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Can you keep me in your prayers, if you can?

Irened

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Warning: May be disturbing and sad.

Hi all. The following may be hard to read. I'm active on this forum a lot and I may seem like a normal person, but I am in the most abnormal and horrific of situations.

I can no longer endure my extreme spiritual and physical sufferings. I'm falling big-time into complete despair and I have zero hope. I do want His strength to endure (which I've had in the past) but I also long for things to get better for me.

I am completely bed confined and cannot sit up (since 2019). Due to a mineral deficiency and whatever underlying is causing it that no doctor can figure out. Now I have some additional problems with my brain/head/neck area that makes it even more impossible to sit upright.

I also have demonic oppression/possession due to some grave sins in my past. I mean, actual demons entering my body and doing all sorts of things to me and through me and in me. It's been especially bad for a few months now. Unbelievable actually. And I just cannot take it anymore.

The good Lord has done a huge number of miracles for me in my life, even healing me from disability in 2015 and making me well again and even also sent an exorcist and a piece of His actual Holy Cross to me to help me and I completely blew it with my sinful and ungrateful attitude and actions. I've "stoned all the prophets" He had sent to me by my lack of obedience and murmuring.

Now, for a few years now due to my sins, "something worse has come upon me." (John 5:14) And I'm the worst I've ever been in body and soul. I'm trapped, sick in bed with demons day and night. I can't enter a church because I can't tolerate even being in a reclining wheelchair. It seems I'm meant to be alone and isolated. I can't help but feel utterly rejected due to this. Does He not want me in His house, not even for a few seconds to light a candle?

The last time I was in church was in late 2018, I was wheeled out of there in an ambulance stretcher on my way to the ER. I had collapsed during the liturgy because my disabling illness came back. A few months later I became completely bed confined.

I've been able to endure, thanks to Him through calling on the Theotokos and the Saints day and night, but the past few days I feel the rug has been pulled from under me and I lost His grace to endure this all and maintain some kind of hope. This has happened many times over the years. Up and down. But this time feels different, but maybe it's because after so long like this, I've hit a brick wall and am severely burnt out.
 

Ainnir

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Lord, have mercy on your servant!
 

J Michael

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Here and now (well...sometimes...)
Lord have mercy and heal and comfort your servant, Irened.

A Prayer of St Ephrem the Syrian, For Those Who Despair

Do not lose heart, O soul, do not grieve. Pronounce not over yourself a final judgement for the multitude of your sins. Do not commit yourself to fire. Do not say the Lord has cast me from His face. Such words are not pleasing to God. Can it be that one who is fallen cannot get up? Can it be that he who is turned away cannot turn back again? Do you not hear how kind the father is to a prodigal? Do not be ashamed to turn back and say boldly, “I will arise and go to my father.” Arise, and go! He will accept you and not reproach you but rather rejoice at your return. He awaits you, just do not be ashamed and do not hide from the face of God as Adam did.

It was for your sake that Christ was crucified. So, will he cast you aside? He knows who oppresses us. He knows that we have no other help but him alone. Christ knows that man is miserable. Do not give yourself up in despair and apathy assuming that you have been prepared for the fire. Christ derives no consolation from thrusting us into the fire. He gains nothing if He sends us into the abyss to be tormented. Imitate the prodigal son – leave the city that starves you. Come and beseech Him and you shall behold the glory of God. Your face shall be enlightened and you will rejoice in the sweetness of Paradise. Glory to the Lord and lover of mankind who saves us! Amen.
 

Irened

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Lord have mercy and heal and comfort your servant, Irened.

A Prayer of St Ephrem the Syrian, For Those Who Despair

Do not lose heart, O soul, do not grieve. Pronounce not over yourself a final judgement for the multitude of your sins. Do not commit yourself to fire. Do not say the Lord has cast me from His face. Such words are not pleasing to God. Can it be that one who is fallen cannot get up? Can it be that he who is turned away cannot turn back again? Do you not hear how kind the father is to a prodigal? Do not be ashamed to turn back and say boldly, “I will arise and go to my father.” Arise, and go! He will accept you and not reproach you but rather rejoice at your return. He awaits you, just do not be ashamed and do not hide from the face of God as Adam did.

It was for your sake that Christ was crucified. So, will he cast you aside? He knows who oppresses us. He knows that we have no other help but him alone. Christ knows that man is miserable. Do not give yourself up in despair and apathy assuming that you have been prepared for the fire. Christ derives no consolation from thrusting us into the fire. He gains nothing if He sends us into the abyss to be tormented. Imitate the prodigal son – leave the city that starves you. Come and beseech Him and you shall behold the glory of God. Your face shall be enlightened and you will rejoice in the sweetness of Paradise. Glory to the Lord and lover of mankind who saves us! Amen.
Thank you. Ironically I had found that last week online. It helped then but I guess I need to revisit it.
 

hurrrah

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God help! Don't despair. The Lord beats not only the son he loves, but also the daughter. The reward corresponds to the weight of the cross. You suffer not without benefit, by communicating on the forum, I see in you a Christian way of thinking - suffering with the body, you come to life with the soul. I think the healing you have described is not the only miracle in your life, you can see the presence, attention of the Lord almost constantly. Other people have to grope their way, stumble and stuff bumps, but the Lord has taken your fate completely into His own hands. Thank God for everything!
 

Stinky

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My dear sister Irened, the Lord holds you up. His ways are love. He has not forgotten you. He has not cast you aside. He is faithful even when we are faithless. He promises never to leave us or forsake us. Though we see dimly now through a glass and do not know why , how, when… it’s exactly as Jesus the lover of your soul has appointed for you.Thy will be done dear Jesus. In all things thank God. I assure you His love for you is immeasurable.
Study the life of Saint Mary of Egypt! The ways of salvation are many!
I have you in my daily prayers.
In the love of Christ Jesus!
mary
 

Luke

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Through the intercessions of St. Panteleimon and St. Luke, Lord have mercy!
 

LizaSymonenko

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Keep up the fight...
You are not alone... remember the Lord is with you, and your angel is right there as well.
They fight alongside you.

May Christ in His mercy free you from all evil, grant you good health.
 
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In light of my own sins, I pray that this is worthy for one more innocent than I and suffering more.
 

Irened

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In light of my own sins, I pray that this is worthy for one more innocent than I and suffering more.
Thank you for your kindness but I am the least innocent person there is. May God help you in your struggle and save you.
 
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Warning: May be disturbing and sad.

Hi all. The following may be hard to read. I'm active on this forum a lot and I may seem like a normal person, but I am in the most abnormal and horrific of situations.

I can no longer endure my extreme spiritual and physical sufferings. I'm falling big-time into complete despair and I have zero hope. I do want His strength to endure (which I've had in the past) but I also long for things to get better for me.

I am completely bed confined and cannot sit up (since 2019). Due to a mineral deficiency and whatever underlying is causing it that no doctor can figure out. Now I have some additional problems with my brain/head/neck area that makes it even more impossible to sit upright.

I also have demonic oppression/possession due to some grave sins in my past. I mean, actual demons entering my body and doing all sorts of things to me and through me and in me. It's been especially bad for a few months now. Unbelievable actually. And I just cannot take it anymore.

The good Lord has done a huge number of miracles for me in my life, even healing me from disability in 2015 and making me well again and even also sent an exorcist and a piece of His actual Holy Cross to me to help me and I completely blew it with my sinful and ungrateful attitude and actions. I've "stoned all the prophets" He had sent to me by my lack of obedience and murmuring.

Now, for a few years now due to my sins, "something worse has come upon me." (John 5:14) And I'm the worst I've ever been in body and soul. I'm trapped, sick in bed with demons day and night. I can't enter a church because I can't tolerate even being in a reclining wheelchair. It seems I'm meant to be alone and isolated. I can't help but feel utterly rejected due to this. Does He not want me in His house, not even for a few seconds to light a candle?

The last time I was in church was in late 2018, I was wheeled out of there in an ambulance stretcher on my way to the ER. I had collapsed during the liturgy because my disabling illness came back. A few months later I became completely bed confined.

I've been able to endure, thanks to Him through calling on the Theotokos and the Saints day and night, but the past few days I feel the rug has been pulled from under me and I lost His grace to endure this all and maintain some kind of hope. This has happened many times over the years. Up and down. But this time feels different, but maybe it's because after so long like this, I've hit a brick wall and am severely burnt out.
Rejoice in the Lord always and do not despair!
If you want, tell us your baptismal name and tell us if you are an Orthodox Christian so that we can commemorate you in the Divine Liturgies. In the hour of temptation, all you can do is to say the Jesus Prayer constantly and unceasingly: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me the sinner" and "Most Holy Theotokos, save me the sinner". You should also call an orthodox priest and ask him to visit you where you live, to explain to him what you are going through and he will explain to you exactly what to do from now on.
You can be sure that we pray for you. Know that you do not go through what you go through alone. We are by your side and for anything else you want, do not hesitate to tell us.
May the Virgin Mary be with you!
God bless you always!
Have courage and everything will go well!
 
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Irened

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Rejoice in the Lord always and do not despair!
If you want, tell us your baptismal name and tell us if you are an Orthodox Christian so that we can commemorate you in the Divine Liturgies. In the hour of temptation, all you can do is to say the Jesus Prayer constantly and unceasingly: "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me the sinner" and "Most Holy Theotokos, save me the sinner". You should also call an orthodox priest and ask him to visit you where you live, to explain to him what you are going through and he will explain to you exactly what to do from now on.
You can be sure that we pray for you. Know that you do not go through what you go through alone. We are by your side and for anything else you want, do not hesitate to tell us.
May the Virgin Mary be with you!
God bless you always!
Have courage and everything will go well!
My baptismal name is Irene after St. Irene of Chrysovalantou. I am Eastern Orthodox Christian. Yes, I would like to be commemorated in your Divine Liturgies. Thank you so much! Blessings to you.
 

Sethrak

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Has a priest come to see you,( I just re read your post, ) He should know before coming, all you've told us, this is not a small thing,,,

I guess you, or someone, should call the local diocese office,,,, Maybe a priest here, this forum I could help bring that about,,,

Let us chat about this,,,
 

Irened

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Has a priest come to see you,( I just re read your post, ) He should know before coming, all you've told us, this is not a small thing,,,

I guess you, or someone, should call the local diocese office,,,, Maybe a priest here, this forum I could help bring that about,,,

Let us chat about this,,,
I've had many priests and a monk visit me. That's why I'm desperate. Everything that could possibly be done has already been done. Including exorcism with a part of the true Cross of Christ. The last option is to travel cross country to St. Anthony's Monastery and stay there for weeks for much lengthy exorcisms. But I'm very sick and bedridden and too weak to travel.
 

Irened

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I hope you're well too with your heart condition and health.
 

Sethrak

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Irened
Good afternoon Sister, how are you doing, and the day, does it good so far,,, just got a message got run, Lord be with you and those who care for you in your everyday need,

Your brother in Christ
 

Pravoslavbob

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Lord, have mercy!
 
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Brother Michael

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Lord have mercy, show our sister Irene the way, bless her, let her know that we are truly inspired by what she has overcome so far, and we are cheering for her, and we know that God will give her the strength to overcome any obstacles.
 

Ainnir

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Lord, have mercy on your handmaiden.
 

geovar

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Irened, In Prayers. Remember me too in Your Prayers . Lord Have Mercy upon us and His grace gives us understanding and turn to Him as much as He will.
 
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