Why Do People Have Kids?

[JamesR]

Serious question,

Apart from irresponsibility and/or religious views which may prevent people from utilizing birth control before doing their business, why does most of the human population, even in the West--particularly females--intentionally desire to have children? Why is this the end-all goal in so many people's lives? To have children and a family?

I ask this not to criticize it, although I certainly do disagree with it. But to understand it. What makes having children so desirable? This is extraordinarily difficult for me to fathom as a firstborn child since I've come to view children and parenthood more as a burden due to having to take care of my younger siblings growing up than I have a noble goal and something to look forward to. I would wonder if birth order plays any part in a person's desire or lack of desire for children, but that's a different topic.

So anyway, back on topic, why do people have kids? What made you intentionally choose to surrender your freedom and youth for the family life of children? What made it worth it?

 

[WPM]

Selfish reasons

 

[xOrthodox4Christx]

a. Evolution

b. Selfish reasons.

c. Social and societal expectations.

d. They love kids.

 

[PeterTheAleut]

People die. They have to have some way to keep the human race alive once they're gone.

 

[LenInSebastopol]

Here's how it works:
You meet a girl, assuming you are a boy, and you hit it off well, really well, giggling,fun, and even seriously well. You become friends. She makes you feel like twice yourself, and you even like her! Call if love, transcendence, chemistry or courtship, which takes time as you check each other out via different situations and watching her with other people, like parents, friends, strangers, etc.
Do you get some picture?
OK, so you find that you can be so much of the above, some call it love but put that in your back pocket for a moment, that you want more people to find the goodness that this life can/may give.
Since your friends are all misfits, bums, sinners, rotten AND selfish about it, what do you think the next logical step is? Make some of your own and raise them right!

The real deal is that there is such an abundance of love, so great a love, that the ONLY thing you can do is have kids. You find both of you have a good thing going and what does "good" do? Shares, creates, makes more....get the picture? You simply want to make people happy/good/joyful....stuff like that....best way?

Now if you, JamesR HAD to raise help raise kids, you wind up in the negative hole. Sorry about that......prayer, fasting and getting on down the road with your other thing called life, will get you past that thingy; however if you wish to have that scar remain then it's easy: don't repent of that, focus solely on that and you will never have kids which is the ultimate selfishness. If you carefully recall the times you and your siblings laughed and had fun, then that can be a healing of where you may choose to go.

As to the "selfish" remark.......LOL when I saw that...........one could look at it that way.........ME and HER have SUCH a GOOD thing going so we have children........in that light it is totally selfish........imagine a world where you feel so good that you want to share it................that is the kind of "selfishness" that could benefit a whole world.

Oh, as to the "love" in your back pocket part...........that is what marriage is.......and in the end it turns out when both pursue The Lord (wild as He is), then the better love starts again and again even after 40 years of marriage commitment.

Now, JamesR, go back to school/work and forget about all this so you can focus on becoming a decent man that a woman would feel safe, well, secure in what you will have to offer her.

 

[Alveus Lacuna]

Why do trolls have threads?

 

[Alxandra]

Children are an extension and deepening of the love in marriage and how they Glorify Christ in their marriage.

"According to the Orthodox teaching as expressed in the sacramental rite of marriage, the creation of children, and the care and love for them within the context of the family, is the normal fulfillment of the love of a man and woman in Christ. In this way, marriage is the human expression of the creative and caring love of God, the perfect Love of the Three Persons of the Holy Trinity which overflows in the creation and care for the world. This conviction that human love, imitative of divine love, should overflow itself in the creation and care for others does not mean that the procreation of children is in itself the sole purpose of marriage and the unique and exclusive justification and legitimization of its existence. Neither does it mean that a childless couple cannot live a truly Christian life together. It does mean, however, that the conscious choice hy a married couple not to have a family for reasons of personal comfort and accommodation, the desire for luxury and freedom, the fear of responsibility, the refusal of sharing material possessions, the hatred of children, etc., is not Christian, and can in no way be considered as consonant with the biblical, moral and sacramental teachings and experience of the Orthodox Church about the meaning of life, love and marriage."

http://oca.org/orthodoxy/the-orthodox-faith/worship/the-sacraments/marriage

 

[Cyrillic]

To continue the dynasty and to marry your daughters off to secure an alliance with France.

 

[LenInSebastopol]

Why do trolls have threads?

To get to the other side
of your goat.

 

[RobS]

There is simply no joy in having children, and everything that involves such (managing, caring, feeding, bathing, simply being around them, etc).

Those that have contemplated on the meaning of life and what life itself entails but still have children are frivolous hypocrites. These supposed "wise men" who assert babies are made in a moment of hot passion, what utter fools!

My deepest sympathies towards children who resulted from such foolish lot and circumstance.

 

[Indocern]

Serious question,

Apart from irresponsibility and/or religious views which may prevent people from utilizing birth control before doing their business, why does most of the human population, even in the West--particularly females--intentionally desire to have children? Why is this the end-all goal in so many people's lives? To have children and a family?

I ask this not to criticize it, although I certainly do disagree with it. But to understand it. What makes having children so desirable? This is extraordinarily difficult for me to fathom as a firstborn child since I've come to view children and parenthood more as a burden due to having to take care of my younger siblings growing up than I have a noble goal and something to look forward to. I would wonder if birth order plays any part in a person's desire or lack of desire for children, but that's a different topic.

So anyway, back on topic, why do people have kids? What made you intentionally choose to surrender your freedom and youth for the family life of children? What made it worth it?

Because this is the way the world is organized.

 

[LenInSebastopol]

There is simply no joy in having children, and everything that involves such (managing, caring, feeding, bathing, simply being around them, etc).
Those that have contemplated on the meaning of life and what life itself entails but still have children are frivolous hypocrites. These supposed "wise men" who assert babies are made in a moment of hot passion, what utter fools!
My deepest sympathies towards children who resulted from such foolish lot and circumstance.

Love your name

 

[Tikhon29605]

I can't believe we are even asking this question on an Orthodox forum.

Children are a blessing from the Lord. Period.  They are new life.  They are the continuance of the human race. They are our flesh and blood. They are the offspring of the love of a man and a woman. They give parents a reason for getting up in the morning. They give teachers someone to teach.  They eventually become the adults that will take over the world when I am dead and gone.

I think children are a good thing.

 

[Arachne]

There is simply no joy in having children, and everything that involves such (managing, caring, feeding, bathing, simply being around them, etc).

Those that have contemplated on the meaning of life and what life itself entails but still have children are frivolous hypocrites. These supposed "wise men" who assert babies are made in a moment of hot passion, what utter fools!

My deepest sympathies towards children who resulted from such foolish lot and circumstance.

LOLOLOL

One thing is for sure: children shouldn't be having children.

 

[ZealousZeal]

Because I don't want to have to mow my own lawn.

 

[Alxandra]

There is simply no joy in having children, and everything that involves such (managing, caring, feeding, bathing, simply being around them, etc).

Those that have contemplated on the meaning of life and what life itself entails but still have children are frivolous hypocrites. These supposed "wise men" who assert babies are made in a moment of hot passion, what utter fools!

My deepest sympathies towards children who resulted from such foolish lot and circumstance.

Of course there is joy in raising children, it is hard work, but there is joy for those who see Christ in everything they do. Everything you listed there (managing, caring, feeding, bathing, simply being around them) is a great blessing and gift. In a family, the attitude of the heart should be filled with joy because this attitude effects the spouse and children. It also reflects the state of our soul and relationship with Christ, and whether or not we are thankful for these simple but truly amazing gifts in life. We should strive for this attitude with prayer, gratefulness of God's gifts, and humility. This is one of the main things we struggle for in Orthodoxy.

 

[xOrthodox4Christx]

There is simply no joy in having children, and everything that involves such (managing, caring, feeding, bathing, simply being around them, etc).

Those that have contemplated on the meaning of life and what life itself entails but still have children are frivolous hypocrites. These supposed "wise men" who assert babies are made in a moment of hot passion, what utter fools!

My deepest sympathies towards children who resulted from such foolish lot and circumstance.

I love being around children, don't know what your problem is...

 

[Indocern]

This is quotation from book:

The virginity for God is above the marriage. Only for those who are given to.

 

[Mor Ephrem]

 

[Arachne]

Bossy boiler.



See, I'd never know that without children!

 

[Alxandra]

“What saves and makes for good children is the life of the parents in the home.  The parents need to devote themselves to the love of God.  They need to become saints in their relations to their children through their mildness, patience, and love.  They need to make a new start every day, with a fresh outlook, renewed enthusiasm and love for their children.  And the joy that will come to them, the holiness that will visit them, will shower grace on their children.  Generally the parents are to blame for the bad behavior of the children.  And their behaviour is not improved by reprimands, disciplining, or strictness.  If the parents do not pursue a life of holiness and if they don’t engage in spiritual struggle, they make great mistakes and transmit the faults they have within them.  If the parents do not live a holy life and do not display love towards each other, the devil torments the parents with the reactions of the children.  Love, harmony and understanding between parents are what are required for the children.  This provides a great sense of security and certainty.”
Saint Porphyrios

 

[vamrat]

Probably the best reason to have kids, I think, is an excuse to play with Thomas the Tank Engine again.  And Legos.  And building castes and stuff.

As soon as he learns to stop crapping on himself and start using human talk, I think I am going to borrow my Godson.

 

[biro]

This is quotation from book:

The virginity for God is above the marriage. Only for those who are given to.

What? 

 

[JamesR]

There is simply no joy in having children, and everything that involves such (managing, caring, feeding, bathing, simply being around them, etc).

Those that have contemplated on the meaning of life and what life itself entails but still have children are frivolous hypocrites. These supposed "wise men" who assert babies are made in a moment of hot passion, what utter fools!

My deepest sympathies towards children who resulted from such foolish lot and circumstance.

Of course there is joy in raising children, it is hard work, but there is joy for those who see Christ in everything they do. Everything you listed there (managing, caring, feeding, bathing, simply being around them) is a great blessing and gift. In a family, the attitude of the heart should be filled with joy because this attitude effects the spouse and children. It also reflects the state of our soul and relationship with Christ, and whether or not we are thankful for these simple but truly amazing gifts in life. We should strive for this attitude with prayer, gratefulness of God's gifts, and humility. This is one of the main things we struggle for in Orthodoxy.

Do you have siblings? Are you the oldest? Before wanting children, I would highly recommend that later born children spend a few weeks in the shoes of the eldest child before deciding that they want children. It isn't as easy or fun as you may think. I'm unsure how children can bring one closer to God. If anything, they would seem to be a distraction since you can't pray or go to Church as much. But regardless, I just don't see enough value in taking on such a burden. Adulthood to me means my opportunity to finally be the kid I wasn't allowed to be during childhood; not to repeat the same burden of taking care of children.

I love being around children, don't know what your problem is...

I enjoy being around my younger sister (not so much my tween brother) but even then, not enough to desire kids for myself. Which, as others pointed out, seems kind of selfish. It's all fun and games until the iPad needs to be charged then it's crying.

 

[DeniseDenise]

There is simply no joy in having children, and everything that involves such (managing, caring, feeding, bathing, simply being around them, etc).

Those that have contemplated on the meaning of life and what life itself entails but still have children are frivolous hypocrites. These supposed "wise men" who assert babies are made in a moment of hot passion, what utter fools!

My deepest sympathies towards children who resulted from such foolish lot and circumstance.

Of course there is joy in raising children, it is hard work, but there is joy for those who see Christ in everything they do. Everything you listed there (managing, caring, feeding, bathing, simply being around them) is a great blessing and gift. In a family, the attitude of the heart should be filled with joy because this attitude effects the spouse and children. It also reflects the state of our soul and relationship with Christ, and whether or not we are thankful for these simple but truly amazing gifts in life. We should strive for this attitude with prayer, gratefulness of God's gifts, and humility. This is one of the main things we struggle for in Orthodoxy.

Do you have siblings? Are you the oldest? Before wanting children, I would highly recommend that later born children spend a few weeks in the shoes of the eldest child before deciding that they want children. It isn't as easy or fun as you may think. I'm unsure how children can bring one closer to God. If anything, they would seem to be a distraction since you can't pray or go to Church as much. But regardless, I just don't see enough value in taking on such a burden. Adulthood to me means my opportunity to finally be the kid I wasn't allowed to be during childhood; not to repeat the same burden of taking care of children.

I love being around children, don't know what your problem is...

I enjoy being around my younger sister (not so much my tween brother) but even then, not enough to desire kids for myself. Which, as others pointed out, seems kind of selfish. It's all fun and games until the iPad needs to be charged then it's crying.

Shocker.....raising kids isn't about how much YOU like spending time...or what YOU want to be doing.  It's a sacrifice.

Problem is that you can't have the parental feelings about your siblings like they were your own, because all you think about is You.  What you missed out on, not what you were blessed to be able to do......

What you didn't get, rather than the things you did.

All of this is the same issue.....your 'why believe in God, because he didn't give me enough....is the same problem as this...'

Every single issue = selfishness

 

[Mor Ephrem]

Do you have siblings? Are you the oldest? Before wanting children, I would highly recommend that later born children spend a few weeks in the shoes of the eldest child before deciding that they want children. It isn't as easy or fun as you may think.

I've been the elder child for over thirty years. 

I'm unsure how children can bring one closer to God. If anything, they would seem to be a distraction since you can't pray or go to Church as much.

There is more than one way to "pray" and "go to church". 

But regardless, I just don't see enough value in taking on such a burden. Adulthood to me means my opportunity to finally be the kid I wasn't allowed to be during childhood; not to repeat the same burden of taking care of children.

Yeah, don't have kids. 

I enjoy being around my younger sister (not so much my tween brother) but even then, not enough to desire kids for myself. Which, as others pointed out, seems kind of selfish. It's all fun and games until the iPad needs to be charged then it's crying.

I have bookmarked this for when I am unable to weep for my sins. 

 

[Minnesotan]

why do people have kids?

Because of the Fall. (At least according to some theologians).

 

[FatherGiryus]

If we didn't have kids, who would pick out our nursing homes for us and fight over the inheritance? 

 

[Alxandra]

There is simply no joy in having children, and everything that involves such (managing, caring, feeding, bathing, simply being around them, etc).

Those that have contemplated on the meaning of life and what life itself entails but still have children are frivolous hypocrites. These supposed "wise men" who assert babies are made in a moment of hot passion, what utter fools!

My deepest sympathies towards children who resulted from such foolish lot and circumstance.

Of course there is joy in raising children, it is hard work, but there is joy for those who see Christ in everything they do. Everything you listed there (managing, caring, feeding, bathing, simply being around them) is a great blessing and gift. In a family, the attitude of the heart should be filled with joy because this attitude effects the spouse and children. It also reflects the state of our soul and relationship with Christ, and whether or not we are thankful for these simple but truly amazing gifts in life. We should strive for this attitude with prayer, gratefulness of God's gifts, and humility. This is one of the main things we struggle for in Orthodoxy.

Do you have siblings? Are you the oldest? Before wanting children, I would highly recommend that later born children spend a few weeks in the shoes of the eldest child before deciding that they want children. It isn't as easy or fun as you may think. I'm unsure how children can bring one closer to God. If anything, they would seem to be a distraction since you can't pray or go to Church as much. But regardless, I just don't see enough value in taking on such a burden. Adulthood to me means my opportunity to finally be the kid I wasn't allowed to be during childhood; not to repeat the same burden of taking care of children.

I love being around children, don't know what your problem is...

I enjoy being around my younger sister (not so much my tween brother) but even then, not enough to desire kids for myself. Which, as others pointed out, seems kind of selfish. It's all fun and games until the iPad needs to be charged then it's crying.

I am the oldest sibling and I work in a kindergarten. Children take genuine work and attention but it is a great joy when we see Christ in our time for them and all the joys of their growing and happiness.

Raising children and caring about their soul, and guiding their soul to love Christ absolutely brings us closer to God. You are glorifying God through your love and sacrifice for them.

 

[ZealousZeal]

I'm unsure how children can bring one closer to God. If anything, they would seem to be a distraction since you can't pray or go to Church as much.

Come on, James. I know you're smarter than this.

 

[RobS]

I think its hilarious how people here buy into this illusion that it is us who wants to have kids, or already has. Well it's not.

This is why I feel so sorry for those poor naive children who are brought into this despicable world by adults who don't know why they breed let alone how.

If adults would actually make this realization, they might seriously think a little harder before imposing upon their children the pain and burden of existence.

 

[wgw]

If we didn't have kids, who would pick out our nursing homes for us and fight over the inheritance? 

I love your sense of humor Fr. 

 

[Cyrillic]

If adults would actually make this realization, they might seriously think a little harder

If people would think a bit harder the human race would go extinct.

Three hurrahs for irrational emotion.

 

[RobS]

If adults would actually make this realization, they might seriously think a little harder

If people would think a bit harder the human race would go extinct.

So be it, that would be the only honorable thing to do.

 

[Cyrillic]

If adults would actually make this realization, they might seriously think a little harder

If people would think a bit harder the human race would go extinct.

So be it, that would be the only honorable thing to do.

I'd rather have the rest of humanity continue breeding. Someone needs to change my diapers in old age, after all.

 

[Arachne]

If adults would actually make this realization, they might seriously think a little harder

If people would think a bit harder the human race would go extinct.

So be it, that would be the only honorable thing to do.

By all means, uphold that honour.

 

[RobS]

I'd rather have the rest of humanity continue breeding. Someone needs to change my diapers in old age, after all.

Breeding is a rather terrible process all the more astonishing is the fact people look forward to it! There are actually women who would die just for the experience of giving birth, and some make good on that desire.

Oh the plight of poor women that befalls upon them such suffering! A physical hell for a year carrying a child but then upon birth it is followed by even more hell that includes anguish and emotion for 20 some odd years!

God must be cruel since he allows all of this. This is the brutality that has been forced upon us, the sheer fact that in order to sustain ourselves we must eat, that is such a cruel fact of life! Otherwise we just wither away and perish.

 

[Arachne]

The cruelty! Oh, the cruelty! Where's my fainting couch?

 

[Alxandra]

I'd rather have the rest of humanity continue breeding. Someone needs to change my diapers in old age, after all.

Breeding is a rather terrible process all the more astonishing is the fact people look forward to it! There are actually women who would die just for the experience of giving birth, and some make good on that desire.

Oh the plight of poor women that befalls upon them such suffering! A physical hell for a year carrying a child but then upon birth it is followed by even more hell that includes anguish and emotion for 20 some odd years!

God must be cruel since he allows all of this. This is the brutality that has been forced upon us, the sheer fact that in order to sustain ourselves we must eat, that is such a cruel fact of life! Otherwise we just wither away and perish.

I'm sorry you feel that way, In Orthodoxy having children and raising them to love Christ is a wonderful blessing.

It's definitely not anguish to be with children, giving  my time to them is the most meaningful part of my life.

 

[Cyrillic]

I'd rather have the rest of humanity continue breeding. Someone needs to change my diapers in old age, after all.

Breeding is a rather terrible process all the more astonishing is the fact people look forward to it! There are actually women who would die just for the experience of giving birth, and some make good on that desire.

Oh the plight of poor women that befalls upon them such suffering! A physical hell for a year carrying a child but then upon birth it is followed by even more hell that includes anguish and emotion for 20 some odd years!

God must be cruel since he allows all of this. This is the brutality that has been forced upon us, the sheer fact that in order to sustain ourselves we must eat, that is such a cruel fact of life! Otherwise we just wither away and perish.

What a baroque writing style. Have you been having a drink?

But on topic: giving birth probably is horrible.