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Should I marry this woman?

Svartzorn

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I'll try as much as I can not to make this into some kind of rant.
I'm posting this in Faith Issues since this is a matter of faith for me. If necessary, move the topic.

I've been living with this girl in a sinful fashion (I'm trying, really, even though sometimes I really distance myself from Church affairs) for quite some time now. This is a relationship that has evolved from a date since we happened to have a son (1y6m now).
Since the kid was born, it has always come to me the idea of marrying. I was the one to invite her to live together since it would be better for the kid to have both parents around.
But I always had doubts about marrying her. I have behaved like a pendulum in this matter for the following problems:

I - even though we love each other, it seems to me that there's always been something missing;

II - we have some personal incompatibilties that manifest themselves in the household. Sometimes I find it really angering or a big let down to live with her;

III - my conversion to Orthodoxy happened after we started dating and before the child was born. She goes with me to Church services and was interested in converting up to some point (she comes from a pagan background and sometimes she says my interest in Orthodoxy contributed to her coming to Christianity), but she never dedicated herself to practising and understanding the faith in the same way I did;

IV - we've always had some discussions because her coming to Christianity happened (for some reason) through an evangelical understanding of the faith. Just recently, she announced me that, for the time being, she would remain an evangelical, having lost her interest in converting to Orthodoxy. That struck me somewhat, since now, most of all, I fear for the future of the child which has been baptized orthodox;

V - I don't really know if I'm ready for marriage. Sometimes, I still wish I were with some other woman in a "flesh sense", sometimes I think a more devout wife - specially from an orthodox background, would help me to improve in the faith. There's really no point in marrying if you're going to commit adultery in your heart;

I've given some threads here a read and I know that, althought not forbidden, it's not desirable that an Orthodox Christian marries a heterodox. Sometimes I'd think that "I'll just marry her and divorce if her personal beliefs interefere with the upbringing of the child", but I'd always thought it's kindda messed up thinking about marriage counting on an eventual divorce.

This matter has puzzled me for more than an year now, I would really appreciate your councils. I'm mainly looking for this because I don't want to live in fornication no longer.
 

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Svartzorn said:
I'll try as much as I can not to make this into some kind of rant.
I'm posting this in Faith Issues since this is a matter of faith for me. If necessary, move the topic.

I've been living with this girl in a sinful fashion (I'm trying, really, even though sometimes I really distance myself from Church affairs) for quite some time now. This is a relationship that has evolved from a date since we happened to have a son (1y6m now).
Since the kid was born, it has always come to me the idea of marrying. I was the one to invite her to live together since it would be better for the kid to have both parents around.
But I always had doubts about marrying her. I have behaved like a pendulum in this matter for the following problems:

I - even though we love each other, it seems to me that there's always been something missing;

II - we have some personal incompatibilties that manifest themselves in the household. Sometimes I find it really angering or a big let down to live with her;

III - my conversion to Orthodoxy happened after we started dating and before the child was born. She goes with me to Church services and was interested in converting up to some point (she comes from a pagan background and sometimes she says my interest in Orthodoxy contributed to her coming to Christianity), but she never dedicated herself to practising and understanding the faith in the same way I did;

IV - we've always had some discussions because her coming to Christianity happened (for some reason) through an evangelical understanding of the faith. Just recently, she announced me that, for the time being, she would remain an evangelical, having lost her interest in converting to Orthodoxy. That struck me somewhat, since now, most of all, I fear for the future of the child which has been baptized orthodox;

V - I don't really know if I'm ready for marriage. Sometimes, I still wish I were with some other woman in a "flesh sense", sometimes I think a more devout wife - specially from an orthodox background, would help me to improve in the faith. There's really no point in marrying if you're going to commit adultery in your heart;

I've given some threads here a read and I know that, althought not forbidden, it's not desirable that an Orthodox Christian marries a heterodox. Sometimes I'd think that "I'll just marry her and divorce if her personal beliefs interefere with the upbringing of the child", but I'd always thought it's kindda messed up thinking about marriage counting on an eventual divorce.

This matter has puzzled me for more than an year now, I would really appreciate your councils. I'm mainly looking for this because I don't want to live in fornication no longer.
Yes, you should marry her, but if there is incompatibilities between you, you don't need to marry because in this way the things can get complicated.
 

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If you have to ask on the internet versus consulting your family and friends I think you must have serious doubts about marrying her.
 

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Since you have a child you really should marry her for his sake. The concerns about compatibility are secondary at this point, or so it seems to me. Sorry if that seems like a one-size-fits-all answer, but that's what you get for asking strangers on the internet.
 

DeniseDenise

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Svartzorn said:
I - even though we love each other, it seems to me that there's always been something missing;


Svartzorn said:
II - we have some personal incompatibilties that manifest themselves in the household. Sometimes I find it really angering or a big let down to live with her;
I am sure she could easily say the same thing about you.  Face it, living with someone is difficult and hard, and more so if you are not committed to the other person.


Svartzorn said:
III - my conversion to Orthodoxy happened after we started dating and before the child was born. She goes with me to Church services and was interested in converting up to some point (she comes from a pagan background and sometimes she says my interest in Orthodoxy contributed to her coming to Christianity), but she never dedicated herself to practising and understanding the faith in the same way I did;
This sounds like it has caused some resentment for you, but i encourage you to think of it this way....she doesn't dislike the Church and has opened her heart to Christ in some fashion.  It is up to you to keep modeling and being Christ-like towards her.



Svartzorn said:
IV - we've always had some discussions because her coming to Christianity happened (for some reason) through an evangelical understanding of the faith. Just recently, she announced me that, for the time being, she would remain an evangelical, having lost her interest in converting to Orthodoxy. That struck me somewhat, since now, most of all, I fear for the future of the child which has been baptized orthodox;
This sounds like it has caused some resentment for you, but i encourage you to think of it this way....she doesn't dislike the Church and has opened her heart to Christ in some fashion.  It is up to you to keep modeling and being Christ-like towards her.


Svartzorn said:
V - I don't really know if I'm ready for marriage. Sometimes, I still wish I were with some other woman in a "flesh sense", sometimes I think a more devout wife - specially from an orthodox background, would help me to improve in the faith. There's really no point in marrying if you're going to commit adultery in your heart;

I am curious to know what happens if you decide NOT to marry her?

Since you have a son together, there will be a continuing relation of co-parents no matter what happens, which needs to be taken into consideration. This will also intersect with the temptation to sin with her again as long as you both are 'single'



 

William T

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Iconodule said:
Since you have a child you really should marry her for his sake. The concerns about compatibility are secondary at this point, or so it seems to me. Sorry if that seems like a one-size-fits-all answer, but that's what you get for asking strangers on the internet.
Perfectly stated.  I see red flags when  things like this get stated, especially on a xtian forum.  But what can you say responsibly at this point other than  "ask your priest" or "you should get married"?  At that point you really should focus on.the child, as that is the only thing worth caring about in.this scenario if one.wants to do the right thing.

It's also worth pointing out that anything that is worth anything takes work, growth, development, commitment, and humility.
 

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You are asking us? :eek:
 

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Firstly, you should probably speak to someone who knows you both better, like your priest.

DeniseDenise said:
Svartzorn said:
II - we have some personal incompatibilties that manifest themselves in the household. Sometimes I find it really angering or a big let down to live with her;
I am sure she could easily say the same thing about you.  Face it, living with someone is difficult and hard, and more so if you are not committed to the other person.
+1

I have been married for going on 8 years, and if there is one thing I have learned it's this: the grass really isn't any greener. Everyone has incompatibilities in some ways. If you live with someone long enough, they're going to drive you nuts eventually. You will never find someone who doesn't, I promise you. You can either accept this, that living with someone for all of your life has challenges and accept that this is for your salvation, or you can serially jump from relationship to relationship and stay long enough to tangle your life with theirs but bail when the newness and fun wears away and the real work begins. But you'll never build something.
 

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ZealousZeal said:
I have been married for going on 8 years, and if there is one thing I have learned it's this: the grass really isn't any greener.
And when it persistently appears to be so, it's usually fake. :police:
 

William T

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ZealousZeal said:
Firstly, you should probably speak to someone who knows you both better, like your priest.

DeniseDenise said:
Svartzorn said:
II - we have some personal incompatibilties that manifest themselves in the household. Sometimes I find it really angering or a big let down to live with her;
I am sure she could easily say the same thing about you.  Face it, living with someone is difficult and hard, and more so if you are not committed to the other person.
+1

I have been married for going on 8 years, and if there is one thing I have learned it's this: the grass really isn't any greener. Everyone has incompatibilities in some ways. If you live with someone long enough, they're going to drive you nuts eventually. You will never find someone who doesn't, I promise you. You can either accept this, that living with someone for all of your life has challenges and accept that this is for your salvation, or you can serially jump from relationship to relationship and stay long enough to tangle your life with theirs but bail when the newness and fun wears away and the real work begins. But you'll never build something.
Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode where he dated janeane garofalo?  She was just like him.  It's horrible, nobody needs that kind of "compatibility".  Add much as my family or friends  or whomever annoys the bejesus out of me, it's better than hanging out with people who are "just like me"....that would be hell.
 

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"something missing" .."we have some personal incompatibilties " like what? Are they enough to thwart a happy marriage? If so I wouldn't do it. Even for your kid's sake, do you want him subject to an unhappy marriage his parents have?

Sounds like you have a few issues that need worked through before you seriously consider marriage, but I really do hope you take none of the advice here, including my own. Situations like the one you are in and other serious matters would be better off in conversation with those that know you better and care about you than a faceless anonymous internet group.
 

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nothing said:
"something missing" .."we have some personal incompatibilties " like what? Are they enough to thwart a happy marriage? If so I wouldn't do it. Even for your kid's sake, do you want him subject to an unhappy marriage his parents have?

Sounds like you have a few issues that need worked through before you seriously consider marriage, but I really do hope you take none of the advice here, including my own. Situations like the one you are in and other serious matters would be better off in conversation with those that know you better and care about you than a faceless anonymous internet group.
I think most people on this thread are acknowledging it's tough, if not impossible, to give  "exact" advice on a subject like this on.the internet. 
 

Svartzorn

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Thanks for all your answers :)
There's some things I need to clarify:

I - it's not like I haven't talk this over with my friends, family and my priest. I'm just posting this here because I'm really stuck;

II - it's caused great resentment in me the fact that she chose to be an evangelical particularly because I can't tolerate this religion very well. I don't hate them or anything, I just don't have the patience to deal with them.
I could tolerate a roman catholic, an evangelical poses as a new challenge;

@DeniseDenise: if I choose not to marry her, things would be pretty comfy for me, but not the child. That's precisely why I'm considering marriage. I don't think I would do it if it weren't for the child.

@Minnesotan: I mean wicca, for the most part.
Candomblé is just weird.

@RaphaCam: thanks for your prayers, man.
I talked to Marcelo a couple times about this.
But I'm looking at him with other eyes now, since he actually recommended my fiancé to seek an exorcist in a pentecostal church (at least, that's what she said to me). Sooo... yeah, if that's really true I wouldn't ask him for advice again.

nothing said:
"something missing" .."we have some personal incompatibilties " like what? Are they enough to thwart a happy marriage? If so I wouldn't do it. Even for your kid's sake, do you want him subject to an unhappy marriage his parents have?

Sounds like you have a few issues that need worked through before you seriously consider marriage, but I really do hope you take none of the advice here, including my own. Situations like the one you are in and other serious matters would be better off in conversation with those that know you better and care about you than a faceless anonymous internet group.
Like things concerning home order, ways to deal with the kid, different personality traits and preferences.
I really don't like she's very unorganized and the fact that she's quit a couple college courses and talks about quitting her current one so often. Not a good example for the boy.
I think it's enough to ruin a marriage when a person has no commitment to improve her behavior and her life situation.
I also think it's enough to ruin a marriage if she tries to raise our son evangelical.
I don't think the fact this is an anonymous forum will weight in my decision. I take things for what they are, not because someone I consider decent said them.
People have said decent things so far, so why am I to disqualify these opinions based on the fact that the given person is anonymous? I can analyse the opinion for itself :)
 

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Some things stuck out in this...so i am going to bold them and then reply, rather than going back and forth....


Svartzorn said:
II - it's caused great resentment in me the fact that she chose to be an evangelical particularly because I can't tolerate this religion very well. I don't hate them or anything, I just don't have the patience to deal with them.
I could tolerate a roman catholic, an evangelical poses as a new challenge;



Like things concerning home order, ways to deal with the kid, different personality traits and preferences.
I really don't like she's very unorganized and the fact that she's quit a couple college courses and talks about quitting her current one so often. Not a good example for the boy.
I think it's enough to ruin a marriage when a person has no commitment to improve her behavior and her life situation.


I also think it's enough to ruin a marriage if she tries to raise our son evangelical.
Me pardoa, porque voce nao vai gostar do que eu vou dizer aqui.  e meu teclado nao tem sotaques, pior ainda. ( Forgive me, because you wont like what i am going to say here, and worse yet, my keyboard doesn't have accents.)

But she was a wicca when you started this.  Evangelical is certainly a -step- toward Christ.  I think you tend (from all of your posts that i have read) to be rather harsh and unforgiving.  And that will not help her see things differently, it just shows her the Church (since you are her representative of it) is inflexible, irate and not very Christ like in it's dealings with others.

It's quite likely that she already feels that nothing she does is 'good enough' for you....organization, her life plans...her beliefs.

I bet this is the first time she has lived with someone in a serious relationship, just like it is likely yours.  Compromise is the key here, and being Christ like, rather than 'rule like', which sorry, is the feeling i get from your posts.

She needs to do things your way or else.  Rather than you both learning to come to a happy compromise about things and learn from each other.



 

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Since the Orthodox Family Forum has the same rules as Faith Issues, I am moving this thread there.  :)

Mor Ephrem, moderator
 

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Svartzorn said:
Like things concerning home order, ways to deal with the kid, different personality traits and preferences.
I really don't like she's very unorganized and the fact that she's quit a couple college courses and talks about quitting her current one so often. Not a good example for the boy.
I think it's enough to ruin a marriage when a person has no commitment to improve her behavior and her life situation.
I also think it's enough to ruin a marriage if she tries to raise our son evangelical.
I don't think the fact this is an anonymous forum will weight in my decision. I take things for what they are, not because someone I consider decent said them.
People have said decent things so far, so why am I to disqualify these opinions based on the fact that the given person is anonymous? I can analyse the opinion for itself :)
I say that because of my observations on what kind of marriages (and divorces) people here have, and the advice flows from that. Judge it how you want but I take it with a pinch of salt.

It sounds like your commitment to the Orthodox faith is very important to you, important enough to where it can be a wedge in your marriage. You might want to reach out to Pravoslavac on how he deals with this exact issue.
 

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nothing said:
Svartzorn said:
Like things concerning home order, ways to deal with the kid, different personality traits and preferences.
I really don't like she's very unorganized and the fact that she's quit a couple college courses and talks about quitting her current one so often. Not a good example for the boy.
I think it's enough to ruin a marriage when a person has no commitment to improve her behavior and her life situation.
I also think it's enough to ruin a marriage if she tries to raise our son evangelical.
I don't think the fact this is an anonymous forum will weight in my decision. I take things for what they are, not because someone I consider decent said them.
People have said decent things so far, so why am I to disqualify these opinions based on the fact that the given person is anonymous? I can analyse the opinion for itself :)
I say that because of my observations on what kind of marriages (and divorces) people here have, and the advice flows from that. Judge it how you want but I take it with a pinch of salt.

It sounds like your commitment to the Orthodox faith is very important to you, important enough to where it can be a wedge in your marriage. You might want to reach out to Pravoslavac on how he deals with this exact issue.
Was that supposed to be a joke?
 

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Minnesotan said:
nothing said:
Svartzorn said:
Like things concerning home order, ways to deal with the kid, different personality traits and preferences.
I really don't like she's very unorganized and the fact that she's quit a couple college courses and talks about quitting her current one so often. Not a good example for the boy.
I think it's enough to ruin a marriage when a person has no commitment to improve her behavior and her life situation.
I also think it's enough to ruin a marriage if she tries to raise our son evangelical.
I don't think the fact this is an anonymous forum will weight in my decision. I take things for what they are, not because someone I consider decent said them.
People have said decent things so far, so why am I to disqualify these opinions based on the fact that the given person is anonymous? I can analyse the opinion for itself :)
I say that because of my observations on what kind of marriages (and divorces) people here have, and the advice flows from that. Judge it how you want but I take it with a pinch of salt.

It sounds like your commitment to the Orthodox faith is very important to you, important enough to where it can be a wedge in your marriage. You might want to reach out to Pravoslavac on how he deals with this exact issue.
Was that supposed to be a joke?
I take his earnestness very seriously, you don't? That's a pity.
 

Mor Ephrem

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nothing said:
Minnesotan said:
nothing said:
Svartzorn said:
Like things concerning home order, ways to deal with the kid, different personality traits and preferences.
I really don't like she's very unorganized and the fact that she's quit a couple college courses and talks about quitting her current one so often. Not a good example for the boy.
I think it's enough to ruin a marriage when a person has no commitment to improve her behavior and her life situation.
I also think it's enough to ruin a marriage if she tries to raise our son evangelical.
I don't think the fact this is an anonymous forum will weight in my decision. I take things for what they are, not because someone I consider decent said them.
People have said decent things so far, so why am I to disqualify these opinions based on the fact that the given person is anonymous? I can analyse the opinion for itself :)
I say that because of my observations on what kind of marriages (and divorces) people here have, and the advice flows from that. Judge it how you want but I take it with a pinch of salt.

It sounds like your commitment to the Orthodox faith is very important to you, important enough to where it can be a wedge in your marriage. You might want to reach out to Pravoslavac on how he deals with this exact issue.
Was that supposed to be a joke?
I take his earnestness very seriously, you don't? That's a pity.
Trans-opposites attract.
 

hecma925

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Man up.  Make a decision and follow through. 
 

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Nothing has inspired me to be a devoted wife more than my husband's care, respect, and devotion for me from day one, even though I was a damaged jerkface when we met.  He saw a deeper, better person and loved her, and that is what I became and am becoming.  I could get more flowery, but I'll spare everyone.  Suffice it to say he has shown me Christ for nearly 13 years in the most important ways.  I have done my best to reciprocate, though I fail repeatedly in many, many ways. 

Conversely, I've seen a marriage fall apart partly because it was "for the kids," but largely because the husband was critical, overbearing, judgmental, and generally nasty.  I was such a spiteful, vulgar person before I met my husband.  I hung out with spiteful, jaded, vulgar people.  Yet I have never heard such venom drip from anyone like I heard from him talking to her.  True contempt in that tone.  It was revolting.

Also, you refer to your son as if he is an object "the child" and "the kid" or "the boy."  Children are individuals, just like us.  They're just smaller, so we have to take extra care not to crush their spirit before it blossoms.  You may do everything "right" in a nice home and in church and everything, and they may still do drugs, get in bed with strangers, drink like a fish, smoke like a train, and cuss like a sailor.  Ask me how I know.  I rode the Evangelical Bus for several years, too.  It's a lot better than the Crazy Train.

You will do what you will do, of course.
 

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@DeniseDenise: did great for a portuguese attempt :)
Now I don't have a problem with anything you or anyone has to say. I figure this is a touchy subject, so I'm really ready to listen to what epople here have to say and give it some tough.
Take a look at hecma's answer if you feel you haven't been harsh enough  ;D
Now I know that she was wicca when we started the relationship, but I wasn't orthodox back then and marriage was nowhere near my mind.
I think what strikes me the most is the fact that she showed a legitimate interest in Orthodoxy only to abandon it for an heretical faith.
You're right, I am harsh and unforgiving. I have displayed such behavior in this forum before (Mor got me good :p), but I was much worse.
I'm not as bad as you think either. I also need ways to strenghten my faith and the place of the Church in my life, been struggling with that lately.

@nothing: who's pravoslavac? :p
My commitment is a big deal for me, I'm just too much of a wimp sometimes to make it happen in my life :/

@Ainnir: I'll take everything you said into consideration. Just one thing: my son is not an object for me, dear. He's probably the person I love the most in the world, aside from God.

Once again, thanks for the advices, people :)
 

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Svartzorn said:
@DeniseDenise: did great for a portuguese attempt :)
now I am wounded..and it explains why i am out of practice when so many people don't encourage us second language speakers


Svartzorn said:
I think what strikes me the most is the fact that she showed a legitimate interest in Orthodoxy only to abandon it for an heretical faith.
You're right, I am harsh and unforgiving. I have displayed such behavior in this forum before (Mor got me good :p), but I was much worse.
I'm not as bad as you think either. I also need ways to strenghten my faith and the place of the Church in my life, been struggling with that lately.
You might want to consider that if learning to not be harsh and unforgiving is something you need to do......for your salvation, that just maybe continuing your relationship with her is the method God has set before you to learn.

 

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ZealousZeal said:
Firstly, you should probably speak to someone who knows you both better, like your priest.

DeniseDenise said:
Svartzorn said:
II - we have some personal incompatibilties that manifest themselves in the household. Sometimes I find it really angering or a big let down to live with her;
I am sure she could easily say the same thing about you.  Face it, living with someone is difficult and hard, and more so if you are not committed to the other person.
+1

I have been married for going on 8 years, and if there is one thing I have learned it's this: the grass really isn't any greener. Everyone has incompatibilities in some ways. If you live with someone long enough, they're going to drive you nuts eventually. You will never find someone who doesn't, I promise you. You can either accept this, that living with someone for all of your life has challenges and accept that this is for your salvation, or you can serially jump from relationship to relationship and stay long enough to tangle your life with theirs but bail when the newness and fun wears away and the real work begins. But you'll never build something.
Of all the good advice in this thread, this is the best.
 

Ainnir

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Svartzorn said:
@Ainnir: I'll take everything you said into consideration. Just one thing: my son is not an object for me, dear. He's probably the person I love the most in the world, aside from God.
Good to hear!  It's just the phrasing, I guess.  And possibly cultural colloquial differences.  I apologize if I caused offense.  I hope everything turns out as deeply edifying as possible for all three of you, truly.
 

Musashi

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My unworthy advice is just let Christ in the midst of both of you through holy matrimony
 

Seekingtrue

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Svartzorn said:
@DeniseDenise: did great for a portuguese attempt :)
Now I don't have a problem with anything you or anyone has to say. I figure this is a touchy subject, so I'm really ready to listen to what epople here have to say and give it some tough.
Take a look at hecma's answer if you feel you haven't been harsh enough  ;D
Now I know that she was wicca when we started the relationship, but I wasn't orthodox back then and marriage was nowhere near my mind.
I think what strikes me the most is the fact that she showed a legitimate interest in Orthodoxy only to abandon it for an heretical faith.
You're right, I am harsh and unforgiving. I have displayed such behavior in this forum before (Mor got me good :p), but I was much worse.
I'm not as bad as you think either. I also need ways to strenghten my faith and the place of the Church in my life, been struggling with that lately.

@nothing: who's pravoslavac? :p
My commitment is a big deal for me, I'm just too much of a wimp sometimes to make it happen in my life :/


@Ainnir: I'll take everything you said into consideration. Just one thing: my son is not an object for me, dear. He's probably the person I love the most in the world, aside from God.

Once again, thanks for the advices, people :)
hi you say that she abandoned Orthodoxy for an heretical faith.Wicca is not only heretical it s pure magic I know from a friend when he was there some years ago.Its white/black magic that s what he has told me.Of course he had exorcism from a priest to remove all his bad energy before convert to Orthodoxy.And since you have a kid be aware because children absorb bad energies from the environment.Magic is considered second big sin after murder in Orthodoxy,not my words but a priest s words..
 

BryanS

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Svartzorn said:
V - I don't really know if I'm ready for marriage. Sometimes, I still wish I were with some other woman in a "flesh sense", sometimes I think a more devout wife - specially from an orthodox background, would help me to improve in the faith. There's really no point in marrying if you're going to commit adultery in your heart;
No one* is "ready" for marriage. Everyone* wishes their spouse were someone else sometimes, or has doubts, long after marriage.
You will never find a perfect situation. Marriage is more about being the right person than it is about finding the right person.
You made your bed by living with, and having a child with this woman, now you have to lie in it.
Die to yourself, for her sake and for your child's sake, and marry her.
These are my opinions.

*"No one", and "everyone" are hyperbole, but not far off.
 

rakovsky

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Iconodule said:
Since you have a child you really should marry her for his sake. The concerns about compatibility are secondary at this point, or so it seems to me.
I agree.
 

rakovsky

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Bryan Paul said:
Svartzorn said:
V - I don't really know if I'm ready for marriage. Sometimes, I still wish I were with some other woman in a "flesh sense", sometimes I think a more devout wife - specially from an orthodox background, would help me to improve in the faith. There's really no point in marrying if you're going to commit adultery in your heart;
No one* is "ready" for marriage. Everyone* wishes their spouse were someone else sometimes, or has doubts, long after marriage.
You will never find a perfect situation. Marriage is more about being the right person than it is about finding the right person.
You made your bed by living with, and having a child with this woman, now you have to lie in it.
Die to yourself, for her sake and for your child's sake, and marry her.
These are my opinions.
Yes. You have a kid now. I can't believe you are thinking about not marrying and instead thinking about a wife who is more devout.
 

mike

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For the sake of the woman and the child, no.
 
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