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Struggling with disbelief

trevor72694

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Hi, all.

I've been a committed Atheist for a little over a year.  I have been to Church a few times lately and have reassembled my icon corner in my apartment.  I want to believe so badly like I used to.  I was once overly zealous and pretty pretentious in my approach to faith.  I just want to feel God and have confidence in His love and mercy, but I'm having such a hard time.  I'm not in an environment conducive to faith, living on my college campus.  Faith has become a secret thing for me, and also more precious because of that.

Please pray for me.  I want God to be real so badly, but I have such a hard time believing that all of it is real.  I don't know if I'm supposed to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is real (that's how I used to feel), because that is not faith.  I'm just not sure how to arrive at a place where I can call myself a believer.
 
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Lord have mercy, just remember most in life have had doubts of faith, it tests us about what we truly believe. Continue to pray, and attend Church, sometimes it our rock bottom low points when we find the Grace of God in our lives by surprise
 

beebert

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I must tell you that you are not alone. I too have wandered away from God and want to come back. I don't know if it comforts you but at least you are not alone. Hopefully there is hope for us both.
 

Ainnir

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Lord, have mercy!
 

Alxandra

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"God is a fire that warms and kindles the heart and inward parts. And so, if we feel in our hearts coldness, which is from the devil,--for the devil is cold-then let us call upon the Lord and He will come and warm our hearts with perfect love not only for Him, but for our neighbor as well. And from the presence of warmth the coldness of the hater of good ill be driven away."
+Saint Seraphim of Sarov
 
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