Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column

vamrat

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IsmiLiora said:
Which is great, unless we happen to be crying at the moment.  :laugh:
If you had told me this about three years ago my life would have been much less complicated. 

For the record, guys, when the woman is crying she does not want rational solutions to her problems, she wants to vent.  If you are lucky and she called you whilst crying this is a good opportunity to keep up on personal hygiene, check the forum, or file your taxes.  Because all you really need to say is, "Yes...uh huh...I'm sorry".  Anything more and you are being "patronizing".  If she is actually there in person you can use the same words above, just you will need to appear focused.  If you are the reason she is crying...feign death.  It works 35% of the time.
 

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Irish_Melkite said:
I've read feminist literature by hard feminists.  The "equality" bit is a smokescreen.  The TRUE FACE of feminism is to destroy family life and dominate men.
REAL feminists appear more manly than most men, and so are only attractive to homosexuals.  "Feminism" should really be renamed "Feminomachism", as the movement does not exalt the unique natural gifts, blessings, and uniqueness of womanhood but rather seeks to obliterate womanhood and motherhood in favor of creating the new and improved feMAN for a new and improved universe that is without children, without parenting, without love, and without beauty.
 

Punch

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vamrat said:
IsmiLiora said:
Which is great, unless we happen to be crying at the moment.  :laugh:
If you had told me this about three years ago my life would have been much less complicated. 

For the record, guys, when the woman is crying she does not want rational solutions to her problems, she wants to vent she wants you to be miserable, too.
Fixed that for you.
 

Punch

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jah777 said:
Irish_Melkite said:
I've read feminist literature by hard feminists.  The "equality" bit is a smokescreen.  The TRUE FACE of feminism is to destroy family life and dominate men.
REAL feminists appear more manly than most men, and so are only attractive to homosexuals.  "Feminism" should really be renamed "Feminomachism", as the movement does not exalt the unique natural gifts, blessings, and uniqueness of womanhood but rather seeks to obliterate womanhood and motherhood in favor of creating the new and improved feMAN for a new and improved universe that is without children, without parenting, without love, and without beauty.
Feminism is nothing other than a modern name for penis envy.  And IsmiLiora is correct, there are degrees within the disorder.
 

Jonathan Gress

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For the record, IsmiLiora is actually right about the crying. Keep your mouth shut and offer her your shoulder. It's amazing when you learn this is how it works, since it takes the whole burden off of actually having to deal with her problem. :D
 

Irish_Melkite

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jah777 said:
Irish_Melkite said:
I've read feminist literature by hard feminists.  The "equality" bit is a smokescreen.  The TRUE FACE of feminism is to destroy family life and dominate men.
REAL feminists appear more manly than most men, and so are only attractive to homosexuals.  "Feminism" should really be renamed "Feminomachism", as the movement does not exalt the unique natural gifts, blessings, and uniqueness of womanhood but rather seeks to obliterate womanhood and motherhood in favor of creating the new and improved feMAN for a new and improved universe that is without children, without parenting, without love, and without beauty.
I disagree.  Feminism teaches women to be selfish, a la Tyra, Oprah and other TV whackos.  I know of a lot of die hard feminists here in the DC area who are darned good looking cojone-busters.  Anyone here not heard of the book called, "The Rules"?
 

Punch

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Jonathan Gress said:
For the record, IsmiLiora is actually right about the crying. Keep your mouth shut and offer her your shoulder. It's amazing when you learn this is how it works, since it takes the whole burden off of actually having to deal with her problem. :D
The problem will have to be dealt with eventually, so no burden has been removed, only put off to a later date.  IsmiLiora is also correct about most men being fixers.  To add to that, they are also literal.  If we ask "what is the problem" and you say "nothing", then there is nothing wrong . . . period.  That is how it works, deal with it.  Otherwise, learn not to lie to us.  If we ask "what is wrong" and you respond with "I just need someone to talk to / vent to / to listen to me, you will be amazed at how many of us will take the time to do so, because to us, that IS solving the problem. 

The women that I respect the most are the ones that are direct and let you know what they want.  And they don't have to be radical feminists to do so.  I have no use for the "complex" type that like to play mind games and try to have me guess at what they want.  There are too many people out there with needs for me to take the time to play stupid mind games.  I spend a lot of my time dealing with people's problems as part of my job, and a large portion of them are women.  The time I spend "decoding" some emo's problems is time that could be spent helping someone else.  Thankfully, most of the women that I deal with have learned to be direct and up front.  I don't judge, and I don't consider anyone's problem to be stupid or trivial.  They are the most important thing that particular person has to deal with at the moment.  But I can't (and probably won't) help you if all you want to do is play games and get attention. 

I have found that many "attention whores" are small minded and selfish people who's "problems" would go away if they got over themselves and spent as much time trying to help others as they spend feeling sorry for themselves.  Then there are those with real problems (and loneliness is a very real problem).  Those are the ones who need the help and need the time and attention, often a lot of time and attention.  To me, it is time well spent.  Nothing hurts my heart more than to see a kind person who gives of themselves to others yet receives nothing in return.  I really hope that the All-merciful God has a special place in heaven for these people because they have suffered enough here on Earth.
 

Jonathan Gress

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Punch said:
Jonathan Gress said:
For the record, IsmiLiora is actually right about the crying. Keep your mouth shut and offer her your shoulder. It's amazing when you learn this is how it works, since it takes the whole burden off of actually having to deal with her problem. :D
The problem will have to be dealt with eventually, so no burden has been removed, only put off to a later date.  IsmiLiora is also correct about most men being fixers.  To add to that, they are also literal.  If we ask "what is the problem" and you say "nothing", then there is nothing wrong . . . period.  That is how it works, deal with it.  Otherwise, learn not to lie to us.  If we ask "what is wrong" and you respond with "I just need someone to talk to / vent to / to listen to me, you will be amazed at how many of us will take the time to do so, because to us, that IS solving the problem. 

The women that I respect the most are the ones that are direct and let you know what they want.  And they don't have to be radical feminists to do so.  I have no use for the "complex" type that like to play mind games and try to have me guess at what they want.  There are too many people out there with needs for me to take the time to play stupid mind games.  I spend a lot of my time dealing with people's problems as part of my job, and a large portion of them are women.  The time I spend "decoding" some emo's problems is time that could be spent helping someone else.  Thankfully, most of the women that I deal with have learned to be direct and up front.  I don't judge, and I don't consider anyone's problem to be stupid or trivial.  They are the most important thing that particular person has to deal with at the moment.  But I can't (and probably won't) help you if all you want to do is play games and get attention. 

I have found that many "attention whores" are small minded and selfish people who's "problems" would go away if they got over themselves and spent as much time trying to help others as they spend feeling sorry for themselves.  Then there are those with real problems (and loneliness is a very real problem).  Those are the ones who need the help and need the time and attention, often a lot of time and attention.  To me, it is time well spent.  Nothing hurts my heart more than to see a kind person who gives of themselves to others yet receives nothing in return.  I really hope that the All-merciful God has a special place in heaven for these people because they have suffered enough here on Earth.
Whoa.  :eek:
 

Second Chance

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Was it Albert Ellis who said:

"There are just two rules when a husband and wife disagree or quarrel:

1. The wife is right.
2. The sooner the husband recognizes (1), the better."
 

AveChriste11

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will someone delete my previous post or move it somewhere for more of a serious chat..?  Perhaps the Free-for-All..? I'm not sure, oh well.  I forgot that "Other Topics" was a place for silliness  :p :) @ moderator(s)
 

vamrat

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AveChriste11 said:
will someone delete my previous post or move it somewhere for more of a serious chat..?  Perhaps the Free-for-All..? I'm not sure, oh well.  I forgot that "Other Topics" was a place for silliness  :p :) @ moderator(s)
No.  Your statement has entered the ring and must now fight for it's life.  Two go in, one comes out!  Break a deal, face the wheel!
 
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About the "feminist" thing:

I've found that some folks (men AND women) like to throw around the "feminist" label just because a woman doesn't fit their mental image of how a woman should behave/look.

Just because a woman has short hair (my hair is unmanageable when long), speaks her mind/is rather direct, is well-read, and holds leadership positions - well, that doesn't mean she's a feminist. I'm very conservative, but the people who try to stick the "feminist" label to me don't bother to look beyond the short hair and my mouth. I've also been called a "feminist" because I'm in my early 40s and never married. It doesn't occur to them that I've not met the right guy. I had one guy (Eastern European immigrant, very, very old-school mindset) call me a "feminist" for being the head of my parish's sisterhood!

To some people, short hair automatically equals lesbian. For heaven's sake, people! ::)

And just because I've gotten my college degree and been able to support myself for more than the last 15 years and didn't roll over and play dead because I didn't find a husband - well, I'm practical. Should I have mooched off my parents instead of supporting myself?

<rant>


One of my pet peeves...
 

orthonorm

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Second Chance said:
Was it Albert Ellis who said:

"There are just two rules when a husband and wife disagree or quarrel:

1. The wife is right.
2. The sooner the husband recognizes (1), the better."
He had serial marriages and was a notorious philanderer.

Based on these posts I am reading, boy, do I have my work cut out for me, when the Fast ends . . .
 

IsmiLiora

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[Sorry, orthonorm. I really tried. Maybe a mod can split this thread?]

And not to compare myself to your looks or status, but all I had to do was use the word "feminist" and it suddenly drew comparisons of certain women and stereotypes.

I'm married with a husband that doesn't consider himself feminist but listens to my views and enjoys debating with me, I am fascinated with the beauty industry and have considered becoming a freelance makeup artist, my hair is long (just working with stereotypes here, nothing wrong either way). I wear dresses and skirts all of the time, and dabble in reading about fashion history. I consider myself a fairly conservative Christian. I'm personally pro-life, I don't believe in affirmative action policies, etc.

Now, how many of the men were picturing that? Honestly. And even if a woman is their "picture" of a feminist, physically, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that either. I'm just pointing out that even saying the word "feminist" probably sounds like Rush Limbaugh's voice in your heads, and conjures up images of Janet Napolitano and Hillary Clinton. Which is completely expected, in my opinion.

There are different ways of approaching feminism and women's studies, and while most feminists would laugh me out of the room for considering myself one, there you are. I've stopped worrying about what they think.

And I don't need men patronizing me and telling me that they don't want a feminist but a straightforward, non-complex gal. You know what? Good luck finding one. You'll find a lot of straight shooters who also can be introspective and whose feelings and opinions may change in certain situations. We're not one dimensional, thank God. That's one of the wonderful things about being a woman. Men should balance us out and we should balance them out. (ETA: I am talking about general characteristics, which will definitely differ depending on the individual)

PS: I am refusing to debate on any politics that arise from my "feminist" beliefs on this thread and I am only posting in general. PM me if you must discuss this further.
 

vamrat

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orthonorm said:
Second Chance said:
Was it Albert Ellis who said:

"There are just two rules when a husband and wife disagree or quarrel:

1. The wife is right.
2. The sooner the husband recognizes (1), the better."
He had serial marriages and was a notorious philanderer.

Based on these posts I am reading, boy, do I have my work cut out for me, when the Fast ends . . .
Don't worry boys and girls, Vamrat is an Old Calendarist, so I will keep up lessons while Orthonorm is away.

Feel free to ask any questions you have on the miracle of dating and I will answer them honestly and to the best of my ability.  Then you can pretty much ignore my advice and you will be on the right track!

Lesson I: If her father has a shotgun, what should you do?
 

NicholasMyra

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IsmiLiora said:
By nature, men are fixer-uppers (I don't like stereotyping, but this one is true in almost every man I've met).

Which is great, unless we happen to be crying at the moment.  :laugh:
But it's a leak!

You fix leaks.  :police:
 

vamrat

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TheodoraElizabeth3 said:
About the "feminist" thing:

I've found that some folks (men AND women) like to throw around the "feminist" label just because a woman doesn't fit their mental image of how a woman should behave/look.

Just because a woman has short hair (my hair is unmanageable when long), speaks her mind/is rather direct, is well-read, and holds leadership positions - well, that doesn't mean she's a feminist. I'm very conservative, but the people who try to stick the "feminist" label to me don't bother to look beyond the short hair and my mouth. I've also been called a "feminist" because I'm in my early 40s and never married. It doesn't occur to them that I've not met the right guy. I had one guy (Eastern European immigrant, very, very old-school mindset) call me a "feminist" for being the head of my parish's sisterhood!

To some people, short hair automatically equals lesbian. For heaven's sake, people! ::)

And just because I've gotten my college degree and been able to support myself for more than the last 15 years and didn't roll over and play dead because I didn't find a husband - well, I'm practical. Should I have mooched off my parents instead of supporting myself?

<rant>


One of my pet peeves...
One man's feminist is another man's marriage prospect...

Short Hair - Personal taste, really, and I for one leave this up to the person who has to have the hair.
Direct Speaking - Thank God
Well Read - +1
Educated - +2
Leadership Positions - Someone has to do it, eh?
Conservative - By definition you are not a Femifascist

Keep your chin up, haters gonna hate.
 

IsmiLiora

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^^ Exactly! ;D

And NicholasMyra, you guys don't just want to put a plug into the leak. I'm crying and you all are putting out the choices of the 3 pipe replacement options that are available. ;)
 

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Gloria: [in bed] Honey? My mouth is dry. Honey. I'm thirsty.

Billy: Umm... [gets some water] ... There you go, honey.

Gloria: When I said I was thirsty, it doesn't mean I want a glass of water.

Billy: It doesn't?
 
Gloria: You're missing the whole point of me saying I'm thirsty. If I have a problem you're not supposed to solve it. Men always make the mistake of thinking they can solve a woman's problem. It makes them feel omnipotent.

Billy: Omnipotent? Did you have a bad dream?
 
Gloria: It's a way of controlling a woman.

Billy: Bringing them a glass of water?

Gloria: Yes. I read it in a magazine. See, if I'm thirsty, I don't want a glass of water. I want you to sympathize. I want you to say: ''Gloria, I, too, know what it feels like to be thirsty. I, too, have had a dry mouth." I want you to connect with me through sharing and understanding the concept of dry mouthedness.  
                 
Billy: This is all in the same magazine?

Gloria: You're into control.

Billy: Shut up.

Gloria: See? You make me sick. [turns over in bed]
 

NicholasMyra

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IsmiLiora said:
^^ Exactly! ;D

And NicholasMyra, you guys don't just want to put a plug into the leak. I'm crying and you all are putting out the choices of the 3 pipe replacement options that are available. ;)
Oh, no. Putting the choices out there is limp-wristed flip-flopping; a sad consequence of the 21st century man's ethos, what with his hipster scarves and his scented body washes.

No, a real man breaks out the trowel and lays on that pipe sealer therapy appointment with bountiful, excessive Van-Gough strokes.
 
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