Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column

[That person]

Have you ever seen any advertisement for a realtor named Michelle Caldwell? Because she's headmaster of my school, in Dayton.

As real estate agent for a headmistress? Lovely.

You would think a religious school would require the members of their staff to have a soul at a minimum.

She's also a deaconess at Trinity Anglican and a doctoral student. I suppose if I were contributing to the gentrification of Over the Rhine, I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway.

 

[ZealousZeal]

So I'm going to be in Cinci this weekend and our very own orthonorm has promised to take me out clubbing at all the hottest places and introduce me to the who's who of Ohio. I can't wait!

Gonna see the Steelers lose?

I'm gonna meet the who's who, the Bungles don't have anyone on the list!  Will be too busy for football anyway...

You will not be too far from that person and I.

Light years away.

It might as well be. Dayton is not exactly where the who's who of Ohio flock.

Dayton as much in common with Cincinnati as Akron does.

You don't belong here.

In Ohio?

Probably, but Cincinnati specifically was what I referring to.

IIRC, you are a non-NYC New York transplant to Dayton?

My condolences.

Ah. I wouldn't know, never having been to Cincinnati. Hopefully in a few weeks though, to watch the Giants beat the Bengals.

Yes, I am a non-NYC New York transplant to Dayton. It is kind of a bummer.

 

[JamesR]

What is more important to a woman? Your money or your looks?

 

[orthonorm]

What is more important to a woman? Your money or your looks?

Depends on the time line. After about a few minutes, your money.

But height trumps that.

Sorry Charlie.

Being short is worse than being a convicted felon.

 

[Cyrillic]

I am long. Wooohoo!  :laugh:

 

[orthonorm]

I am long. Wooohoo!  :laugh:

*ahem* Tall. *ahem*

Yes. Size matters.

 

[ZealousZeal]

I am long. Wooohoo!  :laugh:

ESL? 

 

[Cyrillic]

I am long. Wooohoo!  :laugh:

*ahem* Tall. *ahem*

Yes. Size matters.

I might be long too, if you know what I mean  

*ahem*

 

[Asteriktos]

I am long. Wooohoo!  :laugh:

*ahem* Tall. *ahem*

Yes. Size matters.

I might be long too, if you know what I mean 

*ahem*

No, what do you mean? Long... clavicles?

 

[Cyrillic]

I am long. Wooohoo!  :laugh:

*ahem* Tall. *ahem*

Yes. Size matters.

I might be long too, if you know what I mean 

*ahem*

No, what do you mean? Long... clavicles?

Shall I show you what I mean?  :-*

 

[Asteriktos]

I am long. Wooohoo!  :laugh:

*ahem* Tall. *ahem*

Yes. Size matters.

I might be long too, if you know what I mean 

*ahem*

No, what do you mean? Long... clavicles?

Shall I show it you what I mean?  :-*

Only if it's cut.  olice:

 

[orthonorm]

I am long. Wooohoo!  :laugh:

*ahem* Tall. *ahem*

Yes. Size matters.

I might be long too, if you know what I mean 

*ahem*

No, what do you mean? Long... clavicles?

Shall I show it you what I mean?  :-*

If you ain't ESL you are a native English speaking serial killer.

 

[orthonorm]

I am long. Wooohoo!  :laugh:

*ahem* Tall. *ahem*

Yes. Size matters.

I might be long too, if you know what I mean 

*ahem*

No, what do you mean? Long... clavicles?

Shall I show it you what I mean?  :-*

Only if it's cut.  olice:

European. Ain't beschnitten.

Got asked more than once in close quarter restrooms if I were Jewish.

 

[JamesR]

Does 'size' matter? Because that is the one area where I am not so short...

 

[orthonorm]

Does 'size' matter? Because that is the one area where I am not so short...

I covered this already.

I am long. Wooohoo!  :laugh:

*ahem* Tall. *ahem*

Yes. Size matters.

 

[Asteriktos]

Size usually matters more to men (=misplaced confidence) than women.

 

[Achronos]

I got this new hot receptionist lady at work, and she said she was Bi.

How much of a chance do I got?

Do I gotta rock the aviators? My blingin cross?

I make her laugh and plenty other mofos trying to get up on that.

 

[Asteriktos]

Find the two most attractive women in the office. You will pay them each $100. One will wait until the receptionist is within earshot and will then start raving to a coworker about your love making technique, and she will start sobbing over having lost you. The second person will go up to the receptionist later in the day and say these words:

"I heard you're interested in [Achronos]. Don't bother. He's way out of your league."

As soon as the girl leaves you will walk up to the receptionist and say:

"Hey, I saw so-and-so talking to you. She's a bit of a bully, I hope she didn't say anything mean?"

Then just turn on the charm and offer to take her out.

 

[Achronos]

So how do you effectively and sincerely compliment a woman, whether it be day one or day one hundred?

Since orthonorm is posting more actively, I'd love to hear the answer to this.

 

[Asteriktos]

If you are having problems putting my above advice into practice I can give you binders full of qualified women, just let me know!

 

[Achronos]

Well you would be my goto, trust me, more qualified than Romney.

 

[JamesR]

How do you get over your first (usually broken) love?

 

[orthonorm]

How do you get over your first (usually broken) love?

You don't. If people say they did, they were never in love.

All love is inherently broken.

 

[Achronos]

The king of love, Phil Collins, suggests that you never really “get completely over” having your heart broken. Still, people move on to happy, constructive relationships after serious heart-crushing. It’s not about erasing all the feelings you had for someone; it’s about living with them and being able to make room for others.

 

[Crucifer]

How do you get over your first (usually broken) love?

You don't. If people say they did, they were never in love.

All love is inherently broken.

That's deep, man. Do some 'shrooms today?

 

[Crucifer]

I got this new hot receptionist lady at work, and she said she was Bi.

How much of a chance do I got?

If she's bi, you've got about 50%.

 

[orthonorm]

How do you get over your first (usually broken) love?

You don't. If people say they did, they were never in love.

All love is inherently broken.

That's deep, man. Do some 'shrooms today?

Glad to see I effectively get my voice across.

Thought about a Shaneism. Decided to go the pseudo-guru route.

 

[Crucifer]

I think I still have a Neil Young 8-track somewhere.

 

[ZealousZeal]

I got this new hot receptionist lady at work, and she said she was Bi.

How much of a chance do I got?

If she's bi, you've got about 50%.

 

[montalo]

I got this new hot receptionist lady at work, and she said she was Bi.

How much of a chance do I got?

Do I gotta rock the aviators? My blingin cross?

I make her laugh and plenty other mofos trying to get up on that.

Your chance is whatever your chance would be normally, but if it does work out between you to, it will be one of the most fulfilling relationships you ever have, if not the most

 

[Achronos]

I got this new hot receptionist lady at work, and she said she was Bi.

How much of a chance do I got?

Do I gotta rock the aviators? My blingin cross?

I make her laugh and plenty other mofos trying to get up on that.

Your chance is whatever your chance would be normally, but if it does work out between you to, it will be one of the most fulfilling relationships you ever have, if not the most

lol I ain't thinking about relationships.

You feel me?

 

[dzheremi]

How do you get over your first (usually broken) love?

By having a second (third, fourth, etc.) one. It's like beer. You'll always remember your first one, but if you have enough after that, eventually it'll become a nice, albeit fuzzy, memory. ;D

(Full disclosure: I don't drink...anymore.)

 

[dzheremi]

I got this new hot receptionist lady at work, and she said she was Bi.

How much of a chance do I got?

If she's bi, you've got about 50%.

Ha! This thread is all about love, and I love this ^

 

[Opus118]

So I'm going to be in Cinci this weekend and our very own orthonorm has promised to take me out clubbing at all the hottest places and introduce me to the who's who of Ohio. I can't wait!

Me too!! I hope you will partake of 3-way, 4-way and 5-ways and report back. I am hoping to experiment in this regard before lent, since the parlors that cater to this sort of thing do not exist where I live.

 

[akimori makoto]

So I'm going to be in Cinci this weekend and our very own orthonorm has promised to take me out clubbing at all the hottest places and introduce me to the who's who of Ohio. I can't wait!

Me too!! I hope you will partake of 3-way, 4-way and 5-ways and report back. I am hoping to experiment in this regard before lent, since the parlors that cater to this sort of thing do not exist where I live.

Does this mean what I am understanding it to mean??

 

[orthonorm]

So I'm going to be in Cinci this weekend and our very own orthonorm has promised to take me out clubbing at all the hottest places and introduce me to the who's who of Ohio. I can't wait!

Me too!! I hope you will partake of 3-way, 4-way and 5-ways and report back. I am hoping to experiment in this regard before lent, since the parlors that cater to this sort of thing do not exist where I live.

Does this mean what I am understanding it to mean??

Not in your most wild imaginations.

 

[Apples]

I got this new hot receptionist lady at work, and she said she was Bi.

How much of a chance do I got?

Do I gotta rock the aviators? My blingin cross?

I make her laugh and plenty other mofos trying to get up on that.

Your chance is whatever your chance would be normally, but if it does work out between you to, it will be one of the most fulfilling relationships you ever have, if not the most

lol I ain't thinking about relationships.

You feel me?

 

[Cyrillic]

-

 

[Crucifer]

Wise sages of OC.net, I require your advice once more.

What's the good time and circumstances to ask someone out?

When you have some privacy and are engaged in some activity you both enjoy (emphasizes you have things in common).

 

[dzheremi]

^ Good advice here. (And happy 2000 posts, Tallitot.)