are a damned soul.
 
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Eamonomae

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Lord, have mercy.
And you're absolutely right about me. Forgive me if I ever gave the impression otherwise.
Why are you this kind? I'm sorry for my comment, it was out of line. And while I don't know you in real life, I hope you can forgive me.
 

Ainnir

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Orthodoxy is lived, not used. In that, you’re right. It is healing me, and it is a hospital. But it must be viewed, approached, and lived properly for it to do the work it's meant to do. And that work is slow (i.e.: lifelong), so expecting it to be a major ordeal for a year or two and then everything is fine will certainly lead to disillusionment and frustration. Some ordeals don’t take a lifetime to get over, but the deeper work of repentance and total healing does take our whole earthly lives.

Did you ever join the Church? I can’t recall.
 

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Why are you this kind? I'm sorry for my comment, it was out of line. And while I don't know you in real life, I hope you can forgive me.
I forgive you. :)
 

Eamonomae

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Orthodoxy is lived, not used. In that, you’re right. It is healing me, and it is a hospital. But it must be viewed, approached, and lived properly for it to do the work it's meant to do. And that work is slow (i.e.: lifelong), so expecting it to be a major ordeal for a year or two and then everything is fine will certainly lead to disillusionment and frustration. Some ordeals don’t take a lifetime to get over, but the deeper work of repentance and total healing does take our whole earthly lives.

Did you ever join the Church? I can’t recall.
No, I never had the opportunity to. The priest of my old parish did not like me and did not let me join - some may think that "Oh, it was because he saw you weren't ready." Nope, this Priest let a white supremacist who never showed up on Sundays join the Church, even when I informed the co-Priest about it. Whereas I actually spent half my weekends working in the Church's soup kitchen and helping homeless people. Apparently I wasn't Orthodox enough.

Since then, I moved and in my new location haven't found a parish that has really been "home" since, or at least haven't been able to conveniently access. And then Covid hit.

For me specifically, and your experience may differ, Orthodoxy gave me the impression I was healing, but it wasn't until this past April that something happened - I don't know what, how, or when, but I had this "spiritual experience" where something like cracked in my brain and I saw myself as I really was; I can't describe it, but I felt like all of reality was like a flat ocean, and this ocean suddenly curled up supernaturally and beyond logic or reason into a spiral of a wave and hit me, and when it hit me, I realized I hadn't even begun the process of healing up until that point. In fact I was actually dying in Orthodoxy and getting worse, and worse, and worse. And I'm incredibly angry at myself, Orthodoxy, and others.

And I have so much bitter resentment that I don't know how to deal with.
 

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That is the true beginning of healing. How can you cleanse an infection if you don’t know how deep it goes? It’s an incredibly uncomfortable realization — raw and exposed, but necessary.

Because Orthodoxy means “right glory,” it will forever be showing us how we fall short, but also how to reconcile ourselves to God so the distance lessens over time. It is very much not about appearances and checking boxes, even if some (or many) people make it so.

I am sorry for the experience at the old parish. Let God deal with the individuals. Focus on figuring out what Orthodoxy really is. God will always lead us to Himself if we’re seeking Him. That’s the first thing. This Faith will not make sense if you seek anything from it other than God.
 
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Not to get off topic but just from this site as real life experience, maybe the mods can split it off, why does Orthodoxy got a horrible turnover rate with converts?
 

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why does Orthodoxy got a horrible turnover rate with converts?
Might be an US issue. Haven't heard of anything like that in Finland. Converts might disappear from parish i.e. stop attending services but I haven't actually heard of anyone switching to another church or religion.
 

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Not to get off topic but just from this site as real life experience, maybe the mods can split it off, why does Orthodoxy got a horrible turnover rate with converts?
Nobody gets help. I have tried several times on this board and gotten nowhere.
 

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Have I really helped you? Have I?

Maybe I have. Maybe I haven't.

I can easily presume the reason you came to Orthodoxy was because you were in pain. In fact that's why people try to find God; it's why when a loved one of some agnostic Greek or Russian dies, suddenly that Greek or Russian begins showing up to Church, with that someone praying in tears and seeking God, but as soon as that someone accepts the death of their loved one, God immediately leaves that person's life. Like He never even entered, back to square one.

We all see this scenario play itself out - priests are consciously aware of this. Those certain individuals who never show up to Church but still believe in God, and when tragedy happens, they suddenly become hyper-religious, but when that tragedy subsides, they abandon it.

That person, that Orthodox Christian, whom we all know and love, merely uses Orthodoxy as a bandaid to cover up their pain as it heals. Perhaps it leaves a scar, but once it heals, people take that bandaid off.

I came to Orthodoxy not merely with a scar, but looking like Jesus did in Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ." All I did was use Orthodoxy as bandaids around my whole body, but I was so scarred and bleeding that no amount of bandaids could heal me. In fact, bandaids made it worse, because even though I was in constant pain, it would give me a false sense of security while it would allow my wounds to get infected and kill me.

It wasn't until recently that I discovered "Wow, I need a hospital and stitches and surgeries to fix myself. Bandaids aren't sufficient."

The brutal, difficult question that you have to answer yourself is this. Are you truly using Orthodoxy as a way to stitch up your gashes, or are you using it as bandaids - temporary relief that will allow your untreated gashes to kill you? You have to look deep within yourself and ask yourself "Why did I come to Orthodoxy?" It may even be more fundamental than that - "Why did I find value in Christ? Why do I believe there is a God?" The answer for you might be a very brutal truth that you may not want to face - but if you don't face the fact that your wounds are killing you and your wounds will get infected, you will die.

But Christ is supposed to be Truth. "I am the Way, the Truth, the Life." And the fact that He spoke truth about the way the clerics acted in Israel made those clerics so angry and upset that they were willing to torture and kill Him for it. Truth can be painful, but you need to face it. Don't be a Pharisee who wants to hide from it.


But I don't know you. Maybe Orthodoxy has stitched up your gashes. But if you are using it to ignore what is actually causing you pain, I have damned your soul.

Not everyone uses Orthodoxy equally - some find it because that's just the religion they were raised in. They're Greek, Russian, Serbian, Syrian. They don't view it seriously or take it seriously, but it's just a part of who they are - they are Greek so they are Orthodox. It's the same reason Irish people or Italian people are Catholics.

Some find it because they realize that it is the antidote to their problems, they are alcoholics, harlots, coke snorters, etc., and Orthodoxy gives them a means to overcome their issues.

Others use it as escapism. If you are using it as escapism, you are a damned soul.
Yes brother, you did actually help me in a very particular way back when you posted here under a previous identity. God knows you did, whether you believe it or not.

My guess is that I'm probably old enough to be your father, but just through observing what little I do know about you and through our brief conversations and interactions with one another here both publicly and privately, it's always been very clear to me that you are operating at a level of intelligence and awareness that is light years beyond what I ever could have possessed at your age. In case you haven't heard, unusually keen intellects and high IQ's can often be a heavy cross and burden for many to bear in this life. I don't say that to discourage you, but to make you aware that your particular spiritual warfare could be unusually fierce and painful beyond what most experience. Mental sufferings can be far worse then physical ones. In fact, there's a saying by one of the desert fathers that has always stuck with me: "The mental and spiritual sufferings of the saints of the last days will be greater than the physical sufferings of all the early martyrs."
That makes me shudder.

But you're not wrong about me. I'm very much a damaged individual and I'm fully aware that I could quite possibly also be damned in the end. I realize that is a possibility for each one of us, but I'm especially prone to rebellion and to grave sins, so I do worry about my salvation quite a bit. Still, I try not to despair and still hope that somehow Christ might save me in the end if I just refuse to throw in the towel. Maybe if no matter how many times I fall, I still try to get back up and start over again, just maybe He'll have mercy on me and save me.

As for my possible misuse or abuse of Orthodoxy as some sort of psychological crutch or defense mechanism, I'm sure that's how the cynical, atheistic outside world most likely views it, but I could not care less what they think about it. Because to me Orthodoxy is where I fully encounter Jesus Christ and His mercy, and where I receive His grace to get back up and keep going after my many falls. In Orthodoxy is where I join in worship of the most Holy Trinity, and through Christ's holy sacraments receive forgiveness of my sins and eat and drink His Divine Body and Blood. Orthodoxy to me is not some personal crutch, but quite simply Christ's Holy Church. I believe that 100% with all my heart, and I believe any priest who has denied you entry into Christ's Holy Church or even unjustly postponed it or discouraged you towards that end will have to answer before God and render an account for that injustice when he stands before the Judgement. God have mercy on him for such a sin against the Holy Spirit.

And I beg you for the sake of Jesus Christ not to judge His Holy Church by the evils of the various members you observe within the fold. Especially do not judge it by my own pathetic example as being some random guy you've encountered on a message board. Brother, I am an absolute joke of an example, and if by some chance I have in any way contributed to driving you away from Holy Orthodoxy, I will also have to render an account for that to God. God have mercy on me for whatever I've said or done to make you feel this way.

"Only One is Holy, and that One is the Lord Jesus Christ, to the Glory of God the Father. Amen."

Edit: Just one more thing I wanted to say about your comment on icons: The saints are rendered as being physically beautiful and perfect because that is how they will appear in their eternal Glory and in the Resurrection. It has absolutely nothing to do with how they appeared in their life on earth. Icons depict spiritual realities and a world beyond our comprehension. That's all.

God bless.
 
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LizaSymonenko

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Eamonomae, I do not know you... nor do I know what brought about such a reaction to Orthodoxy in you.

If I said "I understand"... I would be lying... because almost none of us truly understands what another is living through. We are all different, face different difficulties, enjoy different things.

All I can say is that your anger is evident... and I am almost certain it is not with God or Orthodoxy, and as you claim we "hide" behind Orthodoxy, I would dare say that you are using Orthodoxy as a scapegoat, and not actually delving into what it is that truly upset you.

I am sorry your previous priest did not accept you in to the parish. You should have sat down with him and asked him why.... and also remember that priests are just men... they are not God. They are still working out their own salvation, and are not perfect. It is possible the priest heard something, saw something, etc. that just turned him off. Forgive him... and move on. Not all priests are like him, and he does not speak for all Orthodoxy.

The fact that you have no parish available at the moment where you live is a stumbling block. However, one positive out of this horrific 2020 is that there are many more livestreams out there that we can participate in.

The UOCofUSA airs daily morning prayers at 7 AM, and evening prayers at 9 PM... except for weekends, when they air Divine Liturgy at 10 AM. You can follow the seminary at stsuots.edu and watch their livestreams on Facebook daily. More often than not the Archbishop serves Liturgy and leads the prayers... and always gives resounding sermons.

I wish you peace in your life... and resolution of whatever it is that has caused you so much pain.

May the Lord forgive your anger, wrap you securely and safely in His embrace, and guide you through life.

Be well.
 

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I can't describe it, but I felt like all of reality was like a flat ocean, and this ocean suddenly curled up supernaturally and beyond logic or reason into a spiral of a wave and hit me, and when it hit me, I realized I hadn't even begun the process of healing up until that point.
So, if we know of any more waves, we should send them in your direction. It takes a lot of waves to see.
``But the ways of the righteous shine like light; they go on and shine, until the day be fully come.'' — Proverbs 4:18.

Maybe we can say we are the ones who stayed awake in life's waiting room, with numbers 35 and 36. But the counter wrapped at 34.
Cocoa nibs are bitter. Bitter + bitter = sweet. One day we will be the wave, surfing on the Sunless Sea.
 

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I was a broken person a few years ago, looking for "salvation" in Orthodoxy. I'm still broken, but now I see my brokenness in its essence
That's the way. Seing our brokenness in its essence brings us to an abyss where there is an subtle line between deep humility & despondency/despair. You're closer to find peace than you may think. Especially when we are close to reach a spirituality one important level higher, the enemy then becomes very furious against us - that's just my experience and what I read. Maybe similiar like you I myself couldn't find "success" & my "place" in the world. It took 12 years to find peace being "unsuccessful" in the world. Studying history helped me to see my misery not only in comparison with the "success" of other contemporary people but also vertically / in a historical way. Not even kings could eat meals like I do or to travel around, drive a car, had the comfort and education/intelligence like I have, have pain killers, and so on (and that's just one historical example)... and you just see that the "success" of the modern world is the real illusion - it will not have an lasting effect (in eachs individual life and in the civilization) and not only because it's lacking unconditional love & real beauty.
But I could also handle all the temptations thanks a meekful priest who heard my confessions and almost never commented something and when he did, it was out of an understanding heart. And thanking God always for every thing, for every misery - although it's seems quite ridiculous and absurd - gives us an supernatural strength, because by doing this we slowly break away from the embrace of the spirit of this world.

Finding a new parish could be important step. Maybe (re)considerung a relocation based on a close proximity to a good parish/priest or even an monastery can be life/spirit changing.
keeping you & everybody who suffers similiar like you in my prayers. 🙏
 

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it's ok - wish you all the best.
I didn't mean it in a cold-hearted or sarcastic way. Couldn't find the right words at that time and I just wanted to express my 'respect' for your freedom, decisions and opinions without judging you.
 

Eamonomae

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All I can say is that your anger is evident... and I am almost certain it is not with God or Orthodoxy, and as you claim we "hide" behind Orthodoxy, I would dare say that you are using Orthodoxy as a scapegoat, and not actually delving into what it is that truly upset you.
I can't fully explain it, because I think it's so many things.

I feel like I'm not a human being and I'm an outsider to human society. Like I'm a different species in human skin, and I just don't connect.

I don't get why people are attached to material and short-term endorphin releasing things, because I personally see how destructive such attachments are, and while I am attached to some of these material and endorphin releasing things (video games and the internet for example), the reason why I am attached to such things is more my youth and immaturity made me attached to those things, but I don't get real value or meaning out of such attachments efen now.

Like I don't hate material and endorphin releasing things in of itself - they are fun - but I think about the consequences to them and would never make it a goal in of itself.

I mean, I went to a college frat party my first freshman semester, and I didn't get it, to the point about an hour in I just left and went to sleep. Like what's so great about getting so drunk to the point they black out, doing stupid crap and laughing at people doing stupid crap? Why?

About a month ago I was running in the park, and I consciously tried to avoid people, always staying away 6 feet. This 60 year old man comes up to me and interrupts me, pretty much signals me to stop running, and tells me "Hey pal! watch where you're going!" With anger and malice. And just looking at this guy and hearing the inflections in his voice, I could figure him all out. He was a man obsessed with sports or bodybuilding and nothing else, and he is having a crisis about how he is older, weaker, and out of shape - he is no longer the line back he was in high school, and he looks at me, a young guy in my 20s running, with malice and jealousy. And I just laugh at this guy, like what kind of person are you to interrupt a 20 something person running just to tell them that? Again, I avoided people and didn't get in his way, but I don't get it.

I feel like I'm in an entire universe different from this guy. I feel like I'm in an entire universe different from most people.

Nobody my age respects me and has ever respected me. Younger people, even my younger siblings, look up to me, and older people love me (usually someone 37 years or older), but nobody my age respects me (early to late 20s). And I don't get it. I've made very few friends in my life and most isolate me. I've had very little romantic success.

I feel like in life there was supposed to be this moment where your adolescence dies, but I feel like most adult humans my age nowadays are just older but more confident teenagers. Like nothing has changed since high school, and it's doubly true for me. I was a loner, and remain a loner.

In some ways I feel like Lucifer, like I'm cast out from the human hierarchy and I'm in a hell of isolation.

Maybe Covid and stress is it. Maybe it was the feeling that I'm finally getting my life together, I need to get my stuff together ASAP, and all of it died with Covid and stress.
 

Eamonomae

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Regardless, this has led me to hate humanity as a whole and hate myself for being me. And I feel like God is a sadist for putting me through this.

I had a blasphemous dream several weeks ago where I saw Christ and the Virgin Mary doing blasphemous things with each other, and they were mocking me for being a loser, narcissistic, outcast.
 

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I had a blasphemous dream several weeks ago where I saw Christ and the Virgin Mary doing blasphemous things with each other,
I had such blasphemous thoughts every time during prayer for several months...I confessed it once to a hieromonk on facebook, he told to pay no attention to it and then it left.
 

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Regardless, this has led me to hate humanity as a whole and hate myself for being me. And I feel like God is a sadist for putting me through this.

I had a blasphemous dream several weeks ago where I saw Christ and the Virgin Mary doing blasphemous things with each other, and they were mocking me for being a loser, narcissistic, outcast.
The devil leaves alone those whom he knows are already his, while he viciously attacks those he perceives as a threat. God also sometimes allows those who are permanently turned against Him to live a care-free life of pleasure, success, popularity, fame, etc. In the case of these people the devil is also quite content to stay out of the way and let them continue happily along in their blindness until they depart this life.
 

LizaSymonenko

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In some ways I feel like Lucifer, like I'm cast out from the human hierarchy and I'm in a hell of isolation.

Maybe Covid and stress is it. Maybe it was the feeling that I'm finally getting my life together, I need to get my stuff together ASAP, and all of it died with Covid and stress.
Perhaps you need to look at this from a different angle. Perhaps you are the one who is sane, surrounded by insanity.

I also once went to a frat party... but, this was with adults. It was a group of musicians, one of whom had contacted me as a possible distant relative. So, I went to this house party... with men around 30+ in age... all they did was drink... and badmouth their women... who were not there for the most part. Once the beer bong made an appearance... I disappeared. Not my cup of tea... and I felt completely out of place.

You have to understand different people view the world differently... and we have to share the world with them. So, do not be offended too greatly by your peers who seem to have nothing in common with you... and feel free to spend more time with those younger or older... preferably older as they can teach you a thing or two about life.

Don't disparage Christ or His Church. This is not the way. ...especially during this time of pandemic... when we all had to face our own mortality... the Church has been our anchor. Isolated in our homes we were able to join numerous livestreams that were broadcast for our benefit... and the church, the hierarchs, clergy, seminarians, faithful... all prayed fervently for guidance and protection from the invisible foe... which comes in many forms. I can guarantee that if not for those prayers and petitions, more of us would not be here today.

God is love. He loves you... even when you rail against Him, He still loves you, and waits for you to calm down, for the film of anger to peel off your eyes, so you can once again see... see what is truly important... and what is truly "true".

I feel your struggle... do not give up.

...and hate less... love more.
;)
 

Eamonomae

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What have you done to earn someone's respect?
What do I need to do to earn someone's respect? Have a lifechanging career even though I'm in my 20s (I'm working on it I hope)? Be rich, something out of my control (at least short term)?

Go to parties and get absolutely wasted every weekend? I have nothing but respect for drunkards! Join hook up culture and screw every woman possible? "Sex is fun, who cares" - yeah, nothing more fun than viewing another human being as a fleshy pleasure doll with no hopes, dreams, or desires, destroying another human being's pair-bonding ability and feeding into the delusions of women who feel like they are god on earth in their 20s and then become miserably depressed and hateful when their beauty deteriorates and their one form of validation dies with their age! (Yeah I said it, I don't care if viewing a woman as a human being beyond sex is somehow "misogynistic") How respectful! Way more valid than pursuing that in a relationship!

Be powerful enough to be above the law by joining gangs? Waste what money I have which could be used for my life to buy "rich people" brands of goods? WOW, I'm wearing a rolex and have an Italian leather coat! How meaningful! Take steroids to get ripped? I'm tall and skinny (although I am more masculine than average), and don't build muscle or fat easily.

Should I clean my room, Mr. Lobster man?
 
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hecma925

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What do I need to do to earn someone's respect? Have a lifechanging career even though I'm in my 20s? Be rich, something out of my control (at least short term)? Screw every woman I can just to get better social standing? "Sex is fun, who cares" - yeah, nothing more fun than viewing another human being as a fleshy pleasure doll with no hopes, dreams, or desires, destroying another human being's pair-bonding ability and feeding into the delusions of women who feel like they are god on earth in their 20s and then become miserably depressed and hateful when their beauty deteriorates and their one form of validation dies with their age! How respectful! Be powerful enough to be above the law by joining gangs? Waste what money I have which could be used for my life to buy "rich people" brands of goods? WOW, I'm wearing a rolex and have an Italian leather coat! How meaningful!

Should I clean my room, Mr. Lobster man?
No one has to respect you. The things you listed, some people respect that. Others don't. Comparing yourself to others is something you can change. It seems that you've allowed the definition of "meaning" or "meaningful" to be dictated to you by someone else. You can change that too.

I'm not sure what me having a successful shellfish business has anything to do with cleaning your room. A clean room is sort of important, but a clean heart and mind, more so. Business website name removed from post - Pravoslavbob.
 
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Eamonomae

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It seems that you've allowed the definition of "meaning" or "meaningful" to be dictated to you by someone else. You can change that too.
Like the Church?

The Church convinced me that all that matters was getting Godly respect. But I'm a damned soul and I feel like dying my hair green getting tattoos and listening to an edgy Linkin Park song "Every step that I take is just another mistake to you"
 
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