Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column

[orthonorm]

Hey Jason I have a question. How do you not feel guilty before you break up with someone.

Thanks

OK.

First sorry for the blow off. This is a serious question and this thread needs attention.

But when you are writing the next great American memoir, being made a saint, waiting for breaking news to come out of the AFM, wet nursing meth babies, making soap, and herding cats in an online chat forum, serving as the petri dish for the fourth plague of the apocalypse, even orthonormie can get a bit spread too thin.

Ending relationships and guilt . . .

This is complicated question and one I of course have much experience in. I've broken more hearts than partially hydrogenated oil. It is a heavy burden to carry. And these are just the women I pass on the street. The countless women who realize the rest of their romantic life will forever be shadowed by the man they passed for just one fleeting moment . . .

You've seen the face for GQ. You've heard the voice for radio. The wit, the compassion, the intellect, the ability to be all things to all people.

So you know I do in fact bear this painful Cross.

I really considered taking St. Christopher Cynocephalus as my patron saint. Many woes in the world would be mitigated just a little, if I were not so darn handsome:

That I too may one day be granted the grace of having such a face. But even without my disarming good looks all else that is orthonorm I do believe would still shudder the hearts of women.

This is all to say: bro, I do feel your pain.

It is testament to your own Cross of attracting the opposite sex that your girlfriend didn't immediately flee to my doorstep after hearing the few syllables I spoke to her.

Perhaps it would have better for everyone if she had.

Since miraculously that did not happen, what to do?

Answers to come later, but not too late I hope.

 

[CoptoGeek]

"he was so handsome that he attracted the attentions of young girls. When he was baptised, he prayed to God that he would get such a face that nobody would be attracted to him. God responded to his prayers and gave him the face of a dog."

LOL, I was wondering what all the dog-faced people stuff was about.

 

[orthonorm]

"he was so handsome that he attracted the attentions of young girls. When he was baptised, he prayed to God that he would get such a face that nobody would be attracted to him. God responded to his prayers and gave him the face of a dog."

LOL, I was wondering what all the dog-faced people stuff was about.

I hope everyone is praying similar prayers for me.

Preferably a fish. Christo-historically it would be an more evangelical reformation of my visage, it would be Lenten, and I would like to breath underwater.

Thank you for your prayers.

 

[Jibrail Almuhajir]

Because he looks benevolent, he reminds me of a faoladh. 

 

[IsmiLiora]

So....basically, orthonorm's answer to Achronos is:

1) Get his girlfriend on the phone with him so that she immediately dumps Achronos, making his job a little easier? (No one is that magic unless you have a South African accent hidden somewhere in there, orthonorm)
2) Pray for him to be less durned handsome than he already is?
3) "Bro, I feel your pain"?

All about the adviser and nothing about the advised. Ah, so refreshing! Someone who talks about themselves all the time!  :-*

 

[orthonorm]

So....basically, orthonorm's answer to Achronos is:

1) Get his girlfriend on the phone with him so that she immediately dumps Achronos, making his job a little easier? (No one is that magic unless you have a South African accent hidden somewhere in there, orthonorm)
2) Pray for him to be less durned handsome than he already is?
3) "Bro, I feel your pain"?

All about the adviser and nothing about the advised. Ah, so refreshing! Someone who talks about themselves all the time!   :-*

You didn't read all the way through. Read till the end.

This is what they call in the industry a teaser.

*1. It ain't magic, pagan. It is grace.

 

[IsmiLiora]

I know, I just thought that it was a very long teaser.

But how often do people get to post pictures of dog-headed saints?

Magic, grace. Whatever it is, it has a South African accent. Or I could give you Israeli.

 

[orthonorm]

I know, I just thought that it was a very long teaser.

But how often do people get to post pictures of dog-headed saints?

Magic, grace. Whatever it is, it has a South African accent. Or I could give you Israeli.

You insult me more and more. Please stop.

 

[IsmiLiora]

I'll put my game face away, dear. I'm sorry.  :-*

 

[PeterTheAleut]

Because he looks benevolent, he reminds me of a faoladh. 

I saw a man on the street actually dressed up as St. Christopher for Halloween this week. He was wearing a dog's face mask.

 

[IsmiLiora]

WOW!!! I would love to see a picture of that.

 

[Second Chance]

I know, I just thought that it was a very long teaser.

But how often do people get to post pictures of dog-headed saints?

Magic, grace. Whatever it is, it has a South African accent. Or I could give you Israeli.

You insult me more and more. Please stop.

It is neither. Orthonorm is Barney Stinson!

 

[Azurestone]

Orthonorm is Barney Stinson!

LOL! He does look like him.

 

[IsmiLiora]

OMG YOU COMPARED HIM TO NPH.

Dying now.

 

[Second Chance]

OMG YOU COMPARED HIM TO NPH.

Dying now.

My pleasure. You know, when I first thought of it, I suspected that it would give many of us a particular kick or at least a chuckle. I do want to stress, however, that this is all in the spirit of bonhomie.

 

[IsmiLiora]

For the record, orthonorm, I don't think you look ANYTHING like NPH.

I haven't watched the show, though. Everyone keeps telling me it's hilarious. Do we all agree here?

 

[orthonorm]

OMG YOU COMPARED HIM TO NPH.

Dying now.

My pleasure. You know, when I first thought of it, I suspected that it would give many of us a particular kick or at least a chuckle. I do want to stress, however, that this is all in the spirit of bonhomie.

Oh please. Like I am going to take offense! Especially in this thread.

Besides I evidently resemble every celebrity who has existed in one angle or another.

They all are expressions of what I am. Incomplete as they may be.

 

[David Leon]

There is a New Orleans musician who thanks his audience by saying, "Thank you for reflecting my glory." 

 

[orthonorm]

For the record, orthonorm, I don't think you look ANYTHING like NPH.

I haven't watched the show, though. Everyone keeps telling me it's hilarious. Do we all agree here?

Are we talking about that How I Married Your Mother?

I watched more than a half a season on the advice of others.

meh. Not much.

NPH did a good job when Glee! was still great. Its success truly killed it. It was too bad. I loved those first 12-13 episodes.

And of course was STUPENDOUS in Dr. Horrible.

But we are getting way far of the subject: me.

 

[orthonorm]

There is a New Orleans musician who thanks his audience by saying, "Thank you for reflecting my glory." 

That's awesome! I get sick of the "humility" of so many musicians who are "just instruments of God".

 

[Second Chance]

For the record, orthonorm, I don't think you look ANYTHING like NPH.

I haven't watched the show, though. Everyone keeps telling me it's hilarious. Do we all agree here?

It is a very popular show, especially in syndication. NPH plays an obnoxious womanizer, a jerk, but there are hints scattered in several episodes that this is an addiction, that he is yearning to be different, not to be a user. Anyway, he is a very good actor and plays the part very well indeed, the play-within-the-play being that the homosexual NPH is playing a hyper-heterosexual.

 

[orthonorm]

For the record, orthonorm, I don't think you look ANYTHING like NPH.

I haven't watched the show, though. Everyone keeps telling me it's hilarious. Do we all agree here?

It is a very popular show, especially in syndication. NPH plays an obnoxious womanizer, a jerk, but there are hints scattered in several episodes that this is an addiction, that he is yearning to be different, not to be a user. Anyway, he is a very good actor and plays the part very well indeed, the play-within-the-play being that the homosexual NPH is playing a hyper-heterosexual.

Yeah, NPH is the best part of the show. And the subtext did emerge later concerning NPH's homosexuality.

I <3 NPH.

Don't worry ladies, not in THAT way.

 

[orthonorm]

For the record, orthonorm, I don't think you look ANYTHING like NPH.

I haven't watched the show, though. Everyone keeps telling me it's hilarious. Do we all agree here?

It is a very popular show, especially in syndication. NPH plays an obnoxious womanizer, a jerk, but there are hints scattered in several episodes that this is an addiction, that he is yearning to be different, not to be a user. Anyway, he is a very good actor and plays the part very well indeed, the play-within-the-play being that the homosexual NPH is playing a hyper-heterosexual.

Last post one this, promise.

The narrative structure was intriguing. But really drawn out and with obvious surprise turns.

You know something was a changing in me as well, when I began to find the show "vulgar" for lack of a better work. I mean I watch stuff with more adult content, but the show is often pretty flippant about serious issues, especially relationships. It is a frivolous treatment of human relations without really dealing with the fall out of such a treatment in any serious sense.

And it really demonstrates the incestuous "closed circle" which invariably end sleeping together and being all so OK with it later and open and happy (sometimes) with past lovers' new romances.

Never much into the whole sleeping with a buddy's ex. Or being really down with such a cavalier attitude about dating (= casual sex) and chatting up all about it to over drinks with a group of "friends".

And again, pretty much an obvious show.

Enough of the sheer sincerity. Time to mix it back up with irony.

 

[vamrat]

I don't know what you all are talking about.  How does NPH have time for womens?  Isn't he supposed to be devoting all his energy to fighting the bugs?

 

[Azurestone]

I don't know what you all are talking about.  How does NPH have time for womens?  Isn't he supposed to be devoting all his energy to fighting the bugs?

He doesn't fight the bugs. He talks to them.

Maybe it was a wumanz bug.

 

[vamrat]

I don't know what you all are talking about.  How does NPH have time for womens?  Isn't he supposed to be devoting all his energy to fighting the bugs?

He doesn't fight the bugs. He talks to them.

Maybe it was a wumanz bug.

Oh, he's talking to it alright.  Telling it how he's going to put I giant metal contraption in it's mouth and do other useless tests on it, all for his personal gratification.  Lousy bugs.

 

[Apples]

Do people still use this thread for dating advice? 

I go to an all male high school and need more exposure to girls. Ideas?

 

[Azurestone]

Do people still use this thread for dating advice? 

I go to an all male high school and need more exposure to girls. Ideas?

Stop being a slacker and graduate already.

 

[montalo]

Do people still use this thread for dating advice? 

I go to an all male high school and need more exposure to girls. Ideas?

start liking guys

 

[Volnutt]

orthonorm, what is your big announcement?

 

[IsmiLiora]

orthonorm, what is your big announcement?

Check the random postings thread. That's what he was talking about.

I thought he found a woman famous enough to be on the page of Variety! My bad!

 

[Azurestone]

orthonorm, what is your big announcement?

I <3 NPH.

 

[Volnutt]

orthonorm, what is your big announcement?

Check the random postings thread. That's what he was talking about.

I thought he found a woman famous enough to be on the page of Variety! My bad!

Oh. I see.

 

[IsmiLiora]

My guesses on these things are usually way off.

 

[Achronos]

Hey Jason I have a question. How do you not feel guilty before you break up with someone.

Thanks

OK.

First sorry for the blow off. This is a serious question and this thread needs attention.

LOL so what I got out of that is you are poking fun at my exhibiting vanity but also at the same time I shouldn't feel guilty because I shouldn't view myself so highly, since by our chat convo you and I aren't anything special; I would be doing her the favor.


I guess I took what you said all in jest, but maybe I'm way off base here lol.

 

[IsmiLiora]

Did you just....quote a PM?!  ???

And BTW, about the not being special thing, we get that all the ****ing time. Join the club.

 

[Achronos]

Nah I just snipped his quote down so it wouldn't be so large on this page of the thread.

Does the nothing anything special club get a faux-Member's Only jacket too?

 

[IsmiLiora]

I'm frankly in denial about not being special. I don't know what he is talking about.

You'll have to look elsewhere for the club information.

 

[vamrat]

Everyone gets so hung up on being special.  Look, there's seven billionish people out there.  Somewhere there is probably an exact carbon copy of you all out there, and the less eccentric you are, the higher the odds of there being more than one.  I like how "special" these days is synonymous with retarded.  They are the only truly unique people out there.

 

[orthonorm]

What we were we discussing again?

Oh yes, ending relationships and guilt.

Of course every situation is unique.

If you believe the above, go directly to your nearest newsstand and pick up the latest copy of O magazine.

Now given my wealth of experience and insight into the human condition there are a number of answers here.

Let's start with the ideal.

"All things find their end in their beginning."

The best way to end a relationship and mitigate the guilt starts with its beginning.

All endings are painful. They just are. But the pain of guilt has a particular quality and can stem from many missteps taken, but essentially, guilt is the pain of feeling improperly indebted to someone.

We are always in the other's debt. From them we find our very selves. In light of the other, we are. This debt, this gift can never be repaid. Thank God. For no gift should be repaid. It is pride that drives us to not want to be forever indebted to the other.

Someone once said of true gifts: they are what we can never offer ourselves, didn't want, and can never return.

So it is in our relationships with others. Relationships obviously cannot be had alone. We are not individuals. Rarely do relationships give us what we wanted for better and worse. They break our own feeble attempts to project our fantasy onto reality. They show us for who we are in all our grace and falleness. And we can never return them. For all the infantile, ritualistic attempts to cut off the other, the relationship, forever that person will have changed us forever.

This is structure of all relationships.

Sometimes out of nowhere, where we least expected it a person enters our lives and changes us immediately. No matter how much we were not looking for anything or even wanted it, we suddenly are caught up with another. Understanding the structure of the gift of a relationship that radical debt we will always carry will help to understand how to begin, and in beginning, how end the relationship without twisting that wonderful debt into the pain of guilt and free us to feel the pain love and grief.

In short we must accept: we will always owe the other something we cannot repay.

How to avoid have that feeling of indebtedness turn into guilt?

Stay tuned.