• A blessed Nativity / Theophany season to all! For users new and old: the forum rules were streamlined when we transitioned to the new software. Please ensure that you are familiar with them. Continued use of the forum means that you (a) know the rules, and (b) pledge that you'll abide by them. For more information, check out the OrthodoxChristianity.Net Rules section. (There are only 2 threads there - Rules, and Administrative Structure.)

I'm a bit stuck.

trevor72694

Archon
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 11, 2009
Messages
2,456
Reaction score
7
Points
38
Age
26
Location
Colorado, USA
Hello, all. 

Recently I made a trip to a monastery.  Some of you know that i carry a pretty heavy cross that I let lead me out of the Church for a time.  At this monastery, I met a pious monk who I had written to before, who also carries this cross.  We talked about it, and he helped me so much to understand how to deal with these feelings. 

I was invited to spend a month at the monastery this summer.

My mother does not want me to.  The issue is (right now) with me driving the car such a long way, however I have found bus tickets to a stop near the monastery.  I have a hunch she's using this as an excuse to say no.

I want to learn from this man so much, and I want to spend more time at the monastery.  I'm not pretentious enough to say that I have any sort of plans to become a monastic, however I know that I really want to spend more time at this place.

I'm afraid that if I tell my mother my desires, she won't hear of it.  I can't tell her the true reason, about my cross, because she would encourage me to indulge in it. 

What do you think I should do?
 

trevor72694

Archon
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 11, 2009
Messages
2,456
Reaction score
7
Points
38
Age
26
Location
Colorado, USA
Achronos said:
Just to be clear, this isn't Fr. Gregory's convent right?
There was no monk there named Fr. Gregory.

Achronos, this is a monastery of the Genuine True Orthodox Church of the Greeks in Diaspora Abroad, I'll have you know! ;)
 

Apples

Protokentarchos
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
4,360
Reaction score
0
Points
0
You're 19, don't let your mother control your spiritual life. You're not obligated to obey her since you're an adult as long as you're not extraneously confrontational about it. Don't tell her anything she doesn't need to know. Just say "I'm going, I'm sorry that you don't approve, but it is my life and it is not up for discussion."
 

augustin717

Taxiarches
Joined
Mar 15, 2006
Messages
6,850
Reaction score
0
Points
0
William said:
You're 19, don't let your mother control your spiritual life. You're not obligated to obey her since you're an adult as long as you're not extraneously confrontational about it. Don't tell her anything she doesn't need to know. Just say "I'm going, I'm sorry that you don't approve, but it is my life and it is not up for discussion."
if you depend on her financially, you might have to heed to her opinion.
 

TheTrisagion

Hoplitarches
Joined
Nov 9, 2012
Messages
17,834
Reaction score
17
Points
38
Age
41
Location
PA, USA
On a scale of 1 to 10, how ticked would she be if you just calmly explained to her that this is something you really want to do and will be going and hope that she can be supportive of you?
 

trevor72694

Archon
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 11, 2009
Messages
2,456
Reaction score
7
Points
38
Age
26
Location
Colorado, USA
TheTrisagion said:
On a scale of 1 to 10, how ticked would she be if you just calmly explained to her that this is something you really want to do and will be going and hope that she can be supportive of you?
I'll probably just come off as arrogant and pretentious, as I tend to do.

Perhaps it would be wisest to wait until next summer, when I'll turn 21, and be more of an adult in her eyes.
 

Apples

Protokentarchos
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
4,360
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
TheTrisagion said:
On a scale of 1 to 10, how ticked would she be if you just calmly explained to her that this is something you really want to do and will be going and hope that she can be supportive of you?
I'll probably just come off as arrogant and pretentious, as I tend to do.

Perhaps it would be wisest to wait until next summer, when I'll turn 21, and be more of an adult in her eyes.
IMO, you need to assert your independence, not reaffirm to her that she has total control over your life.
 

Nephi

Protokentarchos
Joined
Apr 18, 2011
Messages
4,829
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Age
30
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
My mother does not want me to.  The issue is (right now) with me driving the car such a long way, however I have found bus tickets to a stop near the monastery.  I have a hunch she's using this as an excuse to say no.
Since you say you have a hunch, but haven't heard for certain yet, ask her nicely if she would be okay with you going if you managed to ride a bus there (and possibly even paid yourself) and back. See what she says and go from there.
 

trevor72694

Archon
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 11, 2009
Messages
2,456
Reaction score
7
Points
38
Age
26
Location
Colorado, USA
Nephi said:
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
My mother does not want me to.  The issue is (right now) with me driving the car such a long way, however I have found bus tickets to a stop near the monastery.  I have a hunch she's using this as an excuse to say no.
Since you say you have a hunch, but haven't heard for certain yet, ask her nicely if she would be okay with you going if you managed to ride a bus there (and possibly even paid yourself) and back. See what she says and go from there.
Paying myself is no question - I do have a very small income, enough for a couple of bus tickets, or gas for the car. 
 

yeshuaisiam

Protokentarchos
Joined
Oct 20, 2010
Messages
4,695
Reaction score
0
Points
0
This is one of those cases where it is awkward to answer.  On one hand you are 19, well within the years of making decisions for yourself.  On the other hand it sounds like you are still living under her roof, which is becoming more and more common for 19 year olds - 28 year olds to do...

We are to honor our father & mother...

But we are also to honor our father in heaven. 

Pray to God for guidance in this matter. 

Also be sure to talk with your mother... Have a serious sit down conversation about it.

 

Nephi

Protokentarchos
Joined
Apr 18, 2011
Messages
4,829
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Age
30
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
Nephi said:
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
My mother does not want me to.  The issue is (right now) with me driving the car such a long way, however I have found bus tickets to a stop near the monastery.  I have a hunch she's using this as an excuse to say no.
Since you say you have a hunch, but haven't heard for certain yet, ask her nicely if she would be okay with you going if you managed to ride a bus there (and possibly even paid yourself) and back. See what she says and go from there.
Paying myself is no question - I do have a very small income, enough for a couple of bus tickets, or gas for the car. 
That's good. I obviously don't know your mother, but what I do know about my own parents is this would've made it much more likely to get a grudging "yes." I hope that her response'll be something like that, and I pray she'll let you go without any conflict.
 

trevor72694

Archon
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 11, 2009
Messages
2,456
Reaction score
7
Points
38
Age
26
Location
Colorado, USA
yeshuaisiam said:
This is one of those cases where it is awkward to answer.  On one hand you are 19, well within the years of making decisions for yourself.  On the other hand it sounds like you are still living under her roof, which is becoming more and more common for 19 year olds - 28 year olds to do...
Sort of.  I actually live at my university, and my full-ride scholarship pays for things like my food, tuition, and I work to pay for gas and such.  She pays for my phone and insurance.
 

Rufus

OC.Net Guru
Joined
Mar 4, 2010
Messages
1,337
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Age
31
Location
Massachusetts
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
Achronos said:
Just to be clear, this isn't Fr. Gregory's convent right?
There was no monk there named Fr. Gregory.

Achronos, this is a monastery of the Genuine True Orthodox Church of the Greeks in Diaspora Abroad, I'll have you know! ;)
? I was told it was the True True True True Orthodox Church. You just can't tell when these people are kidding.
 

IoanC

Archon
Joined
Nov 5, 2011
Messages
2,468
Reaction score
0
Points
0
I'd be careful around Genuine True Orthodox. They are schismatic, for one. And then they are known for desperately wanting believers no matter what the cost (the cost being your own life).
 

trevor72694

Archon
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 11, 2009
Messages
2,456
Reaction score
7
Points
38
Age
26
Location
Colorado, USA
IoanC said:
I'd be careful around Genuine True Orthodox. They are schismatic, for one. And then they are known for desperately wanting believers no matter what the cost (the cost being your own life).
I was merely joking.  The monastery is under the Orthodox Church in America. :)
 

hecma925

Stratopedarches
Joined
Jul 31, 2013
Messages
20,217
Reaction score
367
Points
83
Age
159
Location
The South
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
IoanC said:
I'd be careful around Genuine True Orthodox. They are schismatic, for one. And then they are known for desperately wanting believers no matter what the cost (the cost being your own life).
I was merely joking.  The monastery is under the Orthodox Church in America. :)
{Sigh of relief}

Becoming more independent financially (including taking charge of your own phone and insurance) will show your mother that you are more willing to do more to take responsibility of your own things.  When I was in college, even my parents buying me groceries once in a while was an occasion to hold it over my head and guilt me into doing things or going to places I didn't want to do/go.  You are an adult in the eyes of the law, even though society and your mother, don't really think so.  Take your mom out to lucnh (if you think she won't cause a scene) and have a conversation about what your goals are in life and that you are trying to figure out your place in life.  Going to the monastery for a time to learn about it and learn about yourself is a goal of yours and you should try to express that.  Also, try to show that you are coming from a place of love and respect for her and that if you didn't love/respect her, you wouldn't even ask about it.

You and your mother are in my prayers and if God wills, you'll be able to go.
 

IoanC

Archon
Joined
Nov 5, 2011
Messages
2,468
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
IoanC said:
I'd be careful around Genuine True Orthodox. They are schismatic, for one. And then they are known for desperately wanting believers no matter what the cost (the cost being your own life).
I was merely joking.  The monastery is under the Orthodox Church in America. :)
GOOD!  :)
 

hecma925

Stratopedarches
Joined
Jul 31, 2013
Messages
20,217
Reaction score
367
Points
83
Age
159
Location
The South
Mor Ephrem said:
IoanC said:
I'd be careful around Genuine True Orthodox. They are schismatic, for one. And then they are known for desperately wanting believers no matter what the cost (the cost being your own life).
Huh?
Monasticism is a surrendering of one's life to work out one's salvation.  I think IoanC was being a bit more melodramatic, but I'm not sure.
 

katherineofdixie

Protokentarchos
Joined
Jul 7, 2009
Messages
3,719
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Location
the South, thanks be to God
I agree that approaching your mother calmly is a good thing to do. Perhaps you could approach it by letting her know how helpful you found your conversations with this monk and what peace of mind it brought you. Then say something along the lines of that you really would like to spend more time there, and while you can understand her hesitation or objections, you would like her blessing to do so. Also mention that since she's concerned about the car, you will buy your bus tickets.
 

Cyrillic

Toumarches
Joined
Jun 9, 2012
Messages
13,710
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Age
26
Location
Netherlands
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
I'm afraid that if I tell my mother my desires, she won't hear of it.  I can't tell her the true reason, about my cross, because she would encourage me to indulge in it. 
You never told your own mother? Oh wow. Shouln't your mother be the first person to tell something like that to?
 

augustin717

Taxiarches
Joined
Mar 15, 2006
Messages
6,850
Reaction score
0
Points
0
But is if good for two guys that carry the same cross-as the op put it - to spend a month together. I mean if you believe the whe religious thing.
 

mike

Protostrator
Joined
Sep 14, 2008
Messages
24,873
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Age
30
Location
Białystok / Warsaw
augustin717 said:
But is if good for two guys that carry the same cross-as the op put it - to spend a month together. I mean if you believe the whe religious thing.
Actually you made an interesting point. Men are not generally allowed to stay in female monasteries. How is this case different?
 

hecma925

Stratopedarches
Joined
Jul 31, 2013
Messages
20,217
Reaction score
367
Points
83
Age
159
Location
The South
augustin717 said:
But is if good for two guys that carry the same cross-as the op put it - to spend a month together. I mean if you believe the whe religious thing.
That's a point to ponder.  Is he the only monk there?
 

trevor72694

Archon
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 11, 2009
Messages
2,456
Reaction score
7
Points
38
Age
26
Location
Colorado, USA
hecma925 said:
augustin717 said:
But is if good for two guys that carry the same cross-as the op put it - to spend a month together. I mean if you believe the whe religious thing.
That's a point to ponder.  Is he the only monk there?
No, he is one of about 6, and is in his 70s. 
 

trevor72694

Archon
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 11, 2009
Messages
2,456
Reaction score
7
Points
38
Age
26
Location
Colorado, USA
Cyrillic said:
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
I'm afraid that if I tell my mother my desires, she won't hear of it.  I can't tell her the true reason, about my cross, because she would encourage me to indulge in it. 
You never told your own mother? Oh wow. Shouln't your mother be the first person to tell something like that to?
She knows a bit, however it's really a huge big can of worms to open up by telling her, so I've found it best not to (and I'm perfectly content being celibate, anyway, which would drive her up the wall, so it's best not to mention it.)
 

trevor72694

Archon
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 11, 2009
Messages
2,456
Reaction score
7
Points
38
Age
26
Location
Colorado, USA
augustin717 said:
But is if good for two guys that carry the same cross-as the op put it - to spend a month together. I mean if you believe the whe religious thing.
You'd be surprised how many monastics presently or use to struggle with same-sex attraction.  Many live together in monasteries (not intentionally, though!)  It's not uncommon for people with SSA to go to monasteries, and there is a certain feeling between monastics, in my limited experience, that limits the sort of thing you're suggesting from happening.
 

LizaSymonenko

Hoplitarches
Staff member
Global Moderator
Moderator
Joined
Nov 7, 2007
Messages
16,306
Reaction score
92
Points
48
Location
Detroit
Website
protectress.org
Tikhon, we are taught to love and respect our parents.  However, living your own life, is not disrespecting her.

Do what you must.  Don't miss the opportunity.

If she starts yelling at you....do NOT yell back.  Let her yell...let her get it out of her system.  Don't walk away...just sit there and let her go at it.  Once she's had her say, she'll be better and you can then calmly speak with her, reminding her how much you love her and understand where she's coming from, however, she needs to trust you enough to let you spread your wings a bit.  Invite her to come visit you.  Make sure she realizes you are not running away from her, but, expanding your own horizons.  Tell her not to worry.  Perhaps, if monasticism isn't for you, this experience will convince you and you will not wish to go down that road in the future.

In the meantime, let her know what you will gain from spending the time at the monastery.  You will learn to be self sufficient.  You will learn discipline.  You will learn to be at peace amidst chaos.  

Pray before you have this conversation.  Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and your words and to allow your mother to realize this trip is not a threat, but, a good thing.
 

Achronos

Toumarches
Site Supporter
Joined
Oct 31, 2010
Messages
13,265
Reaction score
1
Points
0
Location
House Of Balloons
Is this where "You must hate your father, mother, etc and not have then over me" comes in?

Or is that a bit pedantic to say?

I'll get back to you Tikhon later.

I remember some of the things you have posted about your life and stuff you have said privately that others may not have the best perspective in giving the best advice.

I'm on my phone so it doesn't help yo type a monologue.
 

trevor72694

Archon
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 11, 2009
Messages
2,456
Reaction score
7
Points
38
Age
26
Location
Colorado, USA
Achronos said:
Is this where "You must hate your father, mother, etc and not have then over me" comes in?

Or is that a bit pedantic to say?

I'll get back to you Tikhon later.

I remember some of the things you have posted about your life and stuff you have said privately that others may not have the best perspective in giving the best advice.

I'm on my phone so it doesn't help yo type a monologue.
Yes, things that are probably too personal to have on the internet!!!  Ah, if I could go back... ;) 

On one hand, my "cross," as I call it, is something extremely personal and off-putting to people.

On the other hand, me being a bit open about it (at least online) might help Orthodox youngsters who struggle with it.  Knowing one isn't alone in the Church with these temptations and weaknesses is an extremely powerful thing, especially when society is pulling in the other direction.

I never mean to look as pretentious as I do, I just hope I can somehow help someone by being open online.

What you say is true, Achronos, I should compile all of my life-story poses into a blog entry or something and post them as a preface when I create threads around here!!!
 

Cyrillic

Toumarches
Joined
Jun 9, 2012
Messages
13,710
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Age
26
Location
Netherlands
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
Cyrillic said:
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
I'm afraid that if I tell my mother my desires, she won't hear of it.  I can't tell her the true reason, about my cross, because she would encourage me to indulge in it. 
You never told your own mother? Oh wow. Shouln't your mother be the first person to tell something like that to?
She knows a bit, however it's really a huge big can of worms to open up by telling her, so I've found it best not to (and I'm perfectly content being celibate, anyway, which would drive her up the wall, so it's best not to mention it.)
I think I've read some of your posts in which you described your family situation a bit. I don't envy you, but I wish you the best of luck.
 

augustin717

Taxiarches
Joined
Mar 15, 2006
Messages
6,850
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
augustin717 said:
But is if good for two guys that carry the same cross-as the op put it - to spend a month together. I mean if you believe the whe religious thing.
You'd be surprised how many monastics presently or use to struggle with same-sex attraction.  Many live together in monasteries (not intentionally, though!)  It's not uncommon for people with SSA to go to monasteries, and there is a certain feeling between monastics, in my limited experience, that limits the sort of thing you're suggesting from happening.
I'm not surprised at all . I'm aware that a high percentage of monks are of the ssa persuasion. I knew actually still know one although I don't keep in touch with him - but even though we only knew each other in passing he asked my phone number . I gave him my number and then for several months he used to text me at late hours. Nothing inappropriate but still kinda weird. He's Romanian and a priest now . But in the US.
 

orthonorm

Hoplitarches
Joined
Jul 24, 2010
Messages
17,715
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
Hello, all.  

Recently I made a trip to a monastery.  Some of you know that i carry a pretty heavy cross that I let lead me out of the Church for a time.  At this monastery, I met a pious monk who I had written to before, who also carries this cross.  We talked about it, and he helped me so much to understand how to deal with these feelings.  

I was invited to spend a month at the monastery this summer.

My mother does not want me to.  The issue is (right now) with me driving the car such a long way, however I have found bus tickets to a stop near the monastery.  I have a hunch she's using this as an excuse to say no.

I want to learn from this man so much, and I want to spend more time at the monastery.  I'm not pretentious enough to say that I have any sort of plans to become a monastic, however I know that I really want to spend more time at this place.

I'm afraid that if I tell my mother my desires, she won't hear of it.  I can't tell her the true reason, about my cross, because she would encourage me to indulge in it.  

What do you think I should do?
I haven't read the thread but the bolded would be in red, if I were allowed to do so. They would also be placed on a flag.

If you were my son, there would be a lot of long talks. And if you didn't want to hook up, the solution would end up being written correspondence with his abbot reading the exchange along with myself or another adult.

If you didn't want to hook up.
 

orthonorm

Hoplitarches
Joined
Jul 24, 2010
Messages
17,715
Reaction score
0
Points
0
augustin717 said:
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
augustin717 said:
But is if good for two guys that carry the same cross-as the op put it - to spend a month together. I mean if you believe the whe religious thing.
You'd be surprised how many monastics presently or use to struggle with same-sex attraction.  Many live together in monasteries (not intentionally, though!)  It's not uncommon for people with SSA to go to monasteries, and there is a certain feeling between monastics, in my limited experience, that limits the sort of thing you're suggesting from happening.
I'm not surprised at all . I'm aware that a high percentage of monks are of the ssa persuasion. I knew actually still know one although I don't keep in touch with him - but even though we only knew each other in passing he asked my phone number . I gave him my number and then for several months he used to text me at late hours. Nothing inappropriate but still kinda weird. He's Romanian and a priest now . But in the US.
I spent time with Jesuits in Seminary. My buddy and I were the only ones not having sex, well at least not with another seminarian and rather openly at that. They were all from EE. Weird thing was that my GF couldn't even stay in the housing. I found that rather comical given the circumstances I had learn to put up with.

Raise the bar to monasticism and no I am not surprised.
 

trevor72694

Archon
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 11, 2009
Messages
2,456
Reaction score
7
Points
38
Age
26
Location
Colorado, USA
orthonorm said:
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
Hello, all. 

Recently I made a trip to a monastery.  Some of you know that i carry a pretty heavy cross that I let lead me out of the Church for a time.  At this monastery, I met a pious monk who I had written to before, who also carries this cross.  We talked about it, and he helped me so much to understand how to deal with these feelings. 

I was invited to spend a month at the monastery this summer.

My mother does not want me to.  The issue is (right now) with me driving the car such a long way, however I have found bus tickets to a stop near the monastery.  I have a hunch she's using this as an excuse to say no.

I want to learn from this man so much, and I want to spend more time at the monastery.  I'm not pretentious enough to say that I have any sort of plans to become a monastic, however I know that I really want to spend more time at this place.

I'm afraid that if I tell my mother my desires, she won't hear of it.  I can't tell her the true reason, about my cross, because she would encourage me to indulge in it. 

What do you think I should do?
I haven't read the thread but the bolded would be in red, if I were allowed to do so. They would also be placed on a flag.

If you were my son, there would be a lot of long talks. And if you didn't want to hook up, the solution would end up being written correspondence with his abbot reading the exchange along with myself or another adult.

If you didn't want to hook up.
This is one of the faults of putting things like this on the internet, you can't seem to see the context of what I've tried to say.

We're talking about a frail little old man who can barely walk, but who has struggled with a similar cross as I.  There is nothing devious involved in this at all, I merely want to learn more from him.

I know I'm not an adult, but I am nearly 20 and can look out for myself in this regard. 

Also, I'm offended that you would think that I'd want to "hook up" with this person.  That's preposterous. 
 

orthonorm

Hoplitarches
Joined
Jul 24, 2010
Messages
17,715
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
orthonorm said:
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
Hello, all. 

Recently I made a trip to a monastery.  Some of you know that i carry a pretty heavy cross that I let lead me out of the Church for a time.  At this monastery, I met a pious monk who I had written to before, who also carries this cross.  We talked about it, and he helped me so much to understand how to deal with these feelings. 

I was invited to spend a month at the monastery this summer.

My mother does not want me to.  The issue is (right now) with me driving the car such a long way, however I have found bus tickets to a stop near the monastery.  I have a hunch she's using this as an excuse to say no.

I want to learn from this man so much, and I want to spend more time at the monastery.  I'm not pretentious enough to say that I have any sort of plans to become a monastic, however I know that I really want to spend more time at this place.

I'm afraid that if I tell my mother my desires, she won't hear of it.  I can't tell her the true reason, about my cross, because she would encourage me to indulge in it. 

What do you think I should do?
I haven't read the thread but the bolded would be in red, if I were allowed to do so. They would also be placed on a flag.

If you were my son, there would be a lot of long talks. And if you didn't want to hook up, the solution would end up being written correspondence with his abbot reading the exchange along with myself or another adult.

If you didn't want to hook up.
This is one of the faults of putting things like this on the internet, you can't seem to see the context of what I've tried to say.

We're talking about a frail little old man who can barely walk, but who has struggled with a similar cross as I.  There is nothing devious involved in this at all, I merely want to learn more from him.

I know I'm not an adult, but I am nearly 20 and can look out for myself in this regard. 

Also, I'm offended that you would think that I'd want to "hook up" with this person.  That's preposterous. 
You can be offended by my hypothetical son's possible desires all you want.

I don't know you, the monk, nor nearly anyone on this board. I don't pretend to do so. I response to the text I read. As far as I am concerned you could be a 35 year old woman. To make my reading a little easier I go with what persona the person affects.

You asked. You got an answer. And old men have sex too and even those who can barely walk. Some guys even prefer those men. If my son were gay and wanted to attempt to avoid having sex with men and wanted my help, read the above.
 

Papist

Toumarches
Joined
Aug 24, 2006
Messages
13,771
Reaction score
0
Points
0
Age
39
Location
Albuquerque, New Mexico
orthonorm said:
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
orthonorm said:
Tikhon.of.Colorado said:
Hello, all. 

Recently I made a trip to a monastery.  Some of you know that i carry a pretty heavy cross that I let lead me out of the Church for a time.  At this monastery, I met a pious monk who I had written to before, who also carries this cross.  We talked about it, and he helped me so much to understand how to deal with these feelings. 

I was invited to spend a month at the monastery this summer.

My mother does not want me to.  The issue is (right now) with me driving the car such a long way, however I have found bus tickets to a stop near the monastery.  I have a hunch she's using this as an excuse to say no.

I want to learn from this man so much, and I want to spend more time at the monastery.  I'm not pretentious enough to say that I have any sort of plans to become a monastic, however I know that I really want to spend more time at this place.

I'm afraid that if I tell my mother my desires, she won't hear of it.  I can't tell her the true reason, about my cross, because she would encourage me to indulge in it. 

What do you think I should do?
I haven't read the thread but the bolded would be in red, if I were allowed to do so. They would also be placed on a flag.

If you were my son, there would be a lot of long talks. And if you didn't want to hook up, the solution would end up being written correspondence with his abbot reading the exchange along with myself or another adult.

If you didn't want to hook up.
This is one of the faults of putting things like this on the internet, you can't seem to see the context of what I've tried to say.

We're talking about a frail little old man who can barely walk, but who has struggled with a similar cross as I.  There is nothing devious involved in this at all, I merely want to learn more from him.

I know I'm not an adult, but I am nearly 20 and can look out for myself in this regard. 

Also, I'm offended that you would think that I'd want to "hook up" with this person.  That's preposterous. 
You can be offended by my hypothetical son's possible desires all you want.

I don't know you, the monk, nor nearly anyone on this board. I don't pretend to do so. I response to the text I read. As far as I am concerned you could be a 35 year old woman. To make my reading a little easier I go with what persona the person affects.

You asked. You got an answer. And old men have sex too and even those who can barely walk. Some guys even prefer those men. If my son were gay and wanted to attempt to avoid having sex with men and wanted my help, read the above.
I would share the same concerns that Orthonorm raises. Some people just turn out to be creepers.
 
Top