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Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column

J Michael

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rebecca.ann said:
J Michael said:
rebecca.ann said:
Let me shake your hand, congrats, you now have a stalker.  :laugh:
What??  Orthonorm is stalking Asteriktos  :eek: :eek: :eek:??  Lord have mercy!!
I was talking about the lovely Sarah, wife of Buff Blake ;D
Make up artists can come up with some wicked disguises, ya know  ;D.
 

rebecca.ann

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J Michael said:
rebecca.ann said:
J Michael said:
rebecca.ann said:
Let me shake your hand, congrats, you now have a stalker.  :laugh:
What??  Orthonorm is stalking Asteriktos  :eek: :eek: :eek:??  Lord have mercy!!
I was talking about the lovely Sarah, wife of Buff Blake ;D

Make up artists can come up with some wicked disguises, ya know  ;D.
:eek:
 

Asteriktos

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Some women look good with a shaved head. I've not met one yet, but I'm sure of it. Pics or it didn't happen?
 

Apples

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Asteriktos said:
Some women look good with a shaved head. I've not met one yet, but I'm sure of it. Pics or it didn't happen?
Natalie Portman does, but she looks even better with hair.
 

Asteriktos

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Turn-offs in girls:
- No eyebrows. Overly-plucked eyebrows. Painted-on eyebrows.
- Overly-long fingernails.
- Earrings larger than half dollar.
- Redheads who change their hair to a different color.
- Girls who need glasses to see but refuse to wear them. Contacts usage allowed in special circumstances.
- Mustache and nose hairs.
- Too much makeup.
- Girls who wear socks indoors.
- Girls who shower alone. (Many people die in bathroom accidents. It's dangerous. Let me help.)

We may now proceed according to the plan...
 

Asteriktos

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William said:
Asteriktos said:
Some women look good with a shaved head. I've not met one yet, but I'm sure of it. Pics or it didn't happen?
Natalie Portman does, but she looks even better with hair.
Yeah, I was on google looking for someone, but that's really the only one I came up with. Well, maybe a couple others...





 

Cyrillic

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Asteriktos said:
Turn-offs in girls:
- No eyebrows. Overly-plucked eyebrows. Painted-on eyebrows.
- Overly-long fingernails.
- Earrings larger than half dollar.
- Redheads who change their hair to a different color.
- Girls who need glasses to see but refuse to wear them. Contacts usage allowed in special circumstances.
- Mustache and nose hairs.
- Too much makeup.
- Girls who wear socks indoors.
- Girls who shower alone. (Many people die in bathroom accidents. It's dangerous. Let me help.)

We may now proceed according to the plan...
Beggars can't be choosers.
 

Asteriktos

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I've not had to beg yet...  though I am open to that if... er, nevermind...
 

Hiwot

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Asteriktos said:
I've not had to beg yet...  though I am open to that if... er, nevermind...
You know what they say right ... Something along the lines of...Thou have not lived if thou have not begged ? 8)
 

Asteriktos

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I just returned from one of those speed dating things, and what a blast! I figured I'd let you all know about it, since it's too much info for facebook or twitter, and I need to inform people about the personal details of my life. Obviously I can't remember everything about everyone, but here's what I remember:

Caramela - This was the second girl I talked with. She was quite attractive, out of my league really. That actually made me less nervous though, cause I figured: well I have no shot, so just be yourself and treat it like you're just chatting with a friend or something. Apparently she just moved here from ABQ, which is why she was at the event. I think she said she was a doctoral student at Pitt. Or Carnegie Mellon? No, probably Pitt. Anyway, she was in Chemistry, so I said "I'm way out of my element here" and she laughed, which made me feel better, because as soon as I made the joke I had one of those feelings when you want to crawl under a rock. Anyway, that's what I remember about her.

Stacey - There were a few girls in between, and then Stacey. Not sure what her story was exactly as she seemed very cryptic. She kept checking her watch, so she must have had to go somewhere soon after the dating thing or something. Everything I asked her she would just reply with monosyllabic answers. "Yes... No... Whatever." I'm not even sure what went wrong. Finally our time was up and she went on to the next guy, who she seemed to not be as cryptic with, because she was giggling and flirting and whatnot. Strange bird.

Tara - Well next was Tara, and what a bunch of energy! She was asking me a hundred questions a minute: what school did I go to, what hood I grew up in, the why, the who what, the when and where and the how. Honestly, she kept asking till I was grabbing my hair and I'm tearing it out. I was certainly glad when that was over!

Monika - So one of the last girls was Monika. I think I might actually go out on a date with her. She had fiery red hair, big green eyes, glasses... in a word, everything a guy could want in a girl! So I got her number and I'm definitely going to ask her out, maybe this weekend. Hope things go well, cross your fingers for me! I will report back if I have any problems, though I don't think I will...
 

Asteriktos

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William said:
Asteriktos, are your stories true?
I don't recall ever admitting publically that they are not. What is truth, after all? It's in the eye of the beholder. For example, maybe Achronos would have fallen head over heels in love with Tara? Who knows. They both like Eminem--already something in common! Anyway, I simply tell the stories and ask for advice: it is up to you all to accept these things in good faith. Believe, William, believe!
 

TheTrisagion

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Monika - So one of the last girls was Monika. I think I might actually go out on a date with her. She had fiery red hair, big green eyes, glasses... in a word, everything a guy could want in a girl!
NO
 

Asteriktos

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TheTrisagion said:
Monika - So one of the last girls was Monika. I think I might actually go out on a date with her. She had fiery red hair, big green eyes, glasses... in a word, everything a guy could want in a girl!
NO
You are dead to me now.
 

Asteriktos

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TheTrisagion said:
Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
Monika - So one of the last girls was Monika. I think I might actually go out on a date with her. She had fiery red hair, big green eyes, glasses... in a word, everything a guy could want in a girl!
NO
You are dead to me now.
TheTrisagion wept.  :'(
Ok, you're not dead to me... I just can't let my dream die is all. I'll let you in on a little secret--but only on the condition that you tell no one. Deal? Ok then. I haven't dated a redhead since I was a teenager; it's been something like 19 years now, and I'm beginning to lose hope. 
 

TheTrisagion

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Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
Monika - So one of the last girls was Monika. I think I might actually go out on a date with her. She had fiery red hair, big green eyes, glasses... in a word, everything a guy could want in a girl!
NO
You are dead to me now.
TheTrisagion wept.  :'(
Ok, you're not dead to me... I just can't let my dream die is all. I'll let you in on a little secret--but only on the condition that you tell no one. Deal? Ok then. I haven't dated a redhead since I was a teenager; it's been something like 19 years now, and I'm beginning to lose hope. 
I have faith in you.  Go after your white whale.  When you find her, hogtie her, take her home and propose to her.  Most romantic kidnapping ever.
 

Opus118

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TheTrisagion said:
Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
Monika - So one of the last girls was Monika. I think I might actually go out on a date with her. She had fiery red hair, big green eyes, glasses... in a word, everything a guy could want in a girl!
NO
You are dead to me now.
TheTrisagion wept.  :'(
Ok, you're not dead to me... I just can't let my dream die is all. I'll let you in on a little secret--but only on the condition that you tell no one. Deal? Ok then. I haven't dated a redhead since I was a teenager; it's been something like 19 years now, and I'm beginning to lose hope. 
I have faith in you.  Go after your white whale.  When you find her, hogtie her, take her home and propose to her.  Most romantic kidnapping ever.
This is Icky

See the Lukewarmodox thread as to why this type of humor fails.

Asteriktos: Redheads who change there hair color is not only a turnoff, it spells trouble, although you may be able to handle it.

I also have a redhead in mind for you. Way smarter than me. About your age. English by birth. You  may have to move to Colorado where she is a professor..
 

vamrat

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Opus118 said:
TheTrisagion said:
I have faith in you.  Go after your white whale.  When you find her, hogtie her, take her home and propose to her.  Most romantic kidnapping ever.
This is Icky

See the Lukewarmodox thread as to why this type of humor fails.
Oh, come on!  If he wants a girl that could be described as a whale then that is his personal choice!
 

TheTrisagion

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Opus118 said:
TheTrisagion said:
Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
Monika - So one of the last girls was Monika. I think I might actually go out on a date with her. She had fiery red hair, big green eyes, glasses... in a word, everything a guy could want in a girl!
NO
You are dead to me now.
TheTrisagion wept.  :'(
Ok, you're not dead to me... I just can't let my dream die is all. I'll let you in on a little secret--but only on the condition that you tell no one. Deal? Ok then. I haven't dated a redhead since I was a teenager; it's been something like 19 years now, and I'm beginning to lose hope. 
I have faith in you.  Go after your white whale.  When you find her, hogtie her, take her home and propose to her.  Most romantic kidnapping ever.
This is Icky

See the Lukewarmodox thread as to why this type of humor fails.

Asteriktos: Redheads who change there hair color is not only a turnoff, it spells trouble, although you may be able to handle it.

I also have a redhead in mind for you. Way smarter than me. About your age. English by birth. You  may have to move to Colorado where she is a professor..
You may not like my particular style of humor, but I don't see how it has anything to do w/ the Luke Warmodox thread.  Two different kinds of humor.  :p
 

Opus118

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TheTrisagion said:
Opus118 said:
TheTrisagion said:
Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
Monika - So one of the last girls was Monika. I think I might actually go out on a date with her. She had fiery red hair, big green eyes, glasses... in a word, everything a guy could want in a girl!
NO
You are dead to me now.
TheTrisagion wept.  :'(
Ok, you're not dead to me... I just can't let my dream die is all. I'll let you in on a little secret--but only on the condition that you tell no one. Deal? Ok then. I haven't dated a redhead since I was a teenager; it's been something like 19 years now, and I'm beginning to lose hope. 
I have faith in you.  Go after your white whale.  When you find her, hogtie her, take her home and propose to her.  Most romantic kidnapping ever.
This is Icky

See the Lukewarmodox thread as to why this type of humor fails.

Asteriktos: Redheads who change there hair color is not only a turnoff, it spells trouble, although you may be able to handle it.

I also have a redhead in mind for you. Way smarter than me. About your age. English by birth. You  may have to move to Colorado where she is a professor..
You may not like my particular style of humor, but I don't see how it has anything to do w/ the Luke Warmodox thread.  Two different kinds of humor.  :p
Your too late. Vamrat already convinced me that I was wrong. And Asteriktos does like wrestling,  so trying to hogtie a whale might be a good way to see if they are compatible.
 

Asteriktos

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Opus118 said:
Asteriktos: Redheads who change there hair color is not only a turnoff, it spells trouble, although you may be able to handle it.

I also have a redhead in mind for you. Way smarter than me. About your age. English by birth. You  may have to move to Colorado where she is a professor..
Colorado? :( Well, at least there's hope...


EDIT--But you know what, I am going to call her and try to set something up. Er, I mean Monika, not the girl in CO :)
 

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Ok! Set up a date for this Friday. Going to go to the local art/café thing at 5, and then discuss where we want to go later once we meet.
 

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Oh no! Blake just called. He said he "knew about me and Sarah"!?  I was like "what are you talking about bro?" and he said "I hacked into her side of the computer and looked at her facebook messages, and I saw how you two were cheating together" and I was like "No way cuz, it's just a misunderstanding" and he got really mad and left. He lives like 2 hours away so I don't think he's gonna come here to confront me, but what do I do? Just when I meet Monika I have this Sarah thing happen. Just my luck! I'm going to call him in the morning and try to reason with him. I don't want anyone hurt!
 

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I think the stalker thing is solved. My other cousin Bobby Jo apparently knew all about what was going on and talked to Blake. Blake and Sarah had a long talk she said and they patched things up and are going to Reno tonight.
 

TheTrisagion

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You have a cousin named Bobbie Jo?  Things are more serious than I thought...
 

Asteriktos

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TheTrisagion said:
You have a cousin named Bobbie Jo?  Things are more serious than I thought...
What do you mean? Her mom was named Jo and dad was named Bob, and they couldn't pick out a name, so they went with Bobbie Jo. They also considered Joe Bob, but they thought naming a kid after their favorite film critic (Joe Bob Briggs) was a bit silly.
 

TheTrisagion

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Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
You have a cousin named Bobbie Jo?  Things are more serious than I thought...
What do you mean? Her mom was named Jo and dad was named Bob, and they couldn't pick out a name, so they went with Bobbie Jo. They also considered Joe Bob, but they thought naming a kid after their favorite film critic (Joe Bob Briggs) was a bit silly.
You aren't helping your case...  ;)
 

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Well anyway, tomorrow is the big night. After the art/café I am thinking about asking if she wants to go roller skating.
 

Asteriktos

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I did that OkCupid My Best Face thing. Basically you load pics to the site, they put one of your pics next to that of someone else, people vote, and then they tell you the results. According to them people who like my recent bearded/book pic the most include:

Dorks
Geeks
Liberals
Nerds
Girls 18-30

And people who disliked it include:

Stoners
Girls over 30

 

orthonorm

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Asteriktos said:
I did that OkCupid My Best Face thing. Basically you load pics to the site, they put one of your pics next to that of someone else, people vote, and then they tell you the results. According to them people who like my recent bearded/book pic the most include:

Dorks
Geeks
Liberals
Nerds
Girls 18-30

And people who disliked it include:

Stoners
Girls over 30

You are magic.
 

SolEX01

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At my last bar trivia session, one of my teammates identified an all-girl team of about 7 members who were losing badly.  They were all college aged girls and none of them was attractive enough for me.  I think I've hit the stage in my life where I can't possibly date a girl when I'm old enough to be her father.  I didn't know how to make conversation besides being tempted to suggest that they join our team (whose numbers would have swelled from 4 to 11).
 

orthonorm

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SolEX01 said:
At my last bar trivia session, one of my teammates identified an all-girl team of about 7 members who were getting blown out.  They were all college aged girls and none of them was attractive enough for me.  I think I've hit the stage in my life where I can't possibly date a girl when I'm old enough to be her father.  I didn't know how to make conversation besides being tempted to suggest that they join our team (whose numbers would have swelled from 4 to 11).
*, explain to Sol where he missed an opportunity for an awesome double entendre.
 

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orthonorm said:
SolEX01 said:
At my last bar trivia session, one of my teammates identified an all-girl team of about 7 members who were getting blown out losing badly.  They were all college aged girls and none of them was attractive enough for me.  I think I've hit the stage in my life where I can't possibly date a girl when I'm old enough to be her father.  I didn't know how to make conversation besides being tempted to suggest that they join our team (whose numbers would have swelled from 4 to 11).
*, explain to Sol where he missed an opportunity for an awesome double entendre.
Thanks to your overactive imagination, I think I corrected the questionable text.  :-[
 

orthonorm

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SolEX01 said:
orthonorm said:
SolEX01 said:
At my last bar trivia session, one of my teammates identified an all-girl team of about 7 members who were getting blown out losing badly.  They were all college aged girls and none of them was attractive enough for me.  I think I've hit the stage in my life where I can't possibly date a girl when I'm old enough to be her father.  I didn't know how to make conversation besides being tempted to suggest that they join our team (whose numbers would have swelled from 4 to 11).
*, explain to Sol where he missed an opportunity for an awesome double entendre.
Thanks to your overactive imagination, I think I corrected the questionable text.   :-[
No.

I was looking to include a double entendre. I am not sure if the redacted text would fit the definition of a double entendre.
 

mabsoota

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Asteriktos said:
I did that OkCupid My Best Face thing. Basically you load pics to the site, they put one of your pics next to that of someone else, people vote, and then they tell you the results. According to them people who like my recent bearded/book pic the most include:

Dorks
Geeks
Liberals
Nerds
Girls 18-30

And people who disliked it include:

Stoners
Girls over 30

i'm over 30 and i liked your picture...
:p
 

Apples

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How should you respond if you do something like hold a door open for a girl and she comments on how sweet she thinks that is?
 
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