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Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column

vamrat

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How much money do you have in your bank account?
 

ironchapman

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vamrat said:
How much money do you have in your bank account?
Lol, me have money. I don't even have a job (well, I will in the Fall as a grad assistant--but that's peanuts)
 

vamrat

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ironchapman said:
vamrat said:
How much money do you have in your bank account?
Lol, me have money. I don't even have a job (well, I will in the Fall as a grad assistant--but that's peanuts)
If you go to a convenience store, you can theoretically rob them just by saying you have a gun.  It should be enough for a couple good dates.  Wear a mask.
 

Volnutt

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Is it a good idea to ask out a girl who, previously in a class setting, has expressed that she's not sure if she wants a relationship in her life? I don't want to wind up damaging our friendship as has happened with other girls before.
 

witega

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Volnutt said:
Is it a good idea to ask out a girl who, previously in a class setting, has expressed that she's not sure if she wants a relationship in her life? I don't want to wind up damaging our friendship as has happened with other girls before.
What anyone expresses in a class setting is not indicative of how they will behave or react in real life. Ask away.
 
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Volnutt said:
Is it a good idea to ask out a girl who, previously in a class setting, has expressed that she's not sure if she wants a relationship in her life? I don't want to wind up damaging our friendship as has happened with other girls before.
Might sound brutal and a bit chauvenistic but, if you are prone to friend-zoning, I'm sure you have more than enough female friends and too few girlfriends.

I am not one of those who expects you to form amorous intentions the moment you meet a girl, but once you have realised that you would like to take the relationship to another level, you owe it to yourself to give that an attempt.

My brief two cents.
 

Volnutt

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witega said:
Volnutt said:
Is it a good idea to ask out a girl who, previously in a class setting, has expressed that she's not sure if she wants a relationship in her life? I don't want to wind up damaging our friendship as has happened with other girls before.
What anyone expresses in a class setting is not indicative of how they will behave or react in real life. Ask away.
Tis true, but with this girl I'm inclined to take it more seriously as she's a bit of a shrinking violet who doesn't have a lot of friends other than me.
 

Volnutt

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akimori makoto said:
Volnutt said:
Is it a good idea to ask out a girl who, previously in a class setting, has expressed that she's not sure if she wants a relationship in her life? I don't want to wind up damaging our friendship as has happened with other girls before.
Might sound brutal and a bit chauvenistic but, if you are prone to friend-zoning, I'm sure you have more than enough female friends and too few girlfriends.

I am not one of those who expects you to form amorous intentions the moment you meet a girl, but once you have realised that you would like to take the relationship to another level, you owe it to yourself to give that an attempt.

My brief two cents.
I agree that I need to be proactive, but as I said in my last post, I really don't want to risk hurting this girl.
 

vamrat

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akimori makoto said:
Volnutt said:
Is it a good idea to ask out a girl who, previously in a class setting, has expressed that she's not sure if she wants a relationship in her life? I don't want to wind up damaging our friendship as has happened with other girls before.
Might sound brutal and a bit chauvenistic but, if you are prone to friend-zoning, I'm sure you have more than enough female friends and too few girlfriends.

I am not one of those who expects you to form amorous intentions the moment you meet a girl, but once you have realised that you would like to take the relationship to another level, you owe it to yourself to give that an attempt.

My brief two cents.
Women have friends.  They have boyfriends and they have girlfriends.  Unless you are with them, you're their girlfriend.
 

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How would it hurt her to ask her out? You're thinking too much. Just do it and get it over with, and deal with whatever consequences when they actually happen.
 

Volnutt

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dzheremi said:
How would it hurt her to ask her out?
I disagree. Every time in the past that I've asked a girl out, it's been weird between us ever since. It's like trying to be friends with your Ex (though obviously not with the same emotional baggage). Yes, you can be amicable but there will always be that elephant in the room, things will never be like they were if you hadn't ever gone there.
 

Volnutt

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vamrat said:
akimori makoto said:
Volnutt said:
Is it a good idea to ask out a girl who, previously in a class setting, has expressed that she's not sure if she wants a relationship in her life? I don't want to wind up damaging our friendship as has happened with other girls before.
Might sound brutal and a bit chauvenistic but, if you are prone to friend-zoning, I'm sure you have more than enough female friends and too few girlfriends.

I am not one of those who expects you to form amorous intentions the moment you meet a girl, but once you have realised that you would like to take the relationship to another level, you owe it to yourself to give that an attempt.

My brief two cents.
Women have friends.  They have boyfriends and they have girlfriends.  Unless you are with them, you're their girlfriend.
I can live with that. God knows I have no testosterone to speak of anyway.
 

vamrat

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Volnutt said:
vamrat said:
akimori makoto said:
Volnutt said:
Is it a good idea to ask out a girl who, previously in a class setting, has expressed that she's not sure if she wants a relationship in her life? I don't want to wind up damaging our friendship as has happened with other girls before.
Might sound brutal and a bit chauvenistic but, if you are prone to friend-zoning, I'm sure you have more than enough female friends and too few girlfriends.

I am not one of those who expects you to form amorous intentions the moment you meet a girl, but once you have realised that you would like to take the relationship to another level, you owe it to yourself to give that an attempt.

My brief two cents.
Women have friends.  They have boyfriends and they have girlfriends.  Unless you are with them, you're their girlfriend.
I can live with that. God knows I have no testosterone to speak of anyway.
Then lift weights. 

Your sacred mission is to ask this girl out.

Steel yourself first.  Find three random broad sand ask them out first.  Build up your immunity to rejection.  If you cry after the third one, or feel any hurt at all, ask out three more.

Then ask this broad out for coffee.
 

dzheremi

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Volnutt said:
dzheremi said:
How would it hurt her to ask her out?
I disagree. Every time in the past that I've asked a girl out, it's been weird between us ever since. It's like trying to be friends with your Ex (though obviously not with the same emotional baggage). Yes, you can be amicable but there will always be that elephant in the room, things will never be like they were if you hadn't ever gone there.
Yeah, I get that, but that doesn't sound like it's really about her feelings or whatever. It sounds like you don't want to risk things being awkward if she says no. It's understandable, but that's the risk you have to take on to actually have a chance of dating her. She's not just going to know that you want that if you never say anything. So you have to weigh the definite friendship against the potential relationship, and then act accordingly.
 

Volnutt

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dzheremi said:
Volnutt said:
dzheremi said:
How would it hurt her to ask her out?
I disagree. Every time in the past that I've asked a girl out, it's been weird between us ever since. It's like trying to be friends with your Ex (though obviously not with the same emotional baggage). Yes, you can be amicable but there will always be that elephant in the room, things will never be like they were if you hadn't ever gone there.
Yeah, I get that, but that doesn't sound like it's really about her feelings or whatever. It sounds like you don't want to risk things being awkward if she says no. It's understandable, but that's the risk you have to take on to actually have a chance of dating her. She's not just going to know that you want that if you never say anything. So you have to weigh the definite friendship against the potential relationship, and then act accordingly.
If it sounded like that then I misexpressed myself. I don't want to hurt her most of all. Partially because she's socially awkward and doesn't have hardly any friends. I can tell she really appreciates me hanging around her and I really don't want to ruin that.
 

Opus118

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Volnutt said:
Tis true, but with this girl I'm inclined to take it more seriously as she's a bit of a shrinking violet who doesn't have a lot of friends other than me.
Volnutt said:
I agree that I need to be proactive, but as I said in my last post, I really don't want to risk hurting this girl.
Volnutt said:
I disagree. Every time in the past that I've asked a girl out, it's been weird between us ever since. It's like trying to be friends with your Ex (though obviously not with the same emotional baggage). Yes, you can be amicable but there will always be that elephant in the room, things will never be like they were if you hadn't ever gone there.
Volnutt said:
If it sounded like that then I misexpressed myself. I don't want to hurt her most of all. Partially because she's socially awkward and doesn't have hardly any friends. I can tell she really appreciates me hanging around her and I really don't want to ruin that.
Volnutt, shrinking violet types can have issues but not necessarily. I do not know the statistics on this matter. If they do not have issues, they can provide lifelong joy in your life that no one else will (depending on your own personality).

My only recommendation if you have not been taught, is to get a book on being a gentleman and make it a part of you for the rest of your life.  Do not have expectations, just ask her out to spend some time to interact with each other, nothing more. If she declines, continue to be the gentleman that you are and ask her again a couple of weeks later, etc. If she is worth it, this is what courting is all about.  If she is really really worth it, a few years to get the first date is a few years well spent.

 

Asteriktos

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Volnutt said:
I can tell she really appreciates me hanging around her and I really don't want to ruin that.
It'll all work out in the end  :police:
 

Volnutt

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Opus118 said:
Volnutt, shrinking violet types can have issues but not necessarily. I do not know the statistics on this matter. If they do not have issues, they can provide lifelong joy in your life that no one else will (depending on your own personality).

My only recommendation if you have not been taught, is to get a book on being a gentleman and make it a part of you for the rest of your life.  Do not have expectations, just ask her out to spend some time to interact with each other, nothing more. If she declines, continue to be the gentleman that you are and ask her again a couple of weeks later, etc. If she is worth it, this is what courting is all about.  If she is really really worth it, a few years to get the first date is a few years well spent.
I try to be polite at all times, yes. Thank you for the advice.
 

Volnutt

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Asteriktos said:
Volnutt said:
I can tell she really appreciates me hanging around her and I really don't want to ruin that.
It'll all work out in the end  :police:
True. I guess I worry too much about people. Thanks.
 

Punch

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Volnutt said:
dzheremi said:
How would it hurt her to ask her out?
I disagree. Every time in the past that I've asked a girl out, it's been weird between us ever since. It's like trying to be friends with your Ex (though obviously not with the same emotional baggage). Yes, you can be amicable but there will always be that elephant in the room, things will never be like they were if you hadn't ever gone there.
Well, then don't visually undress her when you ask her out.  I can see no possible harm in asking her if she would like to go out to lunch or dinner with you.  You could even let her know that you would just like to talk with her in an environment other than the current setting.  A "date" does not really have to be more than that.  And this is true even if you are just a male "girlfriend" to her, for now.  Perhaps as you get to know each other better, your friendship will deepen.  Perhaps even into love.  But nothing will happen unless you ask.
 

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Punch said:
Volnutt said:
dzheremi said:
How would it hurt her to ask her out?
I disagree. Every time in the past that I've asked a girl out, it's been weird between us ever since. It's like trying to be friends with your Ex (though obviously not with the same emotional baggage). Yes, you can be amicable but there will always be that elephant in the room, things will never be like they were if you hadn't ever gone there.
Well, then don't visually undress her when you ask her out.  I can see no possible harm in asking her if she would like to go out to lunch or dinner with you.  You could even let her know that you would just like to talk with her in an environment other than the current setting.  A "date" does not really have to be more than that.  And this is true even if you are just a male "girlfriend" to her, for now.  Perhaps as you get to know each other better, your friendship will deepen.  Perhaps even into love.  But nothing will happen unless you ask.
Definately ask her out!  If your goal is to find a girlfriend and a spouse,  you need to ask her out and find out if it is possible to move your relationship to a more fulfilling level.  You don't want to just be in her life until she finds someone else.  The sooner you know, the sooner you can get on with finding the right person for yourself. 
 

vamrat

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Eventually I am going to replace this thread with a new one entitled "Vamrat's Dating Disasters".  It will be a 'how not to' date.

I honestly don't think I did anything wrong game-wise, just another 'Christian' girl with a princess complex.  The bar sluts I hung out with later on that night had much more going for them...and I'm not even getting into looks, just personality. 
 

Asteriktos

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Bill: "Women, can't live with them... . ."
Dave: "... can't live without them?"
Bill: "I don't know about that part"

I keed, I keed. There's a woman out there for you, hand picked by God, just you wait and see!*

:police:


*I don't really believe that, but hey, there might be one out there for you, so why not stay optimistic? :)
 

montalo

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Punch said:
Volnutt said:
dzheremi said:
How would it hurt her to ask her out?
I disagree. Every time in the past that I've asked a girl out, it's been weird between us ever since. It's like trying to be friends with your Ex (though obviously not with the same emotional baggage). Yes, you can be amicable but there will always be that elephant in the room, things will never be like they were if you hadn't ever gone there.
Well, then don't visually undress her when you ask her out.  I can see no possible harm in asking her if she would like to go out to lunch or dinner with you.  You could even let her know that you would just like to talk with her in an environment other than the current setting.  A "date" does not really have to be more than that.  And this is true even if you are just a male "girlfriend" to her, for now.  Perhaps as you get to know each other better, your friendship will deepen.  Perhaps even into love.  But nothing will happen unless you ask.
this is kinda how me and my gf started.


we hung out, because best friends, then we ended up in this "male girlfriend" stage thingy, then it ended up with her asking me out, and us offically dating. just take months. and by months, i mean takr your time.
 

Achronos

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vamrat said:
Eventually I am going to replace this thread with a new one entitled "Vamrat's Dating Disasters".  It will be a 'how not to' date.

I honestly don't think I did anything wrong game-wise, just another 'Christian' girl with a princess complex.  The bar sluts I hung out with later on that night had much more going for them...and I'm not even getting into looks, just personality.  
Dude please make that thread.

I have a novel I'm ready to post on my engagment disaster.
 

Apples

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Achronos said:
vamrat said:
Eventually I am going to replace this thread with a new one entitled "Vamrat's Dating Disasters".  It will be a 'how not to' date.

I honestly don't think I did anything wrong game-wise, just another 'Christian' girl with a princess complex.  The bar sluts I hung out with later on that night had much more going for them...and I'm not even getting into looks, just personality.  
Dude please make that thread.

I have a novel I'm ready to post on my engagment disaster.
No desire to make light of your situation, but your life would be a perfect soap opera.
 

Achronos

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LOL

Oh man if you think my personal life is a complete mess, you should have seen me I think 3 years ago. I was completely head over heels for Satan herself.
 

vamrat

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Asteriktos said:
Bill: "Women, can't live with them... . ."
Dave: "... can't live without them?"
Bill: "I don't know about that part"

I keed, I keed. There's a woman out there for you, hand picked by God, just you wait and see!*

:police:


*I don't really believe that, but hey, there might be one out there for you, so why not stay optimistic? :)
Women - Can't live with them...Illegal to shoot them!  I can't remember who said that, but I lolled.


I don't think God has that "Special Someone" (TM) out there for anyone.  He has dozens, if not hundreds.  You just have to have humility, contentedness, and discernment in choosing one of them.  Every Christian girl I have dated was looking for prince charming and they themselves had neither humility nor contentment.  Oh well.  I have a lot more self improvement to do and there are lots of nice unChristian women out there to keep me happy until Princess Charming falls out from the heavens for me.
 

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TheMathematician said:
Punch said:
Volnutt said:
dzheremi said:
How would it hurt her to ask her out?
I disagree. Every time in the past that I've asked a girl out, it's been weird between us ever since. It's like trying to be friends with your Ex (though obviously not with the same emotional baggage). Yes, you can be amicable but there will always be that elephant in the room, things will never be like they were if you hadn't ever gone there.
Well, then don't visually undress her when you ask her out.  I can see no possible harm in asking her if she would like to go out to lunch or dinner with you.  You could even let her know that you would just like to talk with her in an environment other than the current setting.  A "date" does not really have to be more than that.  And this is true even if you are just a male "girlfriend" to her, for now.  Perhaps as you get to know each other better, your friendship will deepen.  Perhaps even into love.  But nothing will happen unless you ask.
this is kinda how me and my gf started.


we hung out, because best friends, then we ended up in this "male girlfriend" stage thingy, then it ended up with her asking me out, and us offically dating. just take months. and by months, i mean takr your time.
Well, that gives me some hope. Thanks. :)
 

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Apparently, one of the guys at my church (who attended my old Methodist church as well, interestingly) saw a status I made on Facebook complaining about my lack of a girlfriend.

He approached me at the post-service potluck luncheon and said something close to "Jake, last I checked, hesychast monastics at monasteries in Russia don't watch anime."

Additionally, he said give it time, saying e didn't marry for the first time until he was 33 (unrelated, but my Dad was the same way, only he married at 35). Then, he recommended I join a big parish (such as the major one in a large city--the Greek cathedral in Atlanta, for example) and go "baitcasting"--as he put it.
 

vamrat

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Been a while since anyone has posted here so let me reinvigorate this thread with something I found on a dating site profile:

honestly the last three years of my marriage have been ok but my husband has cancer and doesnt seem interested in me no more and i think i deserve better
Religion: Christianity but not too serious about it

What a keeper!
 

Achronos

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Yeah that's not a red flag at all, a total keeper.

And I'm sure we are going to have to fight over winning her heart.
 

Achronos

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Hey girl you said you like to drink, took you to a brewery bar but you end up getting a Sprite.
 

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Urgent! If anyone here has ever coupled with a redheaded woman that was at least 6'2" tall would you please PM me asap?
 

Achronos

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Asteriktos said:
Urgent! If anyone here has ever coupled with a redheaded woman that was at least 6'2" tall would you please PM me asap?
That's too bad, knew one at 6'1".
 

Asteriktos

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If no one else contacts me in the next 3 minutes I might have to PM you!
 
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