Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column

J Michael

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rebecca.ann said:
J Michael said:
rebecca.ann said:
Let me shake your hand, congrats, you now have a stalker.  :laugh:
What??  Orthonorm is stalking Asteriktos  :eek: :eek: :eek:??  Lord have mercy!!
I was talking about the lovely Sarah, wife of Buff Blake ;D
Make up artists can come up with some wicked disguises, ya know  ;D.
 

rebecca.ann

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J Michael said:
rebecca.ann said:
J Michael said:
rebecca.ann said:
Let me shake your hand, congrats, you now have a stalker.  :laugh:
What??  Orthonorm is stalking Asteriktos  :eek: :eek: :eek:??  Lord have mercy!!
I was talking about the lovely Sarah, wife of Buff Blake ;D

Make up artists can come up with some wicked disguises, ya know  ;D.
:eek:
 

Asteriktos

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Some women look good with a shaved head. I've not met one yet, but I'm sure of it. Pics or it didn't happen?
 

Apples

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Asteriktos said:
Some women look good with a shaved head. I've not met one yet, but I'm sure of it. Pics or it didn't happen?
Natalie Portman does, but she looks even better with hair.
 

Asteriktos

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Turn-offs in girls:
- No eyebrows. Overly-plucked eyebrows. Painted-on eyebrows.
- Overly-long fingernails.
- Earrings larger than half dollar.
- Redheads who change their hair to a different color.
- Girls who need glasses to see but refuse to wear them. Contacts usage allowed in special circumstances.
- Mustache and nose hairs.
- Too much makeup.
- Girls who wear socks indoors.
- Girls who shower alone. (Many people die in bathroom accidents. It's dangerous. Let me help.)

We may now proceed according to the plan...
 

Asteriktos

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William said:
Asteriktos said:
Some women look good with a shaved head. I've not met one yet, but I'm sure of it. Pics or it didn't happen?
Natalie Portman does, but she looks even better with hair.
Yeah, I was on google looking for someone, but that's really the only one I came up with. Well, maybe a couple others...





 

Cyrillic

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Asteriktos said:
Turn-offs in girls:
- No eyebrows. Overly-plucked eyebrows. Painted-on eyebrows.
- Overly-long fingernails.
- Earrings larger than half dollar.
- Redheads who change their hair to a different color.
- Girls who need glasses to see but refuse to wear them. Contacts usage allowed in special circumstances.
- Mustache and nose hairs.
- Too much makeup.
- Girls who wear socks indoors.
- Girls who shower alone. (Many people die in bathroom accidents. It's dangerous. Let me help.)

We may now proceed according to the plan...
Beggars can't be choosers.
 

Asteriktos

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I've not had to beg yet...  though I am open to that if... er, nevermind...
 

Hiwot

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Asteriktos said:
I've not had to beg yet...  though I am open to that if... er, nevermind...
You know what they say right ... Something along the lines of...Thou have not lived if thou have not begged ? 8)
 

Asteriktos

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I just returned from one of those speed dating things, and what a blast! I figured I'd let you all know about it, since it's too much info for facebook or twitter, and I need to inform people about the personal details of my life. Obviously I can't remember everything about everyone, but here's what I remember:

Caramela - This was the second girl I talked with. She was quite attractive, out of my league really. That actually made me less nervous though, cause I figured: well I have no shot, so just be yourself and treat it like you're just chatting with a friend or something. Apparently she just moved here from ABQ, which is why she was at the event. I think she said she was a doctoral student at Pitt. Or Carnegie Mellon? No, probably Pitt. Anyway, she was in Chemistry, so I said "I'm way out of my element here" and she laughed, which made me feel better, because as soon as I made the joke I had one of those feelings when you want to crawl under a rock. Anyway, that's what I remember about her.

Stacey - There were a few girls in between, and then Stacey. Not sure what her story was exactly as she seemed very cryptic. She kept checking her watch, so she must have had to go somewhere soon after the dating thing or something. Everything I asked her she would just reply with monosyllabic answers. "Yes... No... Whatever." I'm not even sure what went wrong. Finally our time was up and she went on to the next guy, who she seemed to not be as cryptic with, because she was giggling and flirting and whatnot. Strange bird.

Tara - Well next was Tara, and what a bunch of energy! She was asking me a hundred questions a minute: what school did I go to, what hood I grew up in, the why, the who what, the when and where and the how. Honestly, she kept asking till I was grabbing my hair and I'm tearing it out. I was certainly glad when that was over!

Monika - So one of the last girls was Monika. I think I might actually go out on a date with her. She had fiery red hair, big green eyes, glasses... in a word, everything a guy could want in a girl! So I got her number and I'm definitely going to ask her out, maybe this weekend. Hope things go well, cross your fingers for me! I will report back if I have any problems, though I don't think I will...
 

Asteriktos

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William said:
Asteriktos, are your stories true?
I don't recall ever admitting publically that they are not. What is truth, after all? It's in the eye of the beholder. For example, maybe Achronos would have fallen head over heels in love with Tara? Who knows. They both like Eminem--already something in common! Anyway, I simply tell the stories and ask for advice: it is up to you all to accept these things in good faith. Believe, William, believe!
 

TheTrisagion

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Monika - So one of the last girls was Monika. I think I might actually go out on a date with her. She had fiery red hair, big green eyes, glasses... in a word, everything a guy could want in a girl!
NO
 

Asteriktos

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TheTrisagion said:
Monika - So one of the last girls was Monika. I think I might actually go out on a date with her. She had fiery red hair, big green eyes, glasses... in a word, everything a guy could want in a girl!
NO
You are dead to me now.
 

Asteriktos

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TheTrisagion said:
Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
Monika - So one of the last girls was Monika. I think I might actually go out on a date with her. She had fiery red hair, big green eyes, glasses... in a word, everything a guy could want in a girl!
NO
You are dead to me now.
TheTrisagion wept.  :'(
Ok, you're not dead to me... I just can't let my dream die is all. I'll let you in on a little secret--but only on the condition that you tell no one. Deal? Ok then. I haven't dated a redhead since I was a teenager; it's been something like 19 years now, and I'm beginning to lose hope. 
 

TheTrisagion

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Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
Monika - So one of the last girls was Monika. I think I might actually go out on a date with her. She had fiery red hair, big green eyes, glasses... in a word, everything a guy could want in a girl!
NO
You are dead to me now.
TheTrisagion wept.  :'(
Ok, you're not dead to me... I just can't let my dream die is all. I'll let you in on a little secret--but only on the condition that you tell no one. Deal? Ok then. I haven't dated a redhead since I was a teenager; it's been something like 19 years now, and I'm beginning to lose hope. 
I have faith in you.  Go after your white whale.  When you find her, hogtie her, take her home and propose to her.  Most romantic kidnapping ever.
 

Opus118

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TheTrisagion said:
Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
Asteriktos said:
TheTrisagion said:
Monika - So one of the last girls was Monika. I think I might actually go out on a date with her. She had fiery red hair, big green eyes, glasses... in a word, everything a guy could want in a girl!
NO
You are dead to me now.
TheTrisagion wept.  :'(
Ok, you're not dead to me... I just can't let my dream die is all. I'll let you in on a little secret--but only on the condition that you tell no one. Deal? Ok then. I haven't dated a redhead since I was a teenager; it's been something like 19 years now, and I'm beginning to lose hope. 
I have faith in you.  Go after your white whale.  When you find her, hogtie her, take her home and propose to her.  Most romantic kidnapping ever.
This is Icky

See the Lukewarmodox thread as to why this type of humor fails.

Asteriktos: Redheads who change there hair color is not only a turnoff, it spells trouble, although you may be able to handle it.

I also have a redhead in mind for you. Way smarter than me. About your age. English by birth. You  may have to move to Colorado where she is a professor..
 
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