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Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column

Asteriktos

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JamesR said:
Hyperdox Herman does not approve of homosexuality; it is a godless Greek invention.
ironchapman said:
JamesR said:
Hyperdox Herman does not approve of homosexuality; it is a godless Greek invention.
And sodomy is a Godless Latinization.
SolEX01 said:
Be Clear, Be Polite, Don't Freeze Him Out

The Best Way to Turn a Guy Down
???  ???  What? ZZ understood the situation, I think... I'm not sure what you men folk are trying to imply. I just want to know whether to make him my workout partner?
 

Anastasia1

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I had a date with a guy from a campaign I am volunteering on, and I am friendzoned, but some of the reasons I don't think were entirely clear about where I stand on them.  I don't know if I should say anything about them or not because this isn't enough to change anything right now. Depending on his job situation and how much he would be interested in getting married in a few years (I want to get married in a few years because I think it takes a couple years to get to know a person that well but I do want to get married), it might change something.

I came off rushed as to how fast I would be bf/gf or came off like that because we went a little far a little fast-which was fun but it also made me stop and talk about where we were going too soon, and because I really liked him and probably should not have been reading so many dating articles that day in the hopes of it going well.  

I am also ok with going slowly-though I don't understand this being friends first thing if that means only thinking platonically about a person for a while.  Is that what it means? You can only be 100% platonic with and about the person first?  If I am more interested in finding out if a guy and I are compatible when I meet a rareguy who could be the kind of guy that I want, does that mean my approach to relationshipsfundamentally differs from being friends first?

Also, I would have been less involved in the campaign if it did get awkward after a breakup or fight or something. I'm more involved because I have little reason not to be.  I have another avenue not to achieve one of the biggest reasons I started volunteering.  I was also unclear on something that I think could easily be resolved with regard to a boundar I have.I respect his reasons for friendzoning me, but with regard to some of them, I would rather know that I am rejected for what I am and where I stand than for a misconception.
 

vamrat

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Anastasia1 said:
I had a date with a guy from a campaign I am volunteering on, and I am friendzoned, but some of the reasons I don't think were entirely clear about where I stand on them.  I don't know if I should say anything about them or not because this isn't enough to change anything right now. Depending on his job situation and how much he would be interested in getting married in a few years (I want to get married in a few years because I think it takes a couple years to get to know a person that well but I do want to get married), it might change something.

I came off rushed as to how fast I would be bf/gf or came off like that because we went a little far a little fast-which was fun but it also made me stop and talk about where we were going too soon, and because I really liked him and probably should not have been reading so many dating articles that day in the hopes of it going well.  

I am also ok with going slowly-though I don't understand this being friends first thing if that means only thinking platonically about a person for a while.  Is that what it means? You can only be 100% platonic with and about the person first?  If I am more interested in finding out if a guy and I are compatible when I meet a rareguy who could be the kind of guy that I want, does that mean my approach to relationshipsfundamentally differs from being friends first?

Also, I would have been less involved in the campaign if it did get awkward after a breakup or fight or something. I'm more involved because I have little reason not to be.  I have another avenue not to achieve one of the biggest reasons I started volunteering.  I was also unclear on something that I think could easily be resolved with regard to a boundar I have.I respect his reasons for friendzoning me, but with regard to some of them, I would rather know that I am rejected for what I am and where I stand than for a misconception.
Since this is a joke thread, let me start off by saying, Great Platypus.

Now, since I think you are being serious...friendzoning is pretty much a rejection.  Without knowing what reasons he gave you I cannot make many inferences about this, but I think it is reasonably safe to say you have been rejected.  Also, how far things rushed could play a major part in it.  If he got all he was after quickly, then there really was no need for him to stick around afterwards.  I know this probably sounds callous...but well, that's kind of what it is.

All the same, the best of luck to you.

 

Cognomen

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vamrat said:
witega said:
ironchapman said:
BTW, who is the Saint (or Saints) for single people who are seeking a relationship (or however I should put it)?
I don't know if there's an 'official' answer, but a good place to start might be St. Basil the Elder and his wife St. Emmilia of Caesarea. And their son, St. Gregory of Nyssa.
I have prayed to the Theotokos, St. Nicholas, and at times to St. Xenia of St. Petersburg.
Crossing them off my list then... 

;D
 

Hiwot

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Cognomen said:
vamrat said:
witega said:
ironchapman said:
BTW, who is the Saint (or Saints) for single people who are seeking a relationship (or however I should put it)?
I don't know if there's an 'official' answer, but a good place to start might be St. Basil the Elder and his wife St. Emmilia of Caesarea. And their son, St. Gregory of Nyssa.
I have prayed to the Theotokos, St. Nicholas, and at times to St. Xenia of St. Petersburg.
Crossing them off my list then... 

;D
Oh My ! this is one of the funniest things I've read! ROFL!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 

vamrat

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Cognomen said:
vamrat said:
witega said:
ironchapman said:
BTW, who is the Saint (or Saints) for single people who are seeking a relationship (or however I should put it)?
I don't know if there's an 'official' answer, but a good place to start might be St. Basil the Elder and his wife St. Emmilia of Caesarea. And their son, St. Gregory of Nyssa.
I have prayed to the Theotokos, St. Nicholas, and at times to St. Xenia of St. Petersburg.
Crossing them off my list then...  

;D
Ugh.

EDIT - Let's not blame the Saints for my numerous failures!    :police:
 

Hiwot

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vamrat said:
Cognomen said:
vamrat said:
witega said:
ironchapman said:
BTW, who is the Saint (or Saints) for single people who are seeking a relationship (or however I should put it)?
I don't know if there's an 'official' answer, but a good place to start might be St. Basil the Elder and his wife St. Emmilia of Caesarea. And their son, St. Gregory of Nyssa.
I have prayed to the Theotokos, St. Nicholas, and at times to St. Xenia of St. Petersburg.
Crossing them off my list then... 

;D
Ugh.
+++huggs+++ ;D
 

Hiwot

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vamrat said:
Cognomen said:
vamrat said:
witega said:
ironchapman said:
BTW, who is the Saint (or Saints) for single people who are seeking a relationship (or however I should put it)?
I don't know if there's an 'official' answer, but a good place to start might be St. Basil the Elder and his wife St. Emmilia of Caesarea. And their son, St. Gregory of Nyssa.
I have prayed to the Theotokos, St. Nicholas, and at times to St. Xenia of St. Petersburg.
Crossing them off my list then...  

;D
Ugh.

EDIT - Let's not blame the Saints for my numerous failures!    :police:
Its all perspective, you see, the  would have been disaster you have avoided is because of them. in that sense you have not failed but remain a success.When you meet the right person it will be clearer to you then that how much you need to be thankful for avoiding all those would have been failures... so .... perserver in your prayers to them.  :)
 

vamrat

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Hiwot said:
vamrat said:
Cognomen said:
vamrat said:
witega said:
ironchapman said:
BTW, who is the Saint (or Saints) for single people who are seeking a relationship (or however I should put it)?
I don't know if there's an 'official' answer, but a good place to start might be St. Basil the Elder and his wife St. Emmilia of Caesarea. And their son, St. Gregory of Nyssa.
I have prayed to the Theotokos, St. Nicholas, and at times to St. Xenia of St. Petersburg.
Crossing them off my list then...  

;D
Ugh.

EDIT - Let's not blame the Saints for my numerous failures!    :police:
Its all perspective, you see, the  would have been disaster you have avoided is because of them. in that sense you have not failed but remain a success.When you meet the right person it will be clearer to you then that how much you need to be thankful for avoiding all those would have been failures... so .... perserver in your prayers to them.   :)
That's why I don't loose faith in prayer.  God has pulled my rear out of the fire enough times and if we are only going to get one boon, that's a good one to have!  (Honestly, God has blessed me plenty, it's just the areas that are lacking that are always the most noticeable!)
 

Hiwot

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vamrat said:
Hiwot said:
vamrat said:
Cognomen said:
vamrat said:
witega said:
ironchapman said:
BTW, who is the Saint (or Saints) for single people who are seeking a relationship (or however I should put it)?
I don't know if there's an 'official' answer, but a good place to start might be St. Basil the Elder and his wife St. Emmilia of Caesarea. And their son, St. Gregory of Nyssa.
I have prayed to the Theotokos, St. Nicholas, and at times to St. Xenia of St. Petersburg.
Crossing them off my list then...  

;D
Ugh.

EDIT - Let's not blame the Saints for my numerous failures!    :police:
Its all perspective, you see, the  would have been disaster you have avoided is because of them. in that sense you have not failed but remain a success.When you meet the right person it will be clearer to you then that how much you need to be thankful for avoiding all those would have been failures... so .... perserver in your prayers to them.   :)
That's why I don't loose faith in prayer.  God has pulled my rear out of the fire enough times and if we are only going to get one boon, that's a good one to have!  (Honestly, God has blessed me plenty, it's just the areas that are lacking that are always the most noticeable!)
I hear you! sometimes we need to be saved from ourselves. I too have been saved in that manner plenty of times. the world is crowded with what is fake,more than what is real and holy.  I believe that if a person  wants what is true in every sense of the term, then it takes a all the faithful commitment to that end that you can make. even at the risk of never finding it in the manner we wanted, we still can say, I will seek what God will be glorified in, what is holy and true,without God I want nothing, Thy will be done! settling for less will cause everyone unnecessary pain, and fails to fulfil the purpose of the christian marriage... to grow in holiness together. So what is the point of knowingly erring in such gigantic proportions, with such serious consequences?

No matter what the world may say, how much pressure to conform is put upon the person. The Christian has one ultimate purpose and can not deviate from it and still be a disciple. it is that serious. so trust God,do your part in all things that are yours to do, and he will do what is his to do. the feeding of the birds is his job, the flying to where the food is , is their job. the raising of Lazarus from the dead was his job, the removing of the stone was their job. so there is always cooperation with grace in all things.

May the Peace of the Lord be with us! :)
 

Hiwot

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OK so Anastasia, I have been thinking about what you said, and I can not comment on it with out knowing certain elements, which I am not going to ask anyway. however , I thought listening to this video might give you one or two helpful ideas about Christian dating and its purpose. you may or may not agree with all that the abuna have to say about it, but it might still be helpful in some way. God bless you.

Purpose of Christian Dating Part 1 : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp8ZWFbu-fM

Purpose of Christian Dating part 2 :  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBmprQKq2mE&feature=relmfu
 

vamrat

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One tip for y'all...I've always been of the retarded opinion that you shouldn't compliment  woman on her looks right away.  I figured it would make you seem shallow and such.  You should compliment her one something else.  Perhaps an shared interest or on her intelligence or personality.  WRONG.  Wrong.  Compliment her on her looks.  Over the last few days I've found that if you compliment her on how she looks she will respond positively.    I mean, seriously.  Every single one.

Also, if you are talking to her online don't type to her while you are drunk.  I haven't done this yet but it doesn't seems like a good idea.

Peace, ninjas.
 

Punch

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vamrat said:
One tip for y'all...I've always been of the retarded opinion that you shouldn't compliment  woman on her looks right away.  I figured it would make you seem shallow and such.  You should compliment her one something else.  Perhaps an shared interest or on her intelligence or personality.  WRONG.  Wrong.  Compliment her on her looks.  Over the last few days I've found that if you compliment her on how she looks she will respond positively.    I mean, seriously.  Every single one.

Also, if you are talking to her online don't type to her while you are drunk.  I haven't done this yet but it doesn't seems like a good idea.

Peace, ninjas.
And never tell them that they look like the South end of a mule heading North.  Of course, that usually happens when one is typing drunk.
 

vamrat

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vamrat said:
One tip for y'all...I've always been of the retarded opinion that you shouldn't compliment  woman on her looks right away.  I figured it would make you seem shallow and such.  You should compliment her one something else.  Perhaps an shared interest or on her intelligence or personality.  WRONG.  Wrong.  Compliment her on her looks.  Over the last few days I've found that if you compliment her on how she looks she will respond positively.    I mean, seriously.  Every single one.

Also, if you are talking to her online don't type to her while you are drunk.  I haven't done this yet but it doesn't seems like a good idea.

Peace, ninjas.
Also, don't type ANYTHING while you have a bit of rum in you.  Horrible spelling and grammatical errors may ensue. 

[hangs head in shame]
 

ZealousZeal

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Punch said:
vamrat said:
One tip for y'all...I've always been of the retarded opinion that you shouldn't compliment  woman on her looks right away.  I figured it would make you seem shallow and such.  You should compliment her one something else.  Perhaps an shared interest or on her intelligence or personality.  WRONG.  Wrong.  Compliment her on her looks.  Over the last few days I've found that if you compliment her on how she looks she will respond positively.    I mean, seriously.  Every single one.

Also, if you are talking to her online don't type to her while you are drunk.  I haven't done this yet but it doesn't seems like a good idea.

Peace, ninjas.
And never tell them that they look like the South end of a mule heading North.  Of course, that usually happens when one is typing drunk.
Ha!  :D :D :D
 

Asteriktos

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JamesR said:
I could use some advice
1) Never get involved in a land war in asia
2) Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line
 

vamrat

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ZealousZeal said:
Asteriktos said:
JamesR said:
I could use some advice
1) Never get involved in a land war in asia
2) Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line
Unless you're Genghis Kahn.
He doesn't count.  The "no land wars in Asia" is a rule for white people to heed.  The Asians tend to do pretty well in their own wars...well, at least one side does.


What advice are you looking for, James?  If you are in need of dating tips I will share you the wealth of my experience.  Then, if you do the opposite, your chances for success will be assured!


BTW, I have a date tonight.
Chances of getting stood up: Fair
Chances of getting a third date with her: Vague (will know more later)
Chances of me feeling nervous: Certain

God have mercy!
 

Adela

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vamrat said:
ZealousZeal said:
Asteriktos said:
JamesR said:
I could use some advice
1) Never get involved in a land war in asia
2) Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line
Unless you're Genghis Kahn.
He doesn't count.  The "no land wars in Asia" is a rule for white people to heed.  The Asians tend to do pretty well in their own wars...well, at least one side does.


What advice are you looking for, James?  If you are in need of dating tips I will share you the wealth of my experience.  Then, if you do the opposite, your chances for success will be assured!


BTW, I have a date tonight.
Chances of getting stood up: Fair
Chances of getting a third date with her: Vague (will know more later)
Chances of me feeling nervous: Certain

God have mercy!
Vamrat,
 Good luck on your date tonight!  Don't be nervous, just remember that for every "bad" date you go on, you are one date closer to finding your true love!   It took me a while to find the right person, and I went on a lot of dates and I wonder now why I was so nervous.  Some were quite strange, such as this guy who worked with a friend, on the way out to a party he felt the need to stop of at KMart to look at men's underwear.  ???  So as long as you don't take her to the underwear section of Walmart, you have nothing to feel nervous about!

:)
 

Achronos

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It is an education process for me as I learn about the psychology of spiritual apostasy. And others get the benefit of perhaps hearing righteousness for the first time.
I love you, vamrat.

Please tell us all about your date tonight, good luck!
 

dzheremi

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Adela said:
Some were quite strange, such as this guy who worked with a friend, on the way out to a party he felt the need to stop of at KMart to look at men's underwear.  ???  So as long as you don't take her to the underwear section of Walmart, you have nothing to feel nervous about!

:)
Sometimes you really have to wonder... :-\

 

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Adela said:
Don't be nervous, just remember that for every "bad" date you go on, you are one date closer to finding your true love!  
When I finally took the attitude, "If this doesn't work out, I'll still be okay," things started working out.
 

vamrat

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Big Chris said:
Adela said:
Don't be nervous, just remember that for every "bad" date you go on, you are one date closer to finding your true love!  
When I finally took the attitude, "If this doesn't work out, I'll still be okay," things started working out.
I kind have gotten to that attitude as it is.  I honestly wasn't even expecting a call back from her when I got a text this morning on the way into work.  IDK.  Thanks for all the kind words.  Achronos and Adela as well.  I'll let you know how it crashes and burns turns out!

(BTW, my sig is unattributed, but comes from that second greatest OC.net philosopher - amartin.)
 

Punch

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Achronos said:
It is an education process for me as I learn about the psychology of spiritual apostasy. And others get the benefit of perhaps hearing righteousness for the first time.
I love you, vamrat.

Please tell us all about your date tonight, good luck!
I was sad to hear that the quote did not come from an Inquisitor.
 

vamrat

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Achronos said:
vamrat said:
Achronos said:
vamrat said:
(BTW, my sig is unattributed, but comes from that second greatest OC.net philosopher - amartin.)
Do I dare ask who is the first?
Three guesses!
1. pasadi
2. Dattaswami
3. ? Mystery guess
If you search through my previous posting, at least once in my life I stated that I wished I was this person.
 

J Michael

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vamrat said:
Achronos said:
vamrat said:
Achronos said:
vamrat said:
(BTW, my sig is unattributed, but comes from that second greatest OC.net philosopher - amartin.)
Do I dare ask who is the first?
Three guesses!
1. pasadi
2. Dattaswami
3. ? Mystery guess
If you search through my previous posting, at least once in my life I stated that I wished I was this person.
Amartin?
 

JamesR

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Well the thing I need advice with is how to get over someone. Like two years ago, there was this one girl that I absolutely loved. She was like my best friend and we both had romantic feelings for each other. We would literally talk to each other 24/7, spend as much time together as we could and when we could not be together we would be on the phone all of the time or text messaging each other. We knew everything about each other; our deepest fears, embarassing things, ambitions etc. No one knew me better than she did and no one knew her better than I did. But, for some reason I cannot remember, we got into a bad fight, and so, we stopped talking to each other for like a year. But then after that year went by, we finally started talking again and saw each other a couple times. But, now it feels like we are absolute strangers. That special bond we had is entirely gone and destroyed; it is like we've separated into two absolutely different people like strangers that can barely hold a conversation with each other now. Oftentimes I find myself scolding myself for allowing us to have that fight and screwing this all up.
 

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vamrat said:
If you search through my previous posting, at least once in my life I stated that I wished I was this person.
Perhaps...

vamrat said:
For the record, I hope to someday reincarnate as orthonorm.
...?
 

vamrat

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Asteriktos said:
vamrat said:
If you search through my previous posting, at least once in my life I stated that I wished I was this person.
Perhaps...

vamrat said:
For the record, I hope to someday reincarnate as orthonorm.
...?
Ding ding ding ding!

Your prize is that I will change my avatar to which ever Irish Saint that starts with a 'P' and has a feast day in March that you would like, and I will donate $10 to the terrorist organization of your choosing...(not really)!
 

Asteriktos

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vamrat said:
Ding ding ding ding!

Your prize is that I will change my avatar to which ever Irish Saint that starts with a 'P' and has a feast day in March that you would like, and I will donate $10 to the terrorist organization of your choosing...(not really)!
I tried to find a Saint that matched those criteria, other than St. Patrick, but came up empty :( I really wanted that prize!  :p  (some came close though, like St. Piran, who was maybe from Ireland, and maybe has a feast day in March, but I'm not sure if he is glorified by any Orthodox; another one was St. Psalmodius, who was from Ireland and also possibly has a feast day in March, and again I'm not sure if the Orthodox glorify him).
 

vamrat

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JamesR said:
Well the thing I need advice with is how to get over someone. Like two years ago, there was this one girl that I absolutely loved. She was like my best friend and we both had romantic feelings for each other. We would literally talk to each other 24/7, spend as much time together as we could and when we could not be together we would be on the phone all of the time or text messaging each other. We knew everything about each other; our deepest fears, embarassing things, ambitions etc. No one knew me better than she did and no one knew her better than I did. But, for some reason I cannot remember, we got into a bad fight, and so, we stopped talking to each other for like a year. But then after that year went by, we finally started talking again and saw each other a couple times. But, now it feels like we are absolute strangers. That special bond we had is entirely gone and destroyed; it is like we've separated into two absolutely different people like strangers that can barely hold a conversation with each other now. Oftentimes I find myself scolding myself for allowing us to have that fight and screwing this all up.
Actually, this IS something I have a lot of experience with and have sound advice for.  Unfortunately, all the advice for this sucks.  That's just the breaks.

Strong emotional attachments trigger pleasure centers in your brain and release chemicals.  The closer you are to having gone through puberty the stronger these chemicals will be.  There is one surefire cure for this...time.  Sorry bro, but time is the only cure.  If I calculate correctly this happened when you were 14.  The first girl ever to shoot me down was when I was 15.  That hurt horribly for months and I would have the pain resurface YEARS after the fact.  But it will go away.  12 years and 30 days have passed since then (yeah, I know it's pathetic that I know that...) and I honestly can tell you I feel nothing.  Actually, I probably haven't felt the pain from this particular instance in seven or eight years, but you get my point.  This girl of yours will probably never be forgotten, nor will the pain be forgotten, but there will come a point where you WILL NOT feel the pain anymore.

As for future occurrences, you probably have a good number of them ahead of you.  Two things make the pain lessen each time.  First is age.  As you get older the chemicals become weaker.  The hormones die down.  I still get depressed but it is a bit less painful each time, and none of the recent rejections have felt as bad for as long as that first girl.  Second - experience.  The more times you get hurt by a girl the more you get deadened to it.  You will emotionally invest less and less quickly and rejections will soften in their effect.

So keep your chin up.  Life will always suck, but you will get used to it and won't let it affect you!


(BTW, none of this will probably do you any good, but that's how it goes.  Plenty of people gave me this info when I was your age and it didn't help a damn bit.  But now being older, I am thankful that I received the advice, so now I am paying them back through you, and in eleven years I expect you to do the same!   ;))
 

vamrat

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Asteriktos said:
vamrat said:
Ding ding ding ding!

Your prize is that I will change my avatar to which ever Irish Saint that starts with a 'P' and has a feast day in March that you would like, and I will donate $10 to the terrorist organization of your choosing...(not really)!
I tried to find a Saint that matched those criteria, other than St. Patrick, but came up empty :( I really wanted that prize!  :p  (some came close though, like St. Piran, who was maybe from Ireland, and maybe has a feast day in March, but I'm not sure if he is glorified by any Orthodox; another one was St. Psalmodius, who was from Ireland and also possibly has a feast day in March, and again I'm not sure if the Orthodox glorify him).
You want me to change my avatar to St. Patrick?  Fair enough.  It's a bit overdone now, seeing as like four or five other people all have the same avatar, but oh well.  It's the rules of the game!

[Avatar changed.]
 

J Michael

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neon_knights said:
I could use some advice. How does one attract a woman?
Pheromones.


+ good looks (whatever *that* means), intelligence, wit, wisdom, gracefulness, lots of $$, fast muscle cars ( ::)), humility (but not *too* much), pride (but not *too* much), not farting in public (at least not when you're with or near a woman you want to attract), a willingness to watch "chick flicks"....need I go on?
 
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