akimori makoto
Archon
Hey, dudes.
I would like to start by saying glory to God for your presence in my life through this strange medium of an internet forum. I am very grateful for your wisdom and fellowship.
This post will be perhaps a bit incoherent, so I pray I have your patience.
About three or four years ago now (I am no good with time), the girl I was then intent on marrying left for for some dude. I insist that this post has nothing to do with her, but it is necessary to tell you that for reasons which shall become clear.
At that time, in addition to the crippling emotions, I also experienced months of near-total loss of appetite and sleeplessness, weighing only about 44kg and sleeping perhaps three hours a night. Obviously, I was entirely lacking in motivation and energy during that time.
Since then, I have become far more healthy and functional: if anything, I am slightly pudgy by my own standards.
The problem is that I am still constantly tired. I fall asleep relatively easily now, but I wake up a fair bit during the night (then staying awake only for short periods). To be honest, I'm not really sure if my sleep is disrupted, as it's been so long since I've experienced "normal" sleep, I'm not sure what "normal" is any more. What I do know is that I wake up every - single - morning feeling absolutely wrekced: tense in the neck and shoulders, sore in the bones, eyes feeling like they're on fire, and demotivated. It's as if sleep doesn't "work" for me, if that makes sense -- it doesn't do what it is promised to.
I'm pretty sure I'm not apnoeac.
I have seen doctors, who all resist prescribing me anything which would affect my sleep on the basis that those drugs will quickly become addictive. When they ask me when this all began and I tell them the point of origin, they all insist I am clinically depressed and prescribe me the usual anti-depressents. Of course, these anti-depressents do nothing for me and, in any case, I do not think I exhibit enough of the symptoms of depression to justify the diagnosis.
The only doctor I have seen who has inspired my confidence told me that I should spend a fair bit of time doing quite vigorous exercise on most days. This supposedly has some beneficial effect on the primitive nervous system. I have tried this, found it makes no difference in the short to medium term, despaired of that fact, and given up.
The thing is, I am actually quite happy and otherwise satisfied with where my life is heading (haven't "arrived" yet, but everything seems to be falling into place nicely). I do not have any residual feelings about the break-up a few years ago, other than the normal levels of grumpiness and mild distaste for my ex. However, this tiredness issue drags me down at work and makes me unproductive. I work longer hours than I would have to in order to make up for the fact that I feel I need to take breaks throughout the day. Every single day I promise myself I will get to work early and hit the keyboard as soon as I get in and it never happens.
Now, I don't expect you all to cure me, but I thought perhaps I could entreaty you for two things: (1) helping me identify what my problem might actually be; and (2) helping me identify which suitably qualified expert might be able to help me, as I am quite sick of GPs and clinical psychs who just reach for the Zoloft and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
Disclaimer: in your answers, please assume that my prayer life is healthy and recently improving, as I think is the case.
Jonathan
I would like to start by saying glory to God for your presence in my life through this strange medium of an internet forum. I am very grateful for your wisdom and fellowship.
This post will be perhaps a bit incoherent, so I pray I have your patience.
About three or four years ago now (I am no good with time), the girl I was then intent on marrying left for for some dude. I insist that this post has nothing to do with her, but it is necessary to tell you that for reasons which shall become clear.
At that time, in addition to the crippling emotions, I also experienced months of near-total loss of appetite and sleeplessness, weighing only about 44kg and sleeping perhaps three hours a night. Obviously, I was entirely lacking in motivation and energy during that time.
Since then, I have become far more healthy and functional: if anything, I am slightly pudgy by my own standards.
The problem is that I am still constantly tired. I fall asleep relatively easily now, but I wake up a fair bit during the night (then staying awake only for short periods). To be honest, I'm not really sure if my sleep is disrupted, as it's been so long since I've experienced "normal" sleep, I'm not sure what "normal" is any more. What I do know is that I wake up every - single - morning feeling absolutely wrekced: tense in the neck and shoulders, sore in the bones, eyes feeling like they're on fire, and demotivated. It's as if sleep doesn't "work" for me, if that makes sense -- it doesn't do what it is promised to.
I'm pretty sure I'm not apnoeac.
I have seen doctors, who all resist prescribing me anything which would affect my sleep on the basis that those drugs will quickly become addictive. When they ask me when this all began and I tell them the point of origin, they all insist I am clinically depressed and prescribe me the usual anti-depressents. Of course, these anti-depressents do nothing for me and, in any case, I do not think I exhibit enough of the symptoms of depression to justify the diagnosis.
The only doctor I have seen who has inspired my confidence told me that I should spend a fair bit of time doing quite vigorous exercise on most days. This supposedly has some beneficial effect on the primitive nervous system. I have tried this, found it makes no difference in the short to medium term, despaired of that fact, and given up.
The thing is, I am actually quite happy and otherwise satisfied with where my life is heading (haven't "arrived" yet, but everything seems to be falling into place nicely). I do not have any residual feelings about the break-up a few years ago, other than the normal levels of grumpiness and mild distaste for my ex. However, this tiredness issue drags me down at work and makes me unproductive. I work longer hours than I would have to in order to make up for the fact that I feel I need to take breaks throughout the day. Every single day I promise myself I will get to work early and hit the keyboard as soon as I get in and it never happens.
Now, I don't expect you all to cure me, but I thought perhaps I could entreaty you for two things: (1) helping me identify what my problem might actually be; and (2) helping me identify which suitably qualified expert might be able to help me, as I am quite sick of GPs and clinical psychs who just reach for the Zoloft and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
Disclaimer: in your answers, please assume that my prayer life is healthy and recently improving, as I think is the case.
Jonathan
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