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Dear Cadence: OC.net's Advice Column

J Michael

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Asteriktos said:
Back from the Doctor...

"Success" as in you made it "back"? ;D  So....what'd the dr. have to offer you?  I wouldn't recommend back surgery unless it was the only option left to you.  But then, I'm not a doctor.  Just a duck.

Love,
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Asteriktos

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J Michael said:
"Success" as in you made it "back"? ;D  So....what'd the dr. have to offer you?  I wouldn't recommend back surgery unless it was the only option left to you.  But then, I'm not a doctor.  Just a duck.

Love,
Upgrade
A duck? I thought you were an old man who lived under a rock in Maryland?  ???  But by success I meant that he checked off massages on the script he gave me. I'm going to be so let down if these don't feel [really good].

The bad news is that certain things have worsened since I first became aware of them in 2005ish (though that wasn't really unexpected). The good news is that the doc didn't sound like he was thinking seriously about any surgery at this point.
 

J Michael

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Asteriktos said:
J Michael said:
"Success" as in you made it "back"? ;D  So....what'd the dr. have to offer you?  I wouldn't recommend back surgery unless it was the only option left to you.  But then, I'm not a doctor.  Just a duck.

Love,
Upgrade
A duck? I thought you were an old man who lived under a rock in Maryland?  ???  But by success I meant that he checked off massages on the script he gave me. I'm going to be so let down if these don't feel [really good].

The bad news is that certain things have worsened since I first became aware of them in 2005ish (though that wasn't really unexpected). The good news is that the doc didn't sound like he was thinking seriously about any surgery at this point.
A duck disguised as an old man who lives under a rock in Maryland.  I quack with the best of them!!


Glad to hear you got the massages!!  Lucky man!!!  I won't pry any further into your medical history here in public.  Hope you feel better!!
 

Maria

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brastaseptim said:
Dear Readers of this thread, after a long time spent away, I have returned.
With fondest love, Cadence.
So, you make an April Fool's Day Appearance.  :laugh:
 

Asteriktos

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Dear Cadence,

What's love got to do, got to do with it?
 

hecma925

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Dear Cadence,

Why did you not show up for this year's April Fool's Day?

hecma
 

hecma925

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Dear Cadence,

Why does Mor want to throw up?  Do you think he needs some dry toast and warm milk?

hecma
 

hecma925

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Cadence,

Why didn't you post?

Hecma
 

minasoliman

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Asteriktos said:
Dear Cadence,

What's love got to do, got to do with it?
Dear Asteriktos,

First we must ask: what is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!
 

Agabus

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minasoliman said:
Asteriktos said:
Dear Cadence,

What's love got to do, got to do with it?
Dear Asteriktos,

First we must ask: what is love?
Ask your spiritual father.
 

Asteriktos

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Dear Cadence,

Two days ago I saw a moth in my apartment. I chased after it but it flew into the living room, and by the time I caught up it had vanished. Since then I've not seen it anywhere. Is it possible that it went into my mouth when I was sleeping? If so do I need to go to a doctor? Is he going to put a camera down my throat again? Or... something even less pleasant? What's worst case scenario here? Don't be afraid to get graphic--I've watched plenty of cable channel shows about parasites, hoarders, and strange deaths (and I used to watch Unsolved Mysteries as a kid/teen), so I'm prepared for whatever may come.
 

hecma925

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Two days, you say?  If you don't sprout wings on the third day, everything is ok.  It means you spooked away a demon.  If you do sprout wings, it means you breathed in the demon and will turn into a Romanian soon.
 

Opus118

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Asteriktos said:
Dear Cadence,

Two days ago I saw a moth in my apartment. I chased after it but it flew into the living room, and by the time I caught up it had vanished. Since then I've not seen it anywhere. Is it possible that it went into my mouth when I was sleeping? If so do I need to go to a doctor? Is he going to put a camera down my throat again? Or... something even less pleasant? What's worst case scenario here? Don't be afraid to get graphic--I've watched plenty of cable channel shows about parasites, hoarders, and strange deaths (and I used to watch Unsolved Mysteries as a kid/teen), so I'm prepared for whatever may come.
Dear Asterktos,

I doubt you swallowed the moth. If you did, just cough it out. It cannot die. The moth is there to lead you to salvation.  I will post elsewhere about this.
 

minasoliman

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Asteriktos said:
Dear Cadence,

Two days ago I saw a moth in my apartment. I chased after it but it flew into the living room, and by the time I caught up it had vanished. Since then I've not seen it anywhere. Is it possible that it went into my mouth when I was sleeping? If so do I need to go to a doctor? Is he going to put a camera down my throat again? Or... something even less pleasant? What's worst case scenario here? Don't be afraid to get graphic--I've watched plenty of cable channel shows about parasites, hoarders, and strange deaths (and I used to watch Unsolved Mysteries as a kid/teen), so I'm prepared for whatever may come.
Dear Asteriktos,

The moth in her self-sacrificial loving kindness, decided to sacrifice herself for you to be provided with the amount of protein and nutrients you needed that day, especially from her.

Unless the moth is a male, then he's gay.
 

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Dear Asteriktos

The key to your question is the word "apartment".  You are renting, therefore do not own the property or building in which you reside. 

Due to the property laws imposed on all of us, the moth is actually a squatter, illegally residing on property he or she does not own or does not pay someone else for the right to stay on said property.

Therefore, the actual owner of the property should be notified forthwith that

A. There is an illegal squatter on his property
B. Due to landlord / tenant rights he has a legal obligation to come remove the squatter from your property within 24 hours.

It is the landlord's duty to find the moth within 24 hours.  Let the landlord earn his money since all they do is sit back and get fat while poor people pay down their mortgage and barely cling to the margins of society, every at the landlord's whim and sense of greedy entitlement.

If you fail to follow up and insist on proper treatment to the fullest extent of the law, the next thing you know your bathroom ceiling will be caving in from the leak in the toilet upstairs and all the filth, broken sheetrock and exposed plumbing will be your problem.  They may not make it over to do the repairs for years.

 

minasoliman

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Dear Raphael,

Only if you brewed it yourself from scratch.  Think of how Moses makes his beer.  Hebrews it!
 

mcarmichael

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RaphaCam said:
Dear Cadence,

Can I have beer for breakfast outside fasting periods?

with love,

Raphael
Good question.

It may seem redundant, but of course the answer is that yes it's okay. It's probably better for you than pancakes, unless you get a lot of good whipped cream anyway.

Oh no. What did I do? It's true: I presume to speak for you.
 

RaphaCam

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minasoliman said:
Dear Raphael,

Only if you brewed it yourself from scratch.  Think of how Moses makes his beer.  Hebrews it!
This one felt so much like Christmas family dinner I must buy paraphernalia and brew my own until then.
 

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My dearest Cadence,

As I prepared to take a shower today, shortly after turning the water on, I looked down (without glasses) and saw a black shape moving around. I put my glasses back on forthwith, and saw what I feared I would see: a spider. Now with most bugs I try to be a gentleman and good liberal and release them back into the wild. No harm no foul. However, spiders always run, so their death is an unfortunate necessity. Anyway, I saw no need to muck up my beautiful tub with foul spider guts, so instead I simply washed it down the drain. All well and good.* Yet fears remain. What if it had laid eggs? What if these eggs are non-discoverable--for example in some light fixture or in the heating vents, such that I could not find them? Is there some way I can prepare for these dastardly creatures, should they come? What numbers of these child spiders might I expect? Are there traps or sprays that one can use?

Sincerely,

Squicked in PA


*Despite what that horror movie 'Arachnaphobia' would have us believe!
 

minasoliman

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Dear Asteriktos,

If you build it (the Kingdom of Heaven on earth), he (Angel of extermination) will come.

Cadence
 

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minasoliman said:
Asteriktos said:
Dear Cadence,

What's love got to do, got to do with it?
Dear Asteriktos,

First we must ask: what is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!
Dear Mina,

I'm afraid that can't be helped. You see: I'm dirty, mean and mighty unclean. I'm a wanted man... public enemy number one, understand? So lock up your daughter, lock up your wife, lock up your back door, and run for your life. The mod is back in town! Don't you mess me 'round.

Smooches,
Cadenzze
 

minasoliman

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When the mod's in the thread, ma!
Drop it like it's hot...Drop it like it's hot...Drop it like it's hot...
When the trolls try to get at you,
Lock it like it's hot...Lock it like it's hot...Lock it like it's hot...
And if a user get an attitude,
Warn it like it's hot...Warn it like it's hot...Warn it like it's hot...
She got guns on her arm, but she pouring out love,
And she roll the best thread, Z-Zizzle's got it goin on!

-CadiZZle
 

Mor Ephrem

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minasoliman said:
When the mod's in the thread, ma!
Drop it like it's hot...Drop it like it's hot...Drop it like it's hot...
When the trolls try to get at you,
Lock it like it's hot...Lock it like it's hot...Lock it like it's hot...
And if a user get an attitude,
Warn it like it's hot...Warn it like it's hot...Warn it like it's hot...
She got guns on her arm, but she pouring out love,
And she roll the best thread, Z-Zizzle's got it goin on!

-CadiZZle
POM.
 

Asteriktos

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As a follow-up to my last post, I have now seen two baby spiders over the last several days, each perhaps 2mm long. Sure they're harmless now, but what about when they grow up? They probably know that I killed their mom.
 

hecma925

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Rule number one:  never leave survivors.
 

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Asteriktos

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hecma925 said:
Rule number one:  never leave survivors.
RaphaCam said:
Asteriktos said:
As a follow-up to my last post, I have now seen two baby spiders over the last several days, each perhaps 2mm long. Sure they're harmless now, but what about when they grow up? They probably know that I killed their mom.
Caedite eos. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius.
Is there a theological justification for such 'total war'? Er, never mind, I know what I have to do now...
 

mcarmichael

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The soda that I drank this morning contained one dead black fly, and then there was another black fly truly pestering me and a solid majority of my co-workers at Squires Golf Club later.
So I decided to drink beer today. I also said the morning prayers.
By the end of the day, I had lead it outside (see outside).
 

mcarmichael

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oops.

Dear Cadence,

How can I get the new Nike's?
 

mcarmichael

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Never make plans unless of absolute necessity. Did anyone say that yet? It's the jibe that I like.
While we're dispensing free advice, I mean. Anyone?
 

hecma925

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mcarmichael said:
oops.

Dear Cadence,

How can I get the new Nike's?
Dearest mcarmichael,

Buy or steal them.
 

Asteriktos

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Every time I go into my bathroom now I look all around for spiders--in the shower, behind the door, in the light fixture. Let me be clear: I'm not paranoid, I'm just vigilant.
 
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