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Joke of the Day Thread

xariskai

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A rabbi and a priest get into a horrible traffic accident.
Both of them have great difficulty crawling out of their mangled cars but somehow overcome.
Incredibly enough not a hair on the head of either man is damaged.
The rabbi, looking at the horribly mangled remains of both cars turns to the priest and says:
"It is impossible to believe in strictly human terms anyone could possibly survive this, but both of us have: I think I don't even have a scratch!
"I'm fine too" said the priest; "it is horrible about our cars, but thanks be to God both of us survived!! It is truly a miracle from Him.
The rabbi replied Why would spare me? Both of us? Perhaps somehow this is a sign from Him that we should become good friends?
The priest agrees.
The rabbi reaches into the back seat of his destroyed car and said "Look!" My whole car is crushed, but this bottle of expensive wine is completely unscathed! I'm still shaking. Perhaps this too is also a sign from God. We should have a small sip together to celebrate our new friendship! I think I need a sip after that horrible accident -I'm still shaking!- would you please join me? Even in these circumstances I would hate for one of my people to see me sipping wine alone...
The priest agrees.
The rabbi hands the wine bottle to the priest and he takes a couple of chugs from it and hands it back to the rabbi.
The rabbi immediately puts the bottle cap on and hands it back to the priest.
The priest, confused, asks "Aren't you going to drink some?"
The rabbi than says "You know... I think I'll wait for the police to arrive!"
 

xariskai

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Here's a joke about a pencil with a broken tip.
Never mind -it's pointless.
 

Bizzlebin

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A peanut was out on the street in a bad part of town. He was a-salted.
 

Bizzlebin

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A farmer, an engineer, and a teacher of the law were arguing with each other about whose profession was the oldest.

The farmer said, "All of civilization is built upon farming, so my job is the oldest one around!".

The engineer replied, "But surely there was existence before civilization. How was the world created out of chaos if not through divine engineering? Clearly, engineering is the oldest profession!".

Chuckling to himself, the teacher of the law retorted with a wry smile, "But who caused the chaos?".
 

Bizzlebin

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A stewardess went over to check on a passenger who was afraid of flying.
"How often do planes like this crash?", he asked her.
She replied, "Only once!".
 

Luke

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Moses asked Aaron where he thought they were. He replied, "The Wilderness of Shur."

Moses asked, "Are you sure?"
 

Bizzlebin

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A good one for Lent:

"Did you hear they just opened up an Orthodox salad restaurant in town?"
"No, what is it called?"
"Lettuce Attend!"
 

Luke

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