This is such an issue because of how it affected my previous marriage, which ended in divorce 1 year ago. I remained a virgin until I was married at 26 years old years old. My wife and I *immediately* noticed severe incompatibility with regards to sex. I know that some adjustment, or even some major adjustment, is often necessary. Without going into details, I will just say we had major, major problems in the area of sexual compatibility.IsmiLiora said:... I don't want to sound callous, but why is this SUCH an issue? Do you foresee your priest hounding you about it during confession (if you did engage in premarital sex)? I had a friend who was one of the poster children for abstinence at her church. She talked about it with all of the other college girls and myself especially, when I began to date my now-husband.
When she was engaged, she decided that she and her husband were already married in God's eyes. She would spend HOURS trying to justify this to me (citing different cultures and Christians who engage in sex prior to marriage), even when I didn't bring up the topic. My husband and I waited to consummate the marriage until our wedding night. I never talked to her about this but she still brought up the topic several times.
For me, I felt like she was struggling with guilt, because she believed her entire life that she should have waited. Perhaps she feels that she is fully justified, but it hasn't stopped her from talking to others, reading on the topic, and finding every single way to support her position. The fact that this thread has already reached 4 pages...kind of reminds me of that. Is this one issue worth that much to get hung up on?
We tried counseling, both through our church and through licensed professionals. Nothing really helped. We tried for 4 years, and neither of us were ever satisfied.
It was during that 4 years that I began to realize, somewhat unrelated-ly, how my Baptist tradition had mislead me for so long with regards to salvation. I began to read Scripture apart from the modern traditions that surrounded me, and found a doctrine that was very different from my Baptist roots. That brought me to Orthodox, because I only saw the orthodox and the catholics teaching in line with Scripture regarding how works contribute to our salvation. I knew the Catholics couldn't be right because of their deeds (celibate priests molesting children all over the face of the earth, and higher up bishops hiding it and moving priests around).
Anyway... back to why this premarital sex thing is an issue for me. My ex-wife's divorcing me had to do with a lot of things, including my switch from Baptist churches to Orthodox ones, and also a relocation because of my job. However, the massive problems we had ever satisfying one another sexually also played an enormous role.
I then decided that perhaps I was taught wrong about premarital sex in courtship also. So I did the same thing with Scripture regarding premarital sex in courtship that I had done with salvation. I looked for all the sexual sins in Scripture. I found them all very plainly, in the original languages... except for premarital sex. Promiscuity was prohibited, it seemed, but not sex as a part of courtship. In fact, to my amazement, I discovered the couple celebrated in Song of Solomon shared a bed before getting married. I had read the book so many times previously, but my eyes had been blinded to that fact because of the traditional teachings about sex I had been immersed all of my life in. But now I finally saw it... plain as day... right there in Scripture.
So, to answer your question, no I'm not motivated to answer this question because I fear having to admit any sort of premarital sex. I want to answer this question because God forbid I ever teach my children lies about the sinfulness of premarital sex and destroy their future marriages just as mine was destroyed. There is a reason that the couple in the Song is celebrated. They did it the right way, it seems, and enjoyed a wonderful lifelong passion with one another. Also, I want my next marriage to be one where there is sexual compatibility. And if God's way of ensuring that is the model He has given and celebrated in the Song of Solomon, then I want to follow that model.
All that being said, I've finally been given some sources from early fathers I can explore (a year after starting this thread in large part to ask for them). I will now do explore those sources. Thank you so much to everyone on this page who finally provided me with them. And no, FatherGirus, I'm not a troll.
thank you for helping me as I continue to seek out the truth,