Death will come when the time is right, in a manner deemed best for your salvation. While none of us wish to suffer, sometimes we need to suffer to gain humility, and repent of past errors.
It is better to suffer here, contemplating our lives, how we've acted towards others, what we've accomplished/or not, what we've said, what legacy we leave behind... and then try to apologize before we stand accused of these things.
Let me give you an example. I know a pharmacist who works inside a retail store. She is constantly busy, has little help, and is always stressed. They are not allowed to bring any bags in with them, not even their coats. They have no lunch break, and have to sneak a bite of something between answering the phones, or the counter... and when someone sees them chewing as they come up, they actually yell at them for eating. Even worse, they cannot use the restroom. This pharmacist has a part-time technician who is there 20 hours of the week. Well, the other 20 hours she is alone, and therefore cannot step out of the pharmacy to use the restroom. Work is so stressful. Prescriptions are called in, arrive via email, over the fax, and through the phone. Non-stop.
Now the pharmacists also do all the injections - flu, shingles, and now Covid. While stepping out to give a vaccine, the phone rings inside the pharmacy... they get dinged for not picking up the phone. It's just absolutely crazy environment to work in.
So... one day a woman comes up for her vaccine. The pharmacist doesn't even see her standing there because she is short statured, and she is busy in the back filling prescriptions. When she comes up to her the woman is angry that the pharmacist doesn't know her name. She yells at her, calls her a (female dog), and then actually takes the time to fill out a survey, giving her a 1/5 rating, and commenting that the pharmacist is incompetent and rude. When in fact, the pharmacist did nothing wrong... the woman was just angry. The pharmacist needed to explain to their manager what happened, fill out gobs of paperwork, etc. Her "review" will be impacted by this negative survey and comments.
This last week, that same woman came back, months after the initial encounter. She was kind, and sweet, and you'd not have known there had been an issue. The pharmacist assisted her and finished her order... and the woman just stood there and did not leave. The pharmacist asked if there was something else she could help her with (because in the pharmacist's head she is calculating how many prescriptions are lying on the counter behind her yet to fill in the next 20 minutes, the phone is ringing, and the next vaccine is scheduled in 5 minutes, and she really really has to pee)... the woman hesitates, and then says that she's been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. The pharmacist is shocked and kindly expresses her concern and hopes that she is able to beat this thing. The woman then says that she is sorry for all she had done to her. She is sorry for the bad survey and her harsh words... and that she realizes how stressful the job is and that the pharmacist really was doing her best.
She apologized ONLY because she was now suffering and had time to review what she had done with her life.
While nobody ever wishes to suffer, sometimes a bit of suffering brings us to our senses.
I rejoice at this woman's apology, and I pray the Lord grants her a recovery from this illness, because while Stage 4 is very bad, God can work miracles... and may He grant her healing of body, as He has granted her healing of soul.