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Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column

vamrat

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That person said:
vamrat said:
If she has a problem with the car you drive, then she isn't worth it.
I figured as much, but what if the car I drive would make her think better of me? Or certain aspects of me anyway.

It doesn't really matter. Most girls at my school are too sheltered to get the ins and outs of phallic stereotypes.
If you need to impress a girl with a car get a Benz.  If you have the money get something Italian.  Otherwise, don't worry about it.  If it isn't a Lamborghini, someone will always have something better.

If they don't understand all the nuances of the phallus, just make sure you wear a codpiece on your first date.  Even the dimmest broad will understand that.

BTW, if you buy a truck, you're just admitting that you posses a microphallus**.  Don't do that.  And I swear, I f****ng swear, if you put truck balls on your truck, I will hunt you down and kill you.



**Or you utilize it for some form of work.  That is OK, but it will probably be dinged up which will prove that you aren't doing this as a means of penile prosthesis.
 

JamesR

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I do not think women care about cars. Judging from every woman I have ever talked to, they seem to show little to no interest in a man's car. It might just be an unnecessary burden we are putting on ourselves. Besides, if a person has funk and style, then it does not matter what you are wearing or riding because you can sell it and make it look good.
 

Asteriktos

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Why don't you take a sec to mire my car...



Haters gonna hate. Come at me bro.
 

JamesR

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You just have to have style my friend and sell it. Play some Nate Dogg on the radio, hang two oversized dice from the rear view mirror, some leather seats etc. Funk will go a long way for you.
 

Cavaradossi

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JamesR said:
Asteriktos said:
I'm looking for a special lady to enjoy my company and appreciate my brilliance. If you meet the following qualifications, you will private message me, and I will then let you know whether I want to go forward with a relationship.

Qualifications
- No kids. Also, you must not have any kids of your own.
- Red hair preferred. Natural redheads only. Imposters will be severely punished. This will be verified during the first meeting.
- Breasts no bigger than a C cup, but no smaller than a B cup.
- Green eyes a plus, but I can work with brown eyes if you also have brown or black hair.
- Glasses a plus. Contact wearers need not apply.
- Long toes.
- Large tush. Bubble butts will be accepted or rejected depending on comparison of butt-to-breast proportions.
- Intelligent, but not smarter than me. (Exception: must be smarter than me in culinary and other related skills).
- Between 5'2" and 5'4"
- Between 125 and 145 lbs. Exceptions to this (within a 5 pound margin) must have good justification.
- Low maintenance.
- Must be "open minded" in the bedroom.
- Must be a liberal: philosophically, politically, religiously.
- Must enjoy reading.
- Must enjoy watching sports.
- Should have a graduate degree, or be preparing to enter a program in pursuit of such a degree.
- Must find bald men irresistable.
- Likes heavy metal music, horror movies, and various other forms of low-brow entertainment.
- No pro wrestling fans.
- Familiarity with Star Trek highly desired.
- Must be able to meet personal grooming requests.
Sounds like you are going to need more than one woman...
Why else would these two be criteria?

- Low maintenance.
- Must be "open minded" in the bedroom.
 

Achronos

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JamesR said:
I do not think women care about cars. Judging from every woman I have ever talked to, they seem to show little to no interest in a man's car. It might just be an unnecessary burden we are putting on ourselves. Besides, if a person has funk and style, then it does not matter what you are wearing or riding because you can sell it and make it look good.
But women care about that funk and style, surely. Dude how did you manage to get all life experiences at the age of 16 again?

 

ironchapman

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Achronos said:
JamesR said:
I do not think women care about cars. Judging from every woman I have ever talked to, they seem to show little to no interest in a man's car. It might just be an unnecessary burden we are putting on ourselves. Besides, if a person has funk and style, then it does not matter what you are wearing or riding because you can sell it and make it look good.
But women care about that funk and style, surely. Dude how did you manage to get all life experiences at the age of 16 again?
My parents used to ask me this when I was 16. Sometimes they still ask me it, heh. :p
 

orthonorm

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If I ever get my life back, this thread needs some serious maintenance.

The blind are leading the blind. And yes I know the cause of your blindness. It certainly ain't congenital.

 

Asteriktos

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Cavaradossi said:
Why else would these two be criteria?

- Low maintenance.
- Must be "open minded" in the bedroom.
Well, actually, the thin----  wait, I can't talk about thaton this forum!!|!. NVM!  ;D
 

Asteriktos

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orthonorm said:
If I ever get my life back, this thread needs some serious maintenance.

The blind are leading the blind. And yes I know the cause of your blindness. It certainly ain't congenital.
Don't worry, I'll hold down the fort until you return, offering sage advice from my dragon's-treasure-pile of knowledge  :police:
 

Asteriktos

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That person said:
orthonorm said:
If I ever get my life back, this thread needs some serious maintenance.
I look forward to it.
He's been saying that for months...  He's like an athlete who shows up every few months to assure everyone he's not going to retire, hoping his sponsors don't drop him like a rock.  :p
 

Achronos

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orthonorm said:
If I ever get my life back, this thread needs some serious maintenance.

The blind are leading the blind. And yes I know the cause of your blindness. It certainly ain't congenital.
Stop fronting that you have a life. You're just like the rest of us, trying to make sense out of Asteriktos life and spending hours on it.
 

vamrat

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Achronos said:
orthonorm said:
If I ever get my life back, this thread needs some serious maintenance.

The blind are leading the blind. And yes I know the cause of your blindness. It certainly ain't congenital.
Stop fronting that you have a life. You're just like the rest of us, trying to make sense out of Asteriktos life and spending hours on it.
Lost cause.  I got a sex change to please him and it still wasn't enough.
 

Asteriktos

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Achronos said:
Stop fronting that you have a life. You're just like the rest of us, trying to make sense out of Asteriktos life and spending hours on it.
vamrat said:
Lost cause.  I got a sex change to please him and it still wasn't enough.
Someone once tried to insult me by saying I had "an oblique personality". I thanked him for the compliment.

But vamrat, I hadn't decided yet, don't be so glum. Tell you what, make a profile on fetlife and post a dozen or so pics, and I'll take a gander. Deal?  ;D
 

vamrat

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Asteriktos said:
Achronos said:
Stop fronting that you have a life. You're just like the rest of us, trying to make sense out of Asteriktos life and spending hours on it.
vamrat said:
Lost cause.  I got a sex change to please him and it still wasn't enough.
Someone once tried to insult me by saying I had "an oblique personality". I thanked him for the compliment.

But vamrat, I hadn't decided yet, don't be so glum. Tell you what, make a profile on fetlife and post a dozen or so pics, and I'll take a gander. Deal?  ;D
[sniffle]  Ok  [sniffle]
 

JamesR

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So there is this one girl at my Church, cute little blonde about my age. We don't talk very much, however, we have slightly been socializing a bit more, but not that much. Anyway, this saturday night for Pascha I kind of want to step it up a knotch with her. Wondering if anyone had any advice here since I'm a little sixteen year old and all of you wise old people have years of experience. What should I do? Stand by her, offer her my coat, put my arm around her, get a hotel, be a gentlemen, be an ass?
 

orthonorm

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JamesR said:
So there is this one girl at my Church, cute little blonde about my age. We don't talk very much, however, we have slightly been socializing a bit more, but not that much. Anyway, this saturday night for Pascha I kind of want to step it up a knotch with her. Wondering if anyone had any advice here since I'm a little sixteen year old and all of you wise old people have years of experience. What should I do? Stand by her, offer her my coat, put my arm around her, get a hotel, be a gentlemen, be an ass?
Ask Cavaradossi around here about a killer inside joke about Tosca. If she makes the connection to the alluded word play, it will truly be an Easter marigold.

Or just chill. Don't discuss Russian mail order brides, the decay of Western Civilization, and just ask her a few questions about herself and pay attention and don't talk too much.



 

NicholasMyra

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JamesR said:
So there is this one girl at my Church, cute little blonde about my age. We don't talk very much, however, we have slightly been socializing a bit more, but not that much. Anyway, this saturday night for Pascha I kind of want to step it up a knotch with her. Wondering if anyone had any advice here since I'm a little sixteen year old and all of you wise old people have years of experience. What should I do? Stand by her, offer her my coat, put my arm around her, get a hotel, be a gentlemen, be an ass?
Is this before or after the fasting starts again?
 

Anastasia1

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I just met a guy I like, but he works for the rep I am volunteering for. I know you shouldn't date co-workers, and it would be cool if I ever got a job offer from the rep if/when he wins.  Should I just forget about it until after the election?
 

vamrat

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Anastasia1 said:
I just met a guy I like, but he works for the rep I am volunteering for. I know you shouldn't date co-workers, and it would be cool if I ever got a job offer from the rep if/when he wins.  Should I just forget about it until after the election?
The only advice I have is the warning that if stuff goes south it will be hard to work around him.  Also, since he is in at the firm and you are not yet this could potentially become a lop-sided relationship.  I'm not going to persuade or dissuade you, just pointing out two obvious drawbacks.
 

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JamesR said:
So there is this one girl at my Church, cute little blonde about my age. We don't talk very much, however, we have slightly been socializing a bit more, but not that much. Anyway, this saturday night for Pascha I kind of want to step it up a knotch with her. Wondering if anyone had any advice here since I'm a little sixteen year old and all of you wise old people have years of experience. What should I do? Stand by her, offer her my coat, put my arm around her, get a hotel, be a gentlemen, be an ass?
Be a gentleman. But don't act like she's the only person in the room. You should wait until after the Fast to start dating someone.  ;)
 

vamrat

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Manalive said:
JamesR said:
So there is this one girl at my Church, cute little blonde about my age. We don't talk very much, however, we have slightly been socializing a bit more, but not that much. Anyway, this saturday night for Pascha I kind of want to step it up a knotch with her. Wondering if anyone had any advice here since I'm a little sixteen year old and all of you wise old people have years of experience. What should I do? Stand by her, offer her my coat, put my arm around her, get a hotel, be a gentlemen, be an ass?
Be a gentleman. But don't act like she's the only person in the room. You should wait until after the Fast to start dating someone.  ;)
Yeah.  Would have been good to know about forty days ago...  :'(
 

Punch

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JamesR said:
So there is this one girl at my Church, cute little blonde about my age. We don't talk very much, however, we have slightly been socializing a bit more, but not that much. Anyway, this saturday night for Pascha I kind of want to step it up a knotch with her. Wondering if anyone had any advice here since I'm a little sixteen year old and all of you wise old people have years of experience. What should I do? Stand by her, offer her my coat, put my arm around her, get a hotel, be a gentlemen, be an ass?
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.  Don't do it!  You are too young to end your life.
 

Punch

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Manalive said:
JamesR said:
So there is this one girl at my Church, cute little blonde about my age. We don't talk very much, however, we have slightly been socializing a bit more, but not that much. Anyway, this saturday night for Pascha I kind of want to step it up a knotch with her. Wondering if anyone had any advice here since I'm a little sixteen year old and all of you wise old people have years of experience. What should I do? Stand by her, offer her my coat, put my arm around her, get a hotel, be a gentlemen, be an ass?
Be a gentleman. But don't act like she's the only person in the room. You should wait until after the Fast to start dating someone.  ;)
Why wait?  Is this another made up "tradition" that can be found nowhere in Scripture and practiced by nearly no one?
 

primuspilus

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JamesR said:
So there is this one girl at my Church, cute little blonde about my age. We don't talk very much, however, we have slightly been socializing a bit more, but not that much. Anyway, this saturday night for Pascha I kind of want to step it up a knotch with her. Wondering if anyone had any advice here since I'm a little sixteen year old and all of you wise old people have years of experience. What should I do? Stand by her, offer her my coat, put my arm around her, get a hotel, be a gentlemen, be an ass?
Ask your priest  :p
 

Asteriktos

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Anastasia1 said:
I just met a guy I like, but he works for the rep I am volunteering for. I know you shouldn't date co-workers, and it would be cool if I ever got a job offer from the rep if/when he wins.  Should I just forget about it until after the election?
On possible route is to ask him out to lunch to discuss political strategery or something, and see what happens from there...
 

primuspilus

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Asteriktos said:
Anastasia1 said:
I just met a guy I like, but he works for the rep I am volunteering for. I know you shouldn't date co-workers, and it would be cool if I ever got a job offer from the rep if/when he wins.  Should I just forget about it until after the election?
On possible route is to ask him out to lunch to discuss political strategery or something, and see what happens from there...
"I think the best way our guy can win is for you to follow me to the Motel 6....."

PP
 

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Punch said:
Manalive said:
JamesR said:
So there is this one girl at my Church, cute little blonde about my age. We don't talk very much, however, we have slightly been socializing a bit more, but not that much. Anyway, this saturday night for Pascha I kind of want to step it up a knotch with her. Wondering if anyone had any advice here since I'm a little sixteen year old and all of you wise old people have years of experience. What should I do? Stand by her, offer her my coat, put my arm around her, get a hotel, be a gentlemen, be an ass?
Be a gentleman. But don't act like she's the only person in the room. You should wait until after the Fast to start dating someone.  ;)
Why wait?  Is this another made up "tradition" that can be found nowhere in Scripture and practiced by nearly no one?

Why yes. I just made it up. Since I clearly stated in my post this was a tradition practiced by the church you shouldn't even have to ask. I just figured my statement would be as obvious as your ending the young man's life with dating/marriage comment is also "traditional". It dare wouldn't be my own advice or opinion.
 

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primuspilus said:
Asteriktos said:
Anastasia1 said:
I just met a guy I like, but he works for the rep I am volunteering for. I know you shouldn't date co-workers, and it would be cool if I ever got a job offer from the rep if/when he wins.  Should I just forget about it until after the election?
On possible route is to ask him out to lunch to discuss political strategery or something, and see what happens from there...
"I think the best way our guy can win is for you to follow me to the Motel 6....."

PP
Wow. What kind of dates are you going on, Primuspilus...
 

Punch

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You stated such, but I do not believe you.

Manalive said:
Punch said:
Manalive said:
JamesR said:
So there is this one girl at my Church, cute little blonde about my age. We don't talk very much, however, we have slightly been socializing a bit more, but not that much. Anyway, this saturday night for Pascha I kind of want to step it up a knotch with her. Wondering if anyone had any advice here since I'm a little sixteen year old and all of you wise old people have years of experience. What should I do? Stand by her, offer her my coat, put my arm around her, get a hotel, be a gentlemen, be an ass?
Be a gentleman. But don't act like she's the only person in the room. You should wait until after the Fast to start dating someone.  ;)
Why wait?  Is this another made up "tradition" that can be found nowhere in Scripture and practiced by nearly no one?

Why yes. I just made it up. Since I clearly stated in my post this was a tradition practiced by the church you shouldn't even have to ask. I just figured my statement would be as obvious as your ending the young man's life with dating/marriage comment is also "traditional". It dare wouldn't be my own advice or opinion.
 

JamesR

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Manalive said:
JamesR said:
So there is this one girl at my Church, cute little blonde about my age. We don't talk very much, however, we have slightly been socializing a bit more, but not that much. Anyway, this saturday night for Pascha I kind of want to step it up a knotch with her. Wondering if anyone had any advice here since I'm a little sixteen year old and all of you wise old people have years of experience. What should I do? Stand by her, offer her my coat, put my arm around her, get a hotel, be a gentlemen, be an ass?
Be a gentleman. But don't act like she's the only person in the room. You should wait until after the Fast to start dating someone.  ;)
Thank you :)
 

Asteriktos

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Science has proven that the best place to go for advice on dating/relationships is a thread about this on a gaming forum. You can't refute science.
 

Punch

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Asteriktos said:
Science has proven that the best place to go for advice on dating/relationships is a thread about this on a gaming forum. You can't refute science.
Yes, nobody can give better advice than a bunch of 30 year old virgins living in their mom's basement.
 

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Punch said:
Asteriktos said:
Science has proven that the best place to go for advice on dating/relationships is a thread about this on a gaming forum. You can't refute science.
Yes, nobody can give better advice than a bunch of 30 year old virgins living in their mom's basement.
You mad because they have an easier life than you? Yeah, you're mad...  ;D
 

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dzheremi said:
primuspilus said:
Asteriktos said:
Anastasia1 said:
I just met a guy I like, but he works for the rep I am volunteering for. I know you shouldn't date co-workers, and it would be cool if I ever got a job offer from the rep if/when he wins.  Should I just forget about it until after the election?
On possible route is to ask him out to lunch to discuss political strategery or something, and see what happens from there...
"I think the best way our guy can win is for you to follow me to the Motel 6....."

PP
Wow. What kind of dates are you going on, Primuspilus...
I'm not sure we really want to know what kind of dates Primuspilus goes on...
 

Punch

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Not only am I mad, but I am also angry.

Asteriktos said:
Punch said:
Asteriktos said:
Science has proven that the best place to go for advice on dating/relationships is a thread about this on a gaming forum. You can't refute science.
Yes, nobody can give better advice than a bunch of 30 year old virgins living in their mom's basement.
You mad because they have an easier life than you? Yeah, you're mad...  ;D
 

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Punch said:
Not only am I mad, but I am also angry.

Asteriktos said:
Punch said:
Asteriktos said:
Science has proven that the best place to go for advice on dating/relationships is a thread about this on a gaming forum. You can't refute science.
Yes, nobody can give better advice than a bunch of 30 year old virgins living in their mom's basement.
You mad because they have an easier life than you? Yeah, you're mad...  ;D
Well, maybe some day when they leave their geeky existence behind they'll do things that normal people do... like post on theology boards.  :-*
 

primuspilus

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Anastasia1 said:
dzheremi said:
primuspilus said:
Asteriktos said:
Anastasia1 said:
I just met a guy I like, but he works for the rep I am volunteering for. I know you shouldn't date co-workers, and it would be cool if I ever got a job offer from the rep if/when he wins.  Should I just forget about it until after the election?
On possible route is to ask him out to lunch to discuss political strategery or something, and see what happens from there...
"I think the best way our guy can win is for you to follow me to the Motel 6....."

PP
Wow. What kind of dates are you going on, Primuspilus...
I'm not sure we really want to know what kind of dates Primuspilus goes on...
Well, I did marry my wife 3 weeks after we met.......

PP
 

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I'm so excited right now! Look at this email I just got...

You have a new message from vicky23. It reads:

vicky44u@yahoo.comHello.My Name is vicky i want to your profile today at
(orthodoxchristiandating.com) and i love it i think we can clcik from
thier!please i will like you to email me back through my email
thus;(vicky44u@yahoo.com)  am waiting to recive your lovely reply
soonest! Yours vicky    !please contact me through my email address so
i can give you my picture and tell you my datel have a nice day.
What should I do? *squeeeeee*
 
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